The time 90 minutes prior to sunrise is called Braahmi Muhurtham. This time is good for academics, purohits and the time where in the later hours, the night the last 48 mins. (2 ghadi) is called Braahmi Muhurtham. 'Braahmi' means Saraswathi, the Goddess of intellect. The above specified time is auspicious for gaining and sustaining intelligence and knowledge, owing to which it is called Braahmi Muhurtham.
It is during Braahmi muhurtham that Sun god spreads his rays just as a peacock spreading its feathers. He starts spreading his light and energy throughout the world. The light rays from the Galaxies influence the human brain. The nascent sun spreads thousand arms in the form of rays across the sky, which emit light-blue devine rays. These rays bring to life the cells and the brain. Lord Surya or the sun god is also the god of life. If the man can synchronise his senses with these rays during this hour he will be empowered with unchallengeable energy. This observation was endorsed by sages. This is the time when the life under the sun still remains in deep sleep supported by the tranquil and pleasant environment, the sages and munis spread the power of penance, which comes out in the form of high powered electrical and magnetic charge, for the upliftment of the living creatures on the earth. If one keep awake during these hours, it is possible to benefit from this charge.
Saturday, March 20, 2010
Friday, March 19, 2010
Change our vision
There was a millionaire who was bothered by severe eye pain. He consulted so many physicians and was getting his treatment done. He did not stop consulting galaxy of medical experts; he consumed heavy loads of drugs and underwent hundreds of injections.
But the ache persisted with great vigour than before. At last a monk who has supposed to be an expert in treating such patients was called for by the millionaire. The monk understood his problem and said that for sometime he should concentrate only on green colours and not to fall his eyes on any other colours. The millionaire got together a group of painters and purchased barrels of green color and directed that every object his eye was likely to fall to be painted in green colour just as the monk had directed. h
When the monk came to visit him after few days, the millionaire's servants ran with buckets of green paints and poured on im since he was in red dress, lest their master not see any other colour and his eye ache would come back.
Hearing this monk laughed said "If only you had purchased a pair of green spectacles, worth just a few rupees, you could have saved these walls and trees and pots and all other articles and also could have saved a large share of his fortune. You cannot paint the world green." Let us change our vision and the world will appear accordingly. It is foolish to shape the world, let us shape ourselves first. Lets change our vision..!!
But the ache persisted with great vigour than before. At last a monk who has supposed to be an expert in treating such patients was called for by the millionaire. The monk understood his problem and said that for sometime he should concentrate only on green colours and not to fall his eyes on any other colours. The millionaire got together a group of painters and purchased barrels of green color and directed that every object his eye was likely to fall to be painted in green colour just as the monk had directed. h
When the monk came to visit him after few days, the millionaire's servants ran with buckets of green paints and poured on im since he was in red dress, lest their master not see any other colour and his eye ache would come back.
Hearing this monk laughed said "If only you had purchased a pair of green spectacles, worth just a few rupees, you could have saved these walls and trees and pots and all other articles and also could have saved a large share of his fortune. You cannot paint the world green." Let us change our vision and the world will appear accordingly. It is foolish to shape the world, let us shape ourselves first. Lets change our vision..!!
Thursday, March 18, 2010
Bathing
Bathing is an integral part of daily routine in every Indian's life. Special occasions call for holy dips in sacred rivers and lakes as enumerated by the scriptures. That a bath keeps us healthy through personal hygiene is a well known fact. But there are other aspects as well that are not well known. Polygraphic studies proved that water enhances electro-magnetic activity. In the context of this finding, the religious practices like washing hands and feet before entering temples and taking bath everyday, worshipping with wet clothes and offering prayer standing in the middle of water chest-deep in rivers and tanks etc., seem to be more scientific than a mere act of cleanliness.
Human body is centre of electric currents and impulses. A continuous process of generation and consumption of electric energy takes place in the human body. Maharshi Vaatsyaayana has described the various power centres in human body. More energy is generated in our body whenever we are excited and battle various emotions as well as indulge in intense physical activity. However, at night when we retire until the next morning this generation and consumption level of power drops drastically. This is the reason why we feel so lethargic on waking up in the morning. We are neither active physically non mentally. Washing our face immediately clears the cobwebs of drowsiness. A bath certainly freshens up completely and puts us in our best shape. This happens due to the fact that water consumes the electricity in our body. This is known as Electro-magnetic activity. Physics describes this in detail. Therefore, taking bath has more to do with such scientific reasoning than merely cleanliness.
So let us make a habit of giving body electro magnetic activity without fail.
Human body is centre of electric currents and impulses. A continuous process of generation and consumption of electric energy takes place in the human body. Maharshi Vaatsyaayana has described the various power centres in human body. More energy is generated in our body whenever we are excited and battle various emotions as well as indulge in intense physical activity. However, at night when we retire until the next morning this generation and consumption level of power drops drastically. This is the reason why we feel so lethargic on waking up in the morning. We are neither active physically non mentally. Washing our face immediately clears the cobwebs of drowsiness. A bath certainly freshens up completely and puts us in our best shape. This happens due to the fact that water consumes the electricity in our body. This is known as Electro-magnetic activity. Physics describes this in detail. Therefore, taking bath has more to do with such scientific reasoning than merely cleanliness.
So let us make a habit of giving body electro magnetic activity without fail.
Wednesday, March 17, 2010
Shaantaakaaram
Shaantaakaaram bhujagashayanam
padmanaabham suresham
vishvaadhaaram gaganasadrisham
meghavarnam shubhaangam
lakshmeekaantam kamalanayanam
yogihriddhyaanagamyam
vande vishnum bhavabhayaharam
sarvalokaikanaatham.
Meaning
I bow down before Vishnu, the Lord of all worlds and the remover of all causes of fear. He is of blissful form. he lies on a serpent bed. He sports a lotus on His navel. The Lord of the celestials. He supports the whole cosmos.His limbs are exquisite and His complexion is blue like that of the sky and the rain cloud. The consort of Lakshmi. He has eyes rivalling the lotus. The yogis meditate on Him in their innermost heart.
padmanaabham suresham
vishvaadhaaram gaganasadrisham
meghavarnam shubhaangam
lakshmeekaantam kamalanayanam
yogihriddhyaanagamyam
vande vishnum bhavabhayaharam
sarvalokaikanaatham.
Meaning
I bow down before Vishnu, the Lord of all worlds and the remover of all causes of fear. He is of blissful form. he lies on a serpent bed. He sports a lotus on His navel. The Lord of the celestials. He supports the whole cosmos.His limbs are exquisite and His complexion is blue like that of the sky and the rain cloud. The consort of Lakshmi. He has eyes rivalling the lotus. The yogis meditate on Him in their innermost heart.
Tuesday, March 16, 2010
Cycle of Evil
There was once a king who was so cruel and unjust that his subjects yearned for his death or dethronement.
However, one day he surprised them all by announcing that he had decided to turn over a new leaf.
“No more cruelty, no more injustice,” he promised, and he was as good as his word. He became known as the ‘Gentle Monarch’.
Months after his transformation one of his ministers plucked up enough courage to ask him what had brought about his change of heart, and the king answered:
“As I was galloping through my forests I caught sight of a fox being chased by a hound. The fox escaped into his hole but not before the hound had bitten into its leg and lamed it for life. Later I rode into a village and saw the same hound there. It was barking at a man. Even as I watched, the man picked up a huge stone and flung it at the dog, breaking its leg. The man had not gone far when he was kicked by a horse. His knee was shattered and he fell to the ground, disabled for life. The horse began to run but it fell into a hole and broke its leg. Reflecting on all that had happened, I thought: ‘Evil begets evil. If I continue in my evil ways, I will surely be overtaken by evil’. So I decided to change”.
The minister went away convinced that the time was ripe to overthrow the king and seize the throne. Immersed in thought, he did not see the steps in front of him and fell, breaking his neck.
However, one day he surprised them all by announcing that he had decided to turn over a new leaf.
“No more cruelty, no more injustice,” he promised, and he was as good as his word. He became known as the ‘Gentle Monarch’.
Months after his transformation one of his ministers plucked up enough courage to ask him what had brought about his change of heart, and the king answered:
“As I was galloping through my forests I caught sight of a fox being chased by a hound. The fox escaped into his hole but not before the hound had bitten into its leg and lamed it for life. Later I rode into a village and saw the same hound there. It was barking at a man. Even as I watched, the man picked up a huge stone and flung it at the dog, breaking its leg. The man had not gone far when he was kicked by a horse. His knee was shattered and he fell to the ground, disabled for life. The horse began to run but it fell into a hole and broke its leg. Reflecting on all that had happened, I thought: ‘Evil begets evil. If I continue in my evil ways, I will surely be overtaken by evil’. So I decided to change”.
The minister went away convinced that the time was ripe to overthrow the king and seize the throne. Immersed in thought, he did not see the steps in front of him and fell, breaking his neck.
The wise old man
A wealthy man requested an old scholar to wean his son away from his bad habits.
The scholar took the youth for a stroll through a garden. Stopping suddenly he asked the boy to pull out a tiny plant growing there. The youth held the plant between his thumb and forefinger and pulled it out. The old man then asked him to pull out a slightly bigger plant. The youth pulled hard and the plant came out, roots and all.
"Now pull out that one," said the old man pointing to a bush. The boy had to use all his strength to pull it out.
"Now take this one out," said the old man, indicating a guava tree. The youth grasped the trunk and tried to pull it out. But it would not budge.
"I – It's impossible," said the boy, panting with the effort.
"So it is with bad habits," said the sage. "When they are young it is easy to pull them out but when they take hold they cannot be uprooted."
The session with the old man changed the boy's life.
The scholar took the youth for a stroll through a garden. Stopping suddenly he asked the boy to pull out a tiny plant growing there. The youth held the plant between his thumb and forefinger and pulled it out. The old man then asked him to pull out a slightly bigger plant. The youth pulled hard and the plant came out, roots and all.
"Now pull out that one," said the old man pointing to a bush. The boy had to use all his strength to pull it out.
"Now take this one out," said the old man, indicating a guava tree. The youth grasped the trunk and tried to pull it out. But it would not budge.
"I – It's impossible," said the boy, panting with the effort.
"So it is with bad habits," said the sage. "When they are young it is easy to pull them out but when they take hold they cannot be uprooted."
The session with the old man changed the boy's life.
Moment of truth
There was a young student-archer who reached such proficiency in his art that he could shoot an arrow into a tree and then cleave that arrow into two with the next shot. He began to boast that he was a greater archer than his guru.
One day his guru, a venerable old man in his 70's, asked the youth to accompany him on a trip across the hills. The journey was uneventful until they came to a deep chasm.
A single log spanned the chasm. The guru walked down to the centre of the log, unshouldered his bow and taking an arrow shot it into a tree on the other side. His next shot cleaved the first arrow into two.
"Now it's your turn," he said, walking back to where his student was standing.
The youth stepped gingerly on the log and very slowly and carefully made his way to the middle. But his heart was in his mouth. He knew that if he lost his footing, he would plunge to his death. His hands trembled as he strung an arrow into his bow. Preoccupied with the danger he was in, he found it hard to focus on the target. Consequently when he let go of the arrow, it missed the tree altogether. Whimpering, he turned around.
"Help me!" he shouted to his guru. "I'll fall!"
The old man walked up to him, took his hand and stepping backwards led him to safety. Neither of them said a word on the return journey but the boy had much to think about. He had realised that to be a master of his art it was not enough to know how to control the bow, he had to learn how to control his mind too.
One day his guru, a venerable old man in his 70's, asked the youth to accompany him on a trip across the hills. The journey was uneventful until they came to a deep chasm.
A single log spanned the chasm. The guru walked down to the centre of the log, unshouldered his bow and taking an arrow shot it into a tree on the other side. His next shot cleaved the first arrow into two.
"Now it's your turn," he said, walking back to where his student was standing.
The youth stepped gingerly on the log and very slowly and carefully made his way to the middle. But his heart was in his mouth. He knew that if he lost his footing, he would plunge to his death. His hands trembled as he strung an arrow into his bow. Preoccupied with the danger he was in, he found it hard to focus on the target. Consequently when he let go of the arrow, it missed the tree altogether. Whimpering, he turned around.
"Help me!" he shouted to his guru. "I'll fall!"
The old man walked up to him, took his hand and stepping backwards led him to safety. Neither of them said a word on the return journey but the boy had much to think about. He had realised that to be a master of his art it was not enough to know how to control the bow, he had to learn how to control his mind too.
Thursday, March 11, 2010
Elephant and Rabbit.
Once A large herd of elephants lived in a jungle. Their king was a huge, majestic tusker. He looked after them with love and care. A severe drought hit the area. As there was no rain for a few years, all the rivers and tanks had dried up. Birds and animals died of thirst. The wild elephants suffered for want of water. Their king knew that if they did not get water soon, many of them would die of thirst. He had to find water as quickly as possible.
He asked the elephants to go in different directions to look for water. One of them found a large lake full of water in another jungle far away. The king was happy. He ordered all the elephants to make their way to the lake. It was a beautiful lake. Close to it was a colony of rabbits. The elephants had to pass through this colony. Thousands of rabbits were trampled to death and thousands more were injured. The rabbits were in a panic. Their king called a meeting.
"A herd of wild elephants is passing through our colony," he said. "They have already killed or injured thousands of us. We have to take urgent steps to prevent more deaths. I want all of you to think of a way to save our race." The rabbits thought and thought. How could they stop the elephants? One little rabbit stood up.
"Your Majesty," he said, "if you will send me as your messenger to the king of the elephants, I may be able to find a solution." "By all means, go as my messenger and see what you can do." The little rabbit hurried out.
He saw a group of elephants returning from the lake. Right in the middle was the king. To get near him was impossible. "I will be crushed to death,' thought the rabbit. So he climbed up a huge rock.
"O, king of the elephants," he shouted, "hear me, please." The king heard his voice and turned towards him.
"Well, who are you?" he asked. "I am a messenger," replied the rabbit. "A messenger? From whom?" "I am a messenger from the mighty Moon." "What is your business? Is there a message for me from the Moon?" "Yes, yes, your Majesty. But you must not be angry with me. Please remember that a messenger is never punished for what he has to say. He is only doing his duty." "Very well. Say what you have been sent to say. I shall not harm you." "Sir," said the little rabbit, "the Moon has this to say"
" You, the king of the elephants, have brought your herd to my holy lake and soiled its waters. You have killed thousands of rabbits on your way to the lake. You know that rabbits are under my special protection. Everyone knows that the king of the rabbits lives with me. I ask you not to kill any more rabbits. Otherwise something terrible will happen to you and your herd."
The king of the elephants was shocked. He looked at the little rabbit. "You are right," he said. "We may have killed many rabbits on our way to the lake. I shall see that you do not suffer anymore. I shall request the Moon to forgive me for my sins. Please tell me what I should do." "Come with me alone," replied the rabbit. "Come, I shall take you to the Moon." The little rabbit took the huge elephant to the lake. There they saw the Moon reflected in the still waters. "There, your Majesty, meet the Moon," said the little rabbit.
"Let me worship the divine Moon," said the elephant, and dipped his trunk into the water. At once the water was disturbed. The Moon seemed to move to and fro. The rabbit said, "Now the Moon is angrier than ever." "Why?' asked the king. "What have I done?" "You have touched the holy waters of the lake," replied the rabbit. The elephant bowed his head. "Please ask the Moon to forgive me. Never again will we touch the holy waters of this lake. Never again will we harm the rabbits whom the Moon loves so much." And the king and his herd went away. Soon there was rain and the elephants lived happily. It did not occur to them ever that a little rabbit had fooled them.
MORAL: Wit can win over might.
He asked the elephants to go in different directions to look for water. One of them found a large lake full of water in another jungle far away. The king was happy. He ordered all the elephants to make their way to the lake. It was a beautiful lake. Close to it was a colony of rabbits. The elephants had to pass through this colony. Thousands of rabbits were trampled to death and thousands more were injured. The rabbits were in a panic. Their king called a meeting.
"A herd of wild elephants is passing through our colony," he said. "They have already killed or injured thousands of us. We have to take urgent steps to prevent more deaths. I want all of you to think of a way to save our race." The rabbits thought and thought. How could they stop the elephants? One little rabbit stood up.
"Your Majesty," he said, "if you will send me as your messenger to the king of the elephants, I may be able to find a solution." "By all means, go as my messenger and see what you can do." The little rabbit hurried out.
He saw a group of elephants returning from the lake. Right in the middle was the king. To get near him was impossible. "I will be crushed to death,' thought the rabbit. So he climbed up a huge rock.
"O, king of the elephants," he shouted, "hear me, please." The king heard his voice and turned towards him.
"Well, who are you?" he asked. "I am a messenger," replied the rabbit. "A messenger? From whom?" "I am a messenger from the mighty Moon." "What is your business? Is there a message for me from the Moon?" "Yes, yes, your Majesty. But you must not be angry with me. Please remember that a messenger is never punished for what he has to say. He is only doing his duty." "Very well. Say what you have been sent to say. I shall not harm you." "Sir," said the little rabbit, "the Moon has this to say"
" You, the king of the elephants, have brought your herd to my holy lake and soiled its waters. You have killed thousands of rabbits on your way to the lake. You know that rabbits are under my special protection. Everyone knows that the king of the rabbits lives with me. I ask you not to kill any more rabbits. Otherwise something terrible will happen to you and your herd."
The king of the elephants was shocked. He looked at the little rabbit. "You are right," he said. "We may have killed many rabbits on our way to the lake. I shall see that you do not suffer anymore. I shall request the Moon to forgive me for my sins. Please tell me what I should do." "Come with me alone," replied the rabbit. "Come, I shall take you to the Moon." The little rabbit took the huge elephant to the lake. There they saw the Moon reflected in the still waters. "There, your Majesty, meet the Moon," said the little rabbit.
"Let me worship the divine Moon," said the elephant, and dipped his trunk into the water. At once the water was disturbed. The Moon seemed to move to and fro. The rabbit said, "Now the Moon is angrier than ever." "Why?' asked the king. "What have I done?" "You have touched the holy waters of the lake," replied the rabbit. The elephant bowed his head. "Please ask the Moon to forgive me. Never again will we touch the holy waters of this lake. Never again will we harm the rabbits whom the Moon loves so much." And the king and his herd went away. Soon there was rain and the elephants lived happily. It did not occur to them ever that a little rabbit had fooled them.
MORAL: Wit can win over might.
What is ego. People should understand it as it is most easy to say that he/she is egoistic.
The first thing to be understood is what ego is. A child is born. A child is born without any knowledge, any consciousness of his own self. And when a child is born the first thing he becomes aware of is not himself; the first thing he becomes aware of is the other. It is natural, because the eyes open outwards, the hands touch others, the ears listen to others, the tongue tastes food and the nose smells the outside. All these senses open outwards.
That is what birth means. Birth means coming into this world, the world of the outside. So when a child is born, he is born into this world. He opens his eyes, sees others. 'Other' means the thou. He becomes aware of the mother first. Then, by and by, he becomes aware of his own body. That too is the other, that too belongs to the world. He is hungry and he feels the body; his need is satisfied, he forgets the body.
This is how a child grows. First he becomes aware of you, thou, other, and then by and by, in contrast to you, thou, he becomes aware of himself.
This awareness is a reflected awareness. He is not aware of who he is. He is simply aware of the mother and what she thinks about him. If she smiles, if she appreciates the child, if she says, "You are beautiful," if she hugs and kisses him, the child feels good about himself. Now an ego is born.
Through appreciation, love, care, he feels he is good, he feels he is valuable, he feels he has some significance.
A center is born.
But this center is a reflected center. It is not his real being. He does not know who he is; he simply knows what others think about him. And this is the ego: the reflection, what others think. If nobody thinks that he is of any use, nobody appreciates him, nobody smiles, then too an ego is born: an ill ego; sad, rejected, like a wound; feeling inferior, worthless. This too is the ego. This too is a reflection.
First the mother - and mother means the world in the beginning. Then others will join the mother, and the world goes on growing. And the more the world grows, the more complex the ego becomes, because many others' opinions are reflected.
The ego is an accumulated phenomenon, a by-product of living with others. If a child lives totally alone, he will never come to grow an ego. But that is not going to help. He will remain like an animal. That doesn't mean that he will come to know the real self, no.
The real can be known only through the false, so the ego is a must. One has to pass through it. It is a discipline. The real can be known only through the illusion. You cannot know the truth directly. First you have to know that which is not true. First you have to encounter the untrue. Through that encounter you become capable of knowing the truth. If you know the false as the false, truth will dawn upon you.
Ego is a need; it is a social need, it is a social by-product. The society means all that is around you - not you, but all that is around you. All, minus you, is the society. And everybody reflects. You will go to school and the teacher will reflect who you are. You will be in friendship with other children and they will reflect who you are. By and by, everybody is adding to your ego, and everybody is trying to modify it in such a way that you don't become a problem to the society.
They are not concerned with you.
They are concerned with the society.
Society is concerned with itself, and that's how it should be.
They are not concerned that you should become a self-knower. They are concerned that you should become an efficient part in the mechanism of the society. You should fit into the pattern. So they are trying to give you an ego that fits with the society. They teach you morality. Morality means giving you an ego which will fit with the society. If you are immoral, you will always be a misfit somewhere or other. That's why we put criminals in the prisons - not that they have done something wrong, not that by putting them in the prisons we are going to improve them, no. They simply don't fit. They are troublemakers. They have certain types of egos of which the society doesn't approve. If the society approves, everything is good.
One man kills somebody - he is a murderer.
And the same man in wartime kills thousands - he becomes a great hero. The society is not bothered by a murder, but the murder should be commited for the society - then it is okay. The society doesn't bother about morality.
Morality means only that you should fit with the society.
If the society is at war, then the morality changes.
If the society is at peace, then there is a different morality.
Morality is a social politics. It is diplomacy. And each child has to be brought up in such a way that he fits into the society, that's all. Because society is interested in efficient members. Society is not interested that you should attain to self-knowledge.
The society creates an ego because the ego can be controlled and manipulated. The self can never be controlled or manipulated. Nobody has ever heard of the society controlling a self - not possible.
And the child needs a center; the child is completely unaware of his own center. The society gives him a center and the child is by and by convinced that this is his center, the ego that society gives.
A child comes back to his home - if he has come first in his class, the whole family is happy. You hug and kiss him, and you take the child on your shoulders and dance and you say, "What a beautiful child! You are a pride to us." You are giving him an ego, a subtle ego. And if the child comes home dejected, unsuccessful, a failure - he couldn't pass, or he has just been on the back bench - then nobody appreciates him and the child feels rejected. He will try harder next time, because the center feels shaken.
Ego is always shaken, always in search of food, that somebody should appreciate it. That's why you continuously ask for attention.
You get the idea of who you are from others.
It is not a direct experience.
It is from others that you get the idea of who you are. They shape your center. This center is false, because you carry your real center. That is nobody's business. Nobody shapes it.
You come with it.
You are born with it.
So you have two centers. One center you come with, which is given by existence itself. That is the self. And the other center, which is created by the society, is the ego. It is a false thing - and it is a very great trick. Through the ego the society is controlling you. You have to behave in a certain way, because only then does the society appreciate you. You have to walk in a certain way; you have to laugh in a certain way; you have to follow certain manners, a morality, a code. Only then will the society appreciate you, and if it doesn't, you ego will be shaken. And when the ego is shaken, you don't know where you are, who you are.
The others have given you the idea.
That idea is the ego.
Try to understand it as deeply as possible, because this has to be thrown. And unless you throw it you will never be able to attain to the self. Because you are addicted to the center, you cannot move, and you cannot look at the self.
And remember, there is going to be an interim period, an interval, when the ego will be shattered, when you will not know who you are, when you will not know where you are going, when all boundaries will melt.
You will simply be confused, a chaos.
Because of this chaos, you are afraid to lose the ego. But it has to be so. One has to pass through the chaos before one attains to the real center.
And if you are daring, the period will be small.
If you are afraid, and you again fall back to the ego, and you again start arranging it, then it can be very, very long; many lives can be wasted.
I have heard: One small child was visiting his grandparents. He was just four years old. In the night when the grandmother was putting him to sleep, he suddenly started crying and weeping and said, "I want to go home. I am afraid of darkness." But the grandmother said, "I know well that at home also you sleep in the dark; I have never seen a light on. So why are you afraid here?" The boy said, "Yes, that's right - but that is MY darkness." This darkness is completely unknown.
Even with darkness you feel, "This is MINE."
Outside - an unknown darkness.
With the ego you feel, "This is MY darkness."
It may be troublesome, maybe it creates many miseries, but still mine. Something to hold to, something to cling to, something underneath the feet; you are not in a vacuum, not in an emptiness. You may be miserable, but at least you ARE. Even being miserable gives you a feeling of 'I am'. Moving from it, fear takes over; you start feeling afraid of the unknown darkness and chaos - because society has managed to clear a small part of your being.
It is just like going to a forest. You make a little clearing, you clear a little ground; you make fencing, you make a small hut; you make a small garden, a lawn, and you are okay. Beyond your fence - the forest, the wild. Here everything is okay; you have planned everything. This is how it has happened.
Society has made a little clearing in your consciousness. It has cleaned just a little part completely, fenced it. Everything is okay there. That's what all your universities are doing. The whole culture and conditioning is just to clear a part so that you can feel at home there.
And then you become afraid.
Beyond the fence there is danger.
Beyond the fence you are, as within the fence you are - and your conscious mind is just one part, one-tenth of your whole being. Nine-tenths is waiting in the darkness. And in that nine-tenths, somewhere your real center is hidden.
One has to be daring, courageous.
One has to take a step into the unknown.
For a while all boundaries will be lost.
For a while you will feel dizzy.
For a while, you will feel very afraid and shaken, as if an earthquake has happened. But if you are courageous and you don't go backwards, if you don't fall back to the ego and you go on and on, there is a hidden center within you that you have been carrying for many lives.
That is your soul, the self.
Once you come near it, everything changes, everything settles again. But now this settling is not done by the society. Now everything becomes a cosmos, not a chaos; a new order arises.
But this is no longer the order of the society - it is the very order of existence itself.
It is what Buddha calls Dhamma, Lao Tzu calls Tao, Heraclitus calls Logos. It is not man-made. It is the VERY order of existence itself. Then everything is suddenly beautiful again, and for the first time really beautiful, because man-made things cannot be beautiful. At the most you can hide the ugliness of them, that's all. You can decorate them, but they can never be beautiful.
The difference is just like the difference between a real flower and a plastic or paper flower. The ego is a plastic flower - dead. It just looks like a flower, it is not a flower. You cannot really call it a flower. Even linguistically to call it a flower is wrong, because a flower is something which flowers. And this plastic thing is just a thing, not a flowering. It is dead. There is no life in it.
You have a flowering center within. That's why Hindus call it a lotus - it is a flowering. They call it the one-thousand-petaled-lotus. One thousand means infinite petals. And it goes on flowering, it never stops, it never dies.
But you are satisfied with a plastic ego.
There are some reasons why you are satisfied. With a dead thing, there are many conveniences. One is that a dead thing never dies. It cannot - it was never alive. So you can have plastic flowers, they are good in a way. They are permanent; they are not eternal, but they are permanent.
The real flower outside in the garden is eternal, but not permanent. And the eternal has its own way of being eternal. The way of the eternal is to be born again and again and to die. Through death it refreshes itself, rejuvenates itself.
To us it appears that the flower has died - it never dies.
It simply changes bodies, so it is ever fresh.
It leaves the old body, it enters a new body. It flowers somewhere else; it goes on flowering.
But we cannot see the continuity because the continuity is invisible. We see only one flower, another flower; we never see the continuity.
It is the same flower which flowered yesterday.
It is the same sun, but in a different garb.
The ego has a certain quality - it is dead. It is a plastic thing. And it is very easy to get it, because others give it. You need not seek it, there is no search involved. That's why unless you become a seeker after the unknown, you have not yet become an individual. You are just a part of the crowd. You are just a mob.
When you don't have a real center, how can you be an individual?
The ego is not individual. Ego is a social phenomenon - it is society, its not you. But it gives you a function in the society, a hierarchy in the society. And if you remain satisfied with it, you will miss the whole opportunity of finding the self.
And that's why you are so miserable.
With a plastic life, how can you be happy?
With a false life, how can you be ecstatic and blissful? And then this ego creates many miseries, millions of them.
You cannot see, because it is your own darkness. You are attuned to it.
Have you ever noticed that all types of miseries enter through the ego? It cannot make you blissful; it can only make you miserable.
Ego is hell.
Whenever you suffer, just try to watch and analyze, and you will find, somewhere the ego is the cause of it. And the ego goes on finding causes to suffer.
You are an egoist, as everyone is. Some are very gross, just on the surface, and they are not so difficult. Some are very subtle, deep down, and they are the real problems.
This ego comes continuously in conflict with others because every ego is so unconfident about itself. Is has to be - it is a false thing. When you don't have anything in your hand and you just think that something is there, then there will be a problem.
If somebody says, "There is nothing," immediately the fight will start, because you also feel that there is nothing. The other makes you aware of the fact.
Ego is false, it is nothing.
That you also know.
How can you miss knowing it? It is impossible! A conscious being - how can he miss knowing that this ego is just false? And then others say that there is nothing - and whenever the others say that there is nothing they hit a wound, they say a truth - and nothing hits like the truth.
You have to defend, because if you don't defend, if you don't become defensive, then where will you be?
You will be lost.
The identity will be broken.
So you have to defend and fight - that is the clash.
A man who attains to the self is never in any clash. Others may come and clash with him, but he is never in clash with anybody.
It happened that one Zen master was passing through a street. A man came running and hit him hard. The master fell down. Then he got up and started to walk in the same direction in which he was going before, not even looking back.
A disciple was with the master. He was simply shocked. He said, "Who is this man? What is this? If one lives in such a way, then anybody can come and kill you. And you have not even looked at that person, who he is, and why he did it."
The master said, "That is his problem, not mine."
You can clash with an enlightened man, but that is your problem, not his. And if you are hurt in that clash, that too is your own problem. He cannot hurt you. And it is like knocking against a wall - you will be hurt, but the wall has not hurt you.
The ego is always looking for some trouble. Why? Because if nobody pays attention to you, the ego feels hungry.
It lives on attention.
So even if somebody is fighting and angry with you, that too is good because at least the attention is paid. If somebody loves, it is okay. If somebody is not loving you, then even anger will be good. At least the attention will come to you. But if nobody is paying any attention to you, nobody thinks that you are somebody important, significant, then how will you feed your ego?
Other's attention is needed.
In millions of ways you attract the attention of others; you dress in a certain way, you try to look beautiful, you behave, you become very polite, you change. When you feel what type of situation is there, you immediately change so that people pay attention to you.
This is a deep begging.
A real beggar is one who asks for and demands attention. And a real emperor is one who lives in himself; he has a center of his own, he doesn't depend on anybody else.
Buddha sitting under his bodhi tree...if the whole world suddenly disappears, will it make any difference to Buddha? -none. It will not make any difference at all. If the whole world disappears, it will not make any difference because he has attained to the center.
But you, if the wife escapes, divorces you, goes to somebody else, you are completely shattered - because she had been paying attention to you, caring, loving, moving around you, helping you to feel that you were somebody. Your whole empire is lost, you are simply shattered. You start thinking about suicide. Why? Why, if a wife leaves you, should you commit suicide? Why, if a husband leaves you, should you commit suicide? Because you don't have any center of your own. The wife was giving you the center; the husband was giving you the center.
This is how people exist. This is how people become dependent on others. It is a deep slavery. Ego HAS to be a slave. It depends on others. And only a person who has no ego is for the first time a master; he is no longer a slave. Try to understand this.
And start looking for the ego - not in others, that is not your business, but in yourself. Whenever you feel miserable, immediately close you eyes and try to find out from where the misery is coming and you will always find it is the false center which has clashed with someone.
You expected something, and it didn't happen.
You expected something, and just the contrary happened - your ego is shaken, you are in misery. Just look, whenever you are miserable, try to find out why.
Causes are not outside you. The basic cause is within you - but you always look outside, you always ask:
Who is making me miserable?
Who is the cause of my anger?
Who is the cause of my anguish?
And if you look outside you will miss.
Just close the eyes and always look within.
The source of all misery, anger, anguish, is hidden in you, your ego.
And if you find the source, it will be easy to move beyond it. If you can see that it is your own ego that gives you trouble, you will prefer to drop it - because nobody can carry the source of misery if he understands it.
And remember, there is no need to drop the ego.
You cannot drop it.
If you try to drop it, you will attain to a certain subtle ego again which says, "I have become humble."
Don't try to be humble. That's again ego in hiding - but it's not dead.
Don't try to be humble.
Nobody can try humility, and nobody can create humility through any effort of his own - no. When the ego is no more, a humbleness comes to you. It is not a creation. It is a shadow of the real center.
And a really humble man is neither humble nor egoistic.
He is simply simple.
He's not even aware that he is humble.
If you are aware that you are humble, the ego is there.
Look at humble persons.... There are millions who think that they are very humble. They bow down very low, but watch them - they are the subtlest egoists. Now humility is their source of food. They say, "I am humble," and then they look at you and they wait for you to appreciate them.
"You are really humble," they would like you to say. "In fact, you are the most humble man in the world; nobody is as humble as you are." Then see the smile that comes on their faces.
What is ego? Ego is a hierarchy that says, "No one is like me." It can feed on humbleness - "Nobody is like me, I am the most humble man."
It happened once:
A fakir, a beggar, was praying in a mosque, just early in the morning when it was still dark. It was a certain religious day for Mohammedians, and he was praying, and he was saying, "I am nobody. I am the poorest of the poor, the greatest sinner of sinners."
Suddenly there was one more person who was praying. He was the emperor of that country, and he was not aware that there was somebody else there who was praying - it was dark, and the emperor was also saying:
"I am nobody. I am nothing. I am just empty, a beggar at our door." When he heard that somebody else was saying the same thing, he said, "Stop! Who is trying to overtake me? Who are you? How dare you say before the emperor that you are nobody when he is saying that he is nobody?"
This is how the ego goes. It is so subtle. Its ways are so subtle and cunning; you have to be very, very alert, only then will you see it. Don't try to be humble. Just try to see that all misery, all anguish comes through it.
Just watch! No need to drop it.
You cannot drop it. Who will drop it? Then the DROPPER will become the ego. It always comes back.
Whatsoever you do, stand out of it, and look and watch.
Whatsoever you do - humbleness, humility, simplicity - nothing will help. Only one thing is possible, and that is just to watch and see that it is the source of all misery. Don't say it. Don't repeat it - WATCH. Because if I say it is the source of all misery and you repeat it, then it is useless. YOU have to come to that understanding. Whenever you are miserable, just close the eyes and don't try to find some cause outside. Try to see from where this misery is coming.
It is your own ego.
If you continuously feel and understand, and the understanding that the ego is the cause becomes so deep-rooted, one day you will suddenly see that it has disappeared. Nobody drops it - nobody can drop it. You simply see; it has simply disappeared, because the very understanding that ego causes all misery becomes the dropping. THE VERY UNDERSTANDING IS THE DISAPPEARANCE OF THE EGO.
And you are so clever in seeing the ego in others. Anybody can see someone else's ego. When it comes to your own, then the problem arises - because you don't know the territory, you have never traveled on it.
The whole path towards the divine, the ultimate, has to pass through this territory of the ego. The false has to be understood as false. The source of misery has to be understood as the source of misery - then it simply drops.
When you know it is poison, it drops. When you know it is fire, it drops. When you know this is the hell, it drops.
And then you never say, "I have dropped the ego." Then you simply laugh at the whole thing, the joke that you were the creator of all misery.
I was just looking at a few cartoons of Charlie Brown. In one cartoon he is playing with blocks, making a house out of children's blocks. He is sitting in the middle of the blocks building the walls. Then a moment comes when he is enclosed; all around he has made a wall. Then he cries, "Help, help!"
He has done the whole thing! Now he is enclosed, imprisoned. This is childish, but this is all that you have done also. You have made a house all around yourself, and now you are crying, "Help, help!" And the misery becomes a millionfold - because there are helpers who are also in the same boat.
It happened that one very beautiful woman went to see her psychiatrist for the first time. The psychiatrist said, "Come closer please." When she came closer, he simply jumped and hugged and kissed the woman. She was shocked. Then he said, "Now sit down. This takes care of my problem, now what is your problem?"
The problem becomes multifold, because there are helpers who are in the same boat. And they would like to help, because when you help somebody the ego feels very good, very, very good - because you are a great helper, a great guru, a master; you are helping so many people. The greater the crowd of your followers, the better you feel.
But you are in the same boat - you cannot help.
Rather, you will harm.
People who still have their own problems cannot be of much help. Only someone who has no problems of his own can help you. Only then is there the clarity to see, to see through you. A mind that has no problems of its own can see you, you become transparent.
A mind that has no problems of its own can see through itself; that's why it becomes capable of seeing through others.
In the West, there are many schools of psychoanalysis, many schools, and no help is reaching people, but rather, harm. Because the people who are helping others, or trying to help, or posing as helpers, are in the same boat.
...It is difficult to see one's own ego.
It is very easy to see other's egos. But that is not the point, you cannot help them.
Try to see your own ego.
Just watch it.
Don't be in a hurry to drop it, just watch it. The more you watch, the more capable you will become. Suddenly one day, you simply see that it has dropped. And when it drops by itself, only then does it drop. There is no other way. Prematurely you cannot drop it.
It drops just like a dead leaf.
The tree is not doing anything - just a breeze, a situation, and the dead leaf simply drops. The tree is not even aware that the dead leaf has dropped. It makes no noise, it makes no claim - nothing.
The dead leaf simply drops and shatters on the ground, just like that.
When you are mature through understanding, awareness, and you have felt totally that ego is the cause of all your misery, simply one day you see the dead leaf dropping.
It settles into the ground, dies of its own accord. You have not done anything so you cannot claim that you have dropped it. You see that it has simply disappeared, and then the real center arises.
And that real center is the soul, the self, the god, the truth, or whatsoever you want to call it.
It is nameless, so all names are good.
You can give it any name of your own liking.
That is what birth means. Birth means coming into this world, the world of the outside. So when a child is born, he is born into this world. He opens his eyes, sees others. 'Other' means the thou. He becomes aware of the mother first. Then, by and by, he becomes aware of his own body. That too is the other, that too belongs to the world. He is hungry and he feels the body; his need is satisfied, he forgets the body.
This is how a child grows. First he becomes aware of you, thou, other, and then by and by, in contrast to you, thou, he becomes aware of himself.
This awareness is a reflected awareness. He is not aware of who he is. He is simply aware of the mother and what she thinks about him. If she smiles, if she appreciates the child, if she says, "You are beautiful," if she hugs and kisses him, the child feels good about himself. Now an ego is born.
Through appreciation, love, care, he feels he is good, he feels he is valuable, he feels he has some significance.
A center is born.
But this center is a reflected center. It is not his real being. He does not know who he is; he simply knows what others think about him. And this is the ego: the reflection, what others think. If nobody thinks that he is of any use, nobody appreciates him, nobody smiles, then too an ego is born: an ill ego; sad, rejected, like a wound; feeling inferior, worthless. This too is the ego. This too is a reflection.
First the mother - and mother means the world in the beginning. Then others will join the mother, and the world goes on growing. And the more the world grows, the more complex the ego becomes, because many others' opinions are reflected.
The ego is an accumulated phenomenon, a by-product of living with others. If a child lives totally alone, he will never come to grow an ego. But that is not going to help. He will remain like an animal. That doesn't mean that he will come to know the real self, no.
The real can be known only through the false, so the ego is a must. One has to pass through it. It is a discipline. The real can be known only through the illusion. You cannot know the truth directly. First you have to know that which is not true. First you have to encounter the untrue. Through that encounter you become capable of knowing the truth. If you know the false as the false, truth will dawn upon you.
Ego is a need; it is a social need, it is a social by-product. The society means all that is around you - not you, but all that is around you. All, minus you, is the society. And everybody reflects. You will go to school and the teacher will reflect who you are. You will be in friendship with other children and they will reflect who you are. By and by, everybody is adding to your ego, and everybody is trying to modify it in such a way that you don't become a problem to the society.
They are not concerned with you.
They are concerned with the society.
Society is concerned with itself, and that's how it should be.
They are not concerned that you should become a self-knower. They are concerned that you should become an efficient part in the mechanism of the society. You should fit into the pattern. So they are trying to give you an ego that fits with the society. They teach you morality. Morality means giving you an ego which will fit with the society. If you are immoral, you will always be a misfit somewhere or other. That's why we put criminals in the prisons - not that they have done something wrong, not that by putting them in the prisons we are going to improve them, no. They simply don't fit. They are troublemakers. They have certain types of egos of which the society doesn't approve. If the society approves, everything is good.
One man kills somebody - he is a murderer.
And the same man in wartime kills thousands - he becomes a great hero. The society is not bothered by a murder, but the murder should be commited for the society - then it is okay. The society doesn't bother about morality.
Morality means only that you should fit with the society.
If the society is at war, then the morality changes.
If the society is at peace, then there is a different morality.
Morality is a social politics. It is diplomacy. And each child has to be brought up in such a way that he fits into the society, that's all. Because society is interested in efficient members. Society is not interested that you should attain to self-knowledge.
The society creates an ego because the ego can be controlled and manipulated. The self can never be controlled or manipulated. Nobody has ever heard of the society controlling a self - not possible.
And the child needs a center; the child is completely unaware of his own center. The society gives him a center and the child is by and by convinced that this is his center, the ego that society gives.
A child comes back to his home - if he has come first in his class, the whole family is happy. You hug and kiss him, and you take the child on your shoulders and dance and you say, "What a beautiful child! You are a pride to us." You are giving him an ego, a subtle ego. And if the child comes home dejected, unsuccessful, a failure - he couldn't pass, or he has just been on the back bench - then nobody appreciates him and the child feels rejected. He will try harder next time, because the center feels shaken.
Ego is always shaken, always in search of food, that somebody should appreciate it. That's why you continuously ask for attention.
You get the idea of who you are from others.
It is not a direct experience.
It is from others that you get the idea of who you are. They shape your center. This center is false, because you carry your real center. That is nobody's business. Nobody shapes it.
You come with it.
You are born with it.
So you have two centers. One center you come with, which is given by existence itself. That is the self. And the other center, which is created by the society, is the ego. It is a false thing - and it is a very great trick. Through the ego the society is controlling you. You have to behave in a certain way, because only then does the society appreciate you. You have to walk in a certain way; you have to laugh in a certain way; you have to follow certain manners, a morality, a code. Only then will the society appreciate you, and if it doesn't, you ego will be shaken. And when the ego is shaken, you don't know where you are, who you are.
The others have given you the idea.
That idea is the ego.
Try to understand it as deeply as possible, because this has to be thrown. And unless you throw it you will never be able to attain to the self. Because you are addicted to the center, you cannot move, and you cannot look at the self.
And remember, there is going to be an interim period, an interval, when the ego will be shattered, when you will not know who you are, when you will not know where you are going, when all boundaries will melt.
You will simply be confused, a chaos.
Because of this chaos, you are afraid to lose the ego. But it has to be so. One has to pass through the chaos before one attains to the real center.
And if you are daring, the period will be small.
If you are afraid, and you again fall back to the ego, and you again start arranging it, then it can be very, very long; many lives can be wasted.
I have heard: One small child was visiting his grandparents. He was just four years old. In the night when the grandmother was putting him to sleep, he suddenly started crying and weeping and said, "I want to go home. I am afraid of darkness." But the grandmother said, "I know well that at home also you sleep in the dark; I have never seen a light on. So why are you afraid here?" The boy said, "Yes, that's right - but that is MY darkness." This darkness is completely unknown.
Even with darkness you feel, "This is MINE."
Outside - an unknown darkness.
With the ego you feel, "This is MY darkness."
It may be troublesome, maybe it creates many miseries, but still mine. Something to hold to, something to cling to, something underneath the feet; you are not in a vacuum, not in an emptiness. You may be miserable, but at least you ARE. Even being miserable gives you a feeling of 'I am'. Moving from it, fear takes over; you start feeling afraid of the unknown darkness and chaos - because society has managed to clear a small part of your being.
It is just like going to a forest. You make a little clearing, you clear a little ground; you make fencing, you make a small hut; you make a small garden, a lawn, and you are okay. Beyond your fence - the forest, the wild. Here everything is okay; you have planned everything. This is how it has happened.
Society has made a little clearing in your consciousness. It has cleaned just a little part completely, fenced it. Everything is okay there. That's what all your universities are doing. The whole culture and conditioning is just to clear a part so that you can feel at home there.
And then you become afraid.
Beyond the fence there is danger.
Beyond the fence you are, as within the fence you are - and your conscious mind is just one part, one-tenth of your whole being. Nine-tenths is waiting in the darkness. And in that nine-tenths, somewhere your real center is hidden.
One has to be daring, courageous.
One has to take a step into the unknown.
For a while all boundaries will be lost.
For a while you will feel dizzy.
For a while, you will feel very afraid and shaken, as if an earthquake has happened. But if you are courageous and you don't go backwards, if you don't fall back to the ego and you go on and on, there is a hidden center within you that you have been carrying for many lives.
That is your soul, the self.
Once you come near it, everything changes, everything settles again. But now this settling is not done by the society. Now everything becomes a cosmos, not a chaos; a new order arises.
But this is no longer the order of the society - it is the very order of existence itself.
It is what Buddha calls Dhamma, Lao Tzu calls Tao, Heraclitus calls Logos. It is not man-made. It is the VERY order of existence itself. Then everything is suddenly beautiful again, and for the first time really beautiful, because man-made things cannot be beautiful. At the most you can hide the ugliness of them, that's all. You can decorate them, but they can never be beautiful.
The difference is just like the difference between a real flower and a plastic or paper flower. The ego is a plastic flower - dead. It just looks like a flower, it is not a flower. You cannot really call it a flower. Even linguistically to call it a flower is wrong, because a flower is something which flowers. And this plastic thing is just a thing, not a flowering. It is dead. There is no life in it.
You have a flowering center within. That's why Hindus call it a lotus - it is a flowering. They call it the one-thousand-petaled-lotus. One thousand means infinite petals. And it goes on flowering, it never stops, it never dies.
But you are satisfied with a plastic ego.
There are some reasons why you are satisfied. With a dead thing, there are many conveniences. One is that a dead thing never dies. It cannot - it was never alive. So you can have plastic flowers, they are good in a way. They are permanent; they are not eternal, but they are permanent.
The real flower outside in the garden is eternal, but not permanent. And the eternal has its own way of being eternal. The way of the eternal is to be born again and again and to die. Through death it refreshes itself, rejuvenates itself.
To us it appears that the flower has died - it never dies.
It simply changes bodies, so it is ever fresh.
It leaves the old body, it enters a new body. It flowers somewhere else; it goes on flowering.
But we cannot see the continuity because the continuity is invisible. We see only one flower, another flower; we never see the continuity.
It is the same flower which flowered yesterday.
It is the same sun, but in a different garb.
The ego has a certain quality - it is dead. It is a plastic thing. And it is very easy to get it, because others give it. You need not seek it, there is no search involved. That's why unless you become a seeker after the unknown, you have not yet become an individual. You are just a part of the crowd. You are just a mob.
When you don't have a real center, how can you be an individual?
The ego is not individual. Ego is a social phenomenon - it is society, its not you. But it gives you a function in the society, a hierarchy in the society. And if you remain satisfied with it, you will miss the whole opportunity of finding the self.
And that's why you are so miserable.
With a plastic life, how can you be happy?
With a false life, how can you be ecstatic and blissful? And then this ego creates many miseries, millions of them.
You cannot see, because it is your own darkness. You are attuned to it.
Have you ever noticed that all types of miseries enter through the ego? It cannot make you blissful; it can only make you miserable.
Ego is hell.
Whenever you suffer, just try to watch and analyze, and you will find, somewhere the ego is the cause of it. And the ego goes on finding causes to suffer.
You are an egoist, as everyone is. Some are very gross, just on the surface, and they are not so difficult. Some are very subtle, deep down, and they are the real problems.
This ego comes continuously in conflict with others because every ego is so unconfident about itself. Is has to be - it is a false thing. When you don't have anything in your hand and you just think that something is there, then there will be a problem.
If somebody says, "There is nothing," immediately the fight will start, because you also feel that there is nothing. The other makes you aware of the fact.
Ego is false, it is nothing.
That you also know.
How can you miss knowing it? It is impossible! A conscious being - how can he miss knowing that this ego is just false? And then others say that there is nothing - and whenever the others say that there is nothing they hit a wound, they say a truth - and nothing hits like the truth.
You have to defend, because if you don't defend, if you don't become defensive, then where will you be?
You will be lost.
The identity will be broken.
So you have to defend and fight - that is the clash.
A man who attains to the self is never in any clash. Others may come and clash with him, but he is never in clash with anybody.
It happened that one Zen master was passing through a street. A man came running and hit him hard. The master fell down. Then he got up and started to walk in the same direction in which he was going before, not even looking back.
A disciple was with the master. He was simply shocked. He said, "Who is this man? What is this? If one lives in such a way, then anybody can come and kill you. And you have not even looked at that person, who he is, and why he did it."
The master said, "That is his problem, not mine."
You can clash with an enlightened man, but that is your problem, not his. And if you are hurt in that clash, that too is your own problem. He cannot hurt you. And it is like knocking against a wall - you will be hurt, but the wall has not hurt you.
The ego is always looking for some trouble. Why? Because if nobody pays attention to you, the ego feels hungry.
It lives on attention.
So even if somebody is fighting and angry with you, that too is good because at least the attention is paid. If somebody loves, it is okay. If somebody is not loving you, then even anger will be good. At least the attention will come to you. But if nobody is paying any attention to you, nobody thinks that you are somebody important, significant, then how will you feed your ego?
Other's attention is needed.
In millions of ways you attract the attention of others; you dress in a certain way, you try to look beautiful, you behave, you become very polite, you change. When you feel what type of situation is there, you immediately change so that people pay attention to you.
This is a deep begging.
A real beggar is one who asks for and demands attention. And a real emperor is one who lives in himself; he has a center of his own, he doesn't depend on anybody else.
Buddha sitting under his bodhi tree...if the whole world suddenly disappears, will it make any difference to Buddha? -none. It will not make any difference at all. If the whole world disappears, it will not make any difference because he has attained to the center.
But you, if the wife escapes, divorces you, goes to somebody else, you are completely shattered - because she had been paying attention to you, caring, loving, moving around you, helping you to feel that you were somebody. Your whole empire is lost, you are simply shattered. You start thinking about suicide. Why? Why, if a wife leaves you, should you commit suicide? Why, if a husband leaves you, should you commit suicide? Because you don't have any center of your own. The wife was giving you the center; the husband was giving you the center.
This is how people exist. This is how people become dependent on others. It is a deep slavery. Ego HAS to be a slave. It depends on others. And only a person who has no ego is for the first time a master; he is no longer a slave. Try to understand this.
And start looking for the ego - not in others, that is not your business, but in yourself. Whenever you feel miserable, immediately close you eyes and try to find out from where the misery is coming and you will always find it is the false center which has clashed with someone.
You expected something, and it didn't happen.
You expected something, and just the contrary happened - your ego is shaken, you are in misery. Just look, whenever you are miserable, try to find out why.
Causes are not outside you. The basic cause is within you - but you always look outside, you always ask:
Who is making me miserable?
Who is the cause of my anger?
Who is the cause of my anguish?
And if you look outside you will miss.
Just close the eyes and always look within.
The source of all misery, anger, anguish, is hidden in you, your ego.
And if you find the source, it will be easy to move beyond it. If you can see that it is your own ego that gives you trouble, you will prefer to drop it - because nobody can carry the source of misery if he understands it.
And remember, there is no need to drop the ego.
You cannot drop it.
If you try to drop it, you will attain to a certain subtle ego again which says, "I have become humble."
Don't try to be humble. That's again ego in hiding - but it's not dead.
Don't try to be humble.
Nobody can try humility, and nobody can create humility through any effort of his own - no. When the ego is no more, a humbleness comes to you. It is not a creation. It is a shadow of the real center.
And a really humble man is neither humble nor egoistic.
He is simply simple.
He's not even aware that he is humble.
If you are aware that you are humble, the ego is there.
Look at humble persons.... There are millions who think that they are very humble. They bow down very low, but watch them - they are the subtlest egoists. Now humility is their source of food. They say, "I am humble," and then they look at you and they wait for you to appreciate them.
"You are really humble," they would like you to say. "In fact, you are the most humble man in the world; nobody is as humble as you are." Then see the smile that comes on their faces.
What is ego? Ego is a hierarchy that says, "No one is like me." It can feed on humbleness - "Nobody is like me, I am the most humble man."
It happened once:
A fakir, a beggar, was praying in a mosque, just early in the morning when it was still dark. It was a certain religious day for Mohammedians, and he was praying, and he was saying, "I am nobody. I am the poorest of the poor, the greatest sinner of sinners."
Suddenly there was one more person who was praying. He was the emperor of that country, and he was not aware that there was somebody else there who was praying - it was dark, and the emperor was also saying:
"I am nobody. I am nothing. I am just empty, a beggar at our door." When he heard that somebody else was saying the same thing, he said, "Stop! Who is trying to overtake me? Who are you? How dare you say before the emperor that you are nobody when he is saying that he is nobody?"
This is how the ego goes. It is so subtle. Its ways are so subtle and cunning; you have to be very, very alert, only then will you see it. Don't try to be humble. Just try to see that all misery, all anguish comes through it.
Just watch! No need to drop it.
You cannot drop it. Who will drop it? Then the DROPPER will become the ego. It always comes back.
Whatsoever you do, stand out of it, and look and watch.
Whatsoever you do - humbleness, humility, simplicity - nothing will help. Only one thing is possible, and that is just to watch and see that it is the source of all misery. Don't say it. Don't repeat it - WATCH. Because if I say it is the source of all misery and you repeat it, then it is useless. YOU have to come to that understanding. Whenever you are miserable, just close the eyes and don't try to find some cause outside. Try to see from where this misery is coming.
It is your own ego.
If you continuously feel and understand, and the understanding that the ego is the cause becomes so deep-rooted, one day you will suddenly see that it has disappeared. Nobody drops it - nobody can drop it. You simply see; it has simply disappeared, because the very understanding that ego causes all misery becomes the dropping. THE VERY UNDERSTANDING IS THE DISAPPEARANCE OF THE EGO.
And you are so clever in seeing the ego in others. Anybody can see someone else's ego. When it comes to your own, then the problem arises - because you don't know the territory, you have never traveled on it.
The whole path towards the divine, the ultimate, has to pass through this territory of the ego. The false has to be understood as false. The source of misery has to be understood as the source of misery - then it simply drops.
When you know it is poison, it drops. When you know it is fire, it drops. When you know this is the hell, it drops.
And then you never say, "I have dropped the ego." Then you simply laugh at the whole thing, the joke that you were the creator of all misery.
I was just looking at a few cartoons of Charlie Brown. In one cartoon he is playing with blocks, making a house out of children's blocks. He is sitting in the middle of the blocks building the walls. Then a moment comes when he is enclosed; all around he has made a wall. Then he cries, "Help, help!"
He has done the whole thing! Now he is enclosed, imprisoned. This is childish, but this is all that you have done also. You have made a house all around yourself, and now you are crying, "Help, help!" And the misery becomes a millionfold - because there are helpers who are also in the same boat.
It happened that one very beautiful woman went to see her psychiatrist for the first time. The psychiatrist said, "Come closer please." When she came closer, he simply jumped and hugged and kissed the woman. She was shocked. Then he said, "Now sit down. This takes care of my problem, now what is your problem?"
The problem becomes multifold, because there are helpers who are in the same boat. And they would like to help, because when you help somebody the ego feels very good, very, very good - because you are a great helper, a great guru, a master; you are helping so many people. The greater the crowd of your followers, the better you feel.
But you are in the same boat - you cannot help.
Rather, you will harm.
People who still have their own problems cannot be of much help. Only someone who has no problems of his own can help you. Only then is there the clarity to see, to see through you. A mind that has no problems of its own can see you, you become transparent.
A mind that has no problems of its own can see through itself; that's why it becomes capable of seeing through others.
In the West, there are many schools of psychoanalysis, many schools, and no help is reaching people, but rather, harm. Because the people who are helping others, or trying to help, or posing as helpers, are in the same boat.
...It is difficult to see one's own ego.
It is very easy to see other's egos. But that is not the point, you cannot help them.
Try to see your own ego.
Just watch it.
Don't be in a hurry to drop it, just watch it. The more you watch, the more capable you will become. Suddenly one day, you simply see that it has dropped. And when it drops by itself, only then does it drop. There is no other way. Prematurely you cannot drop it.
It drops just like a dead leaf.
The tree is not doing anything - just a breeze, a situation, and the dead leaf simply drops. The tree is not even aware that the dead leaf has dropped. It makes no noise, it makes no claim - nothing.
The dead leaf simply drops and shatters on the ground, just like that.
When you are mature through understanding, awareness, and you have felt totally that ego is the cause of all your misery, simply one day you see the dead leaf dropping.
It settles into the ground, dies of its own accord. You have not done anything so you cannot claim that you have dropped it. You see that it has simply disappeared, and then the real center arises.
And that real center is the soul, the self, the god, the truth, or whatsoever you want to call it.
It is nameless, so all names are good.
You can give it any name of your own liking.
Wednesday, March 10, 2010
If an egg is broken by outside force -- LIFE ENDS : If an egg breaks from WITHIN - LIFE BEGINS ... GREAT things always begin from WITHIN
Hello Friends,
Few days back I just logged into indiatimes.com to find this question which is above. The link to that question is below to click.
http://qna.indiatimes.com/index.php?ref=permalinkquestion&question_id=310030
Though i had put my thoughts on that through my id. I thought i would discuss this elaborate on the blog.
1. All eggs are not capable to produce life as we see now a days most of the eggs that come in market are artifically made through injections to hen/poultry.
2. And it is a proven fact that the egg doesnot break if it falls straight where its resistance is high. proven by science. so even if external force works it cannot break unless it is applied in right direction.
3. Even for the life to begin external force is needed. We see hen sits on the egg to give warmth to hatch them. Isnt that an external force.
4. Whether egg or no egg. Things begin within. change is something which somebody has to get on to himself not forced. If people cannot change themselves life or no life is same. As the saying goes 'live life'.
Hope to see indiatimes coming with good questions which are thought provactive.
May lord vishnu bless us all.
Few days back I just logged into indiatimes.com to find this question which is above. The link to that question is below to click.
http://qna.indiatimes.com/index.php?ref=permalinkquestion&question_id=310030
Though i had put my thoughts on that through my id. I thought i would discuss this elaborate on the blog.
1. All eggs are not capable to produce life as we see now a days most of the eggs that come in market are artifically made through injections to hen/poultry.
2. And it is a proven fact that the egg doesnot break if it falls straight where its resistance is high. proven by science. so even if external force works it cannot break unless it is applied in right direction.
3. Even for the life to begin external force is needed. We see hen sits on the egg to give warmth to hatch them. Isnt that an external force.
4. Whether egg or no egg. Things begin within. change is something which somebody has to get on to himself not forced. If people cannot change themselves life or no life is same. As the saying goes 'live life'.
Hope to see indiatimes coming with good questions which are thought provactive.
May lord vishnu bless us all.
How to win over the in-laws
A sincere thanks to Sachin who shared a good article.
If you’ve just gotten married, it’s very likely that you won’t know your husband’s family very well. And it makes you nervous, because suddenly you’re living with a houseful of strangers.
To settle in with the family, it’s worth it to make that extra effort and connect with them. Not only will it help you make friends with his parents, but it will also do a world of good for your relationship.
If you’ve been married a while, but don’t live with your in-laws your husband will all the more appreciate the fact that you’re making an effort to keep his parents happy. So, why not try these tips:
Take his mom out
If his mom wants to go shopping and there’s nobody to take her, why don’t you drive her and spend a day shopping with her? She’ll appreciate the gesture. You can bond over clothes and shoes - or vegetables and spices. Who knows, if your tastes match, it could be the beginning of a happy relationship.
Call every few days
If you don’t live with them, call his parents often! Find out how they are doing, and whether they need your help running errands. It would be a good idea to note down birthdays and you are not allowed to forget them! His folks will really appreciate how much you care.
Spend evenings together
Try and spend some special occasions - birthdays, anniversaries, Diwali, other festivals - with your in-laws and extended family, instead of vacationing with the husband. But also remember that having casual lunches and dinners together will be just as appreciated! Learning about his family will also make you feel part of it.
Spoil the kids
Does he have nephews or nieces? Play with, cuddle and pamper them. Getting along with the kids will endear you to everyone!
Volunteer
If his grandmother’s not well, volunteer to spend the day/afternoon with her. Take her to the doctor, for medical tests, or simply sit and chat with her.
Volunteer to do chores if your mother-in-law is busy; invite your father-in-law home for meals if she’s out of town.
A little effort is all it takes to stay appropriately connected with his family and what you’ll get back in return will be truly invaluable!
If you’ve just gotten married, it’s very likely that you won’t know your husband’s family very well. And it makes you nervous, because suddenly you’re living with a houseful of strangers.
To settle in with the family, it’s worth it to make that extra effort and connect with them. Not only will it help you make friends with his parents, but it will also do a world of good for your relationship.
If you’ve been married a while, but don’t live with your in-laws your husband will all the more appreciate the fact that you’re making an effort to keep his parents happy. So, why not try these tips:
Take his mom out
If his mom wants to go shopping and there’s nobody to take her, why don’t you drive her and spend a day shopping with her? She’ll appreciate the gesture. You can bond over clothes and shoes - or vegetables and spices. Who knows, if your tastes match, it could be the beginning of a happy relationship.
Call every few days
If you don’t live with them, call his parents often! Find out how they are doing, and whether they need your help running errands. It would be a good idea to note down birthdays and you are not allowed to forget them! His folks will really appreciate how much you care.
Spend evenings together
Try and spend some special occasions - birthdays, anniversaries, Diwali, other festivals - with your in-laws and extended family, instead of vacationing with the husband. But also remember that having casual lunches and dinners together will be just as appreciated! Learning about his family will also make you feel part of it.
Spoil the kids
Does he have nephews or nieces? Play with, cuddle and pamper them. Getting along with the kids will endear you to everyone!
Volunteer
If his grandmother’s not well, volunteer to spend the day/afternoon with her. Take her to the doctor, for medical tests, or simply sit and chat with her.
Volunteer to do chores if your mother-in-law is busy; invite your father-in-law home for meals if she’s out of town.
A little effort is all it takes to stay appropriately connected with his family and what you’ll get back in return will be truly invaluable!
Tuesday, March 9, 2010
The blue Jakal
Once upon a time there lived a jackal who strayed into a city in search of food. He was hungry and was being chased by a group of dogs. He accidentally entered the house of a dyer and fell into a vat of indigo(blue), and was stained blue from head to toe. When he escaped from the house back into the forest, all animals were surprised at his appearance and could not place its identity. Taking advantage of the situation, the jackal decided to play the situation to his advantage. He proclaimed that he was Fierce Owl, sent by the king of Gods, Indra, to earth to gaurd the forest.
The gullible animals believed the jackal. The jackal then appointed the Lion as his Prime minister, tiger as his gaurdian of the bed chamber and the elephant was made the door keeper. He then drove all the jackals out of sight from the forest for fear of being recognized. The animals would hunt food and bring it to the self proclaimed king and the king would distribute the food to all equally just as a king would do. So he was leading a life of luxury.
One day a herd of jackals were passing by howling to their glory. Unable to control his natural instinct, FierceOwl showed his natural voice and howled at the top of his voice. Hearing this howl, the animals realised that they had been fooled by a jackal and killed the jackal instantly.
MORAL: Excess of Greed is harmful.
The gullible animals believed the jackal. The jackal then appointed the Lion as his Prime minister, tiger as his gaurdian of the bed chamber and the elephant was made the door keeper. He then drove all the jackals out of sight from the forest for fear of being recognized. The animals would hunt food and bring it to the self proclaimed king and the king would distribute the food to all equally just as a king would do. So he was leading a life of luxury.
One day a herd of jackals were passing by howling to their glory. Unable to control his natural instinct, FierceOwl showed his natural voice and howled at the top of his voice. Hearing this howl, the animals realised that they had been fooled by a jackal and killed the jackal instantly.
MORAL: Excess of Greed is harmful.
How to be a good Husband
Be a team player. When you were single, you could focus on your needs entirely. Now that you’re in a partnership, that just isn’t going to work. Sometimes you have to think about the family and the marriage before you think about yourself.
Remember that a marriage is a complicated thing. Being a good husband spans a lot of territory. Sure, you need to support your family financially and raise your children with love and concern. These are two of the givens of being a good husband. But these aren’t the only duties of being a good husband.
When you talk about the interpersonal dynamics of a man/wife relationship, a lot of these dynamics involve how we communicate with one another. We send both intentional and unintentional signals to our spouse through our interpersonal communications. So a large part of being a good husband in this context is showing we are a part of the team, supporting our teammate while communicating when we need support in our turn.
In sports parlance, it’s called “being a good teammate” or “being a good locker room presence”.
1. Be Her Sounding Board
When your wife tells you her problems, she isn’t necessarily looking for a problem solver. She wants someone to listen to her and empathize with what’s going on in her life.
A husband who hears about his wife’s problems instinctively wants to come to the rescue. But most of the time, this isn’t what your wife is looking for. You need to fill the role more of a psychologist than that of a troubleshooter. Listen to her problems; show concern for those problems; show that you have empathy; but don’t always reply with “here’s what you need to do.”
When your wife comes to you with her problems, she isn’t looking for you to be her lawyer. And she certainly doesn’t need you to be her football coach, giving her fiery motivational speeches about how to beat her problem. She wants a counsellor, to listen to her problems and help her deal with their emotional impact.
2. Show Respect
A good exercise for every husband is to try to show your wife respect. This dovetails with my previous point, but goes beyond that specific situation.
A major part of showing respect is to avoid the trap of being hyper-critical. Don’t criticize the way your wife dresses, cooks meals, parks the car or walks the dog. You might think you are instructing your wife, but you are actually showing disrespect for the decisions you make.
Actions are just as important as words. Don’t make decisions that normally a married couple makes together. This shows you have no respect for her opinion.
Also, try to avoid certain intonations with your wife, the kind that can be described as “talking down” to her. A woman can pick up on these as well or better than a man can. These tell her you have contempt for whatever is she’s doing, that you are treating her like a child or even your pet. Showing a lack of respect is one of the surest ways to poison a marriage.
3. Avoid Judgment
When you live with someone every day, it’s hard not to build up resentments and overanalyze your partner’s every move. But no one is going to stand up to that level of scrutiny. Try not to sweat the little stuff, because it has a way of becoming big rather quickly. If you judge every action or opinion your wife has, that’s going to come through in your words and actions.
Your wife is different from you. Of course she isn’t going to perceive things the way you do. She’s had different life experiences than you, not the least of which is the general experience of living life as a woman. She won’t always like what you like. She won’t behave like a man does. Apart from sexual needs and having children, that’s one of the reasons men get into a relationship. We feel the need for a woman’s companionship.
4. Don’t Bring Your Own Issues Into the Marriage
As I mentioned earlier, being in a marriage is being part of a team. This means you sometimes have to put your wants or needs second to those of the team.
All of us have emotional baggage. When we marry, we bring that emotional baggage into the marriage. But when your wife comes to you for support, that isn’t the time to open up that emotional baggage. There are times when you can unload this stuff on your wife, but not when she needs your support.
It’s common for a man to internalize all her problems and make them our own. But if you do this, you are losing sight of why she confided in you in the first place. Don’t be selfish when you are supposed to be supportive. I mean, all of us tend to process information through our own filter. But that doesn’t mean our opinions are always useful to the problem.
5. Know When to Make it About You
Of course, it can’t always be about her or the marriage. There are times when your needs should be met. That’s the definition of a give-and-take partnership, which is what a marriage should be about.
Tell her how you feel, but don’t put her in a defensive position. This means you describe to her how something she does affects you without making your feelings accusatory. When you talk about issues in your marriage, tell her about how it affects you instead of what it is about her that bothers you. Good communication is one of the keys of a healthy marriage; good communication requires you to tell her how you are affected.
If your wife does something that hurts you, tell her exactly that you are hurt. Don’t focus on her actions, but on the consequences of those actions. If you simply accuse her of undermining you or being insensitive, it automatically puts her on the defensive. When she’s defensive about her actions, good communication becomes all but impossible.
6. Be Affectionate
I know guys don’t like being cuddly. Being affectionate after sex takes time and it doesn’t make us feel manly, but women need affection sometimes. If you only give them that stuff to get to bed, your wife is going to notice and think it’s insincere.
Of course, this goes beyond the bedroom. If you show your wife spontaneous affection occasionally, it reassures her of the love bond.
7. Be Willing to Get Outside Help
There’s the common joke about men refusing to ask for directions. Men throughout history have needed to be self-sufficient. That’s one of the characteristics which make men successful. When we were out in the wilderness hunting for food, we couldn’t stop at the convenience store to ask where the herd was.
That being said, self-reliance can only take us so far. A smart man has to realise when he can’t do it all himself. One of those cases is the man whose marriage is in trouble. It’s very standard for a man to refuse to go to a marriage counselor.
A man would prefer to buy a map than ask for directions. In the same way, he would rather read how-to guides on how to save his marriage than ask for professional help. In a lot of cases, getting good advice is enough. Modifying our attitudes and the subsequent behaviors those attitudes cause can have profound effects on a failing marriage. But sometimes the problems run deeper. That’s when a man has to give into his wife’s request that they speak to a counselor.
Professional marriage counselors help to reinforce the points I’ve made above. They are instructors in how to listen, how to show respect, how to avoid judgment, how to be a part of the team, how to express our feelings and how to be more affectionate. In short, when a man finds that his best efforts to improve his marriage skills fail, he needs a trained instructor to work on those skills.
Remember that a marriage is a complicated thing. Being a good husband spans a lot of territory. Sure, you need to support your family financially and raise your children with love and concern. These are two of the givens of being a good husband. But these aren’t the only duties of being a good husband.
When you talk about the interpersonal dynamics of a man/wife relationship, a lot of these dynamics involve how we communicate with one another. We send both intentional and unintentional signals to our spouse through our interpersonal communications. So a large part of being a good husband in this context is showing we are a part of the team, supporting our teammate while communicating when we need support in our turn.
In sports parlance, it’s called “being a good teammate” or “being a good locker room presence”.
1. Be Her Sounding Board
When your wife tells you her problems, she isn’t necessarily looking for a problem solver. She wants someone to listen to her and empathize with what’s going on in her life.
A husband who hears about his wife’s problems instinctively wants to come to the rescue. But most of the time, this isn’t what your wife is looking for. You need to fill the role more of a psychologist than that of a troubleshooter. Listen to her problems; show concern for those problems; show that you have empathy; but don’t always reply with “here’s what you need to do.”
When your wife comes to you with her problems, she isn’t looking for you to be her lawyer. And she certainly doesn’t need you to be her football coach, giving her fiery motivational speeches about how to beat her problem. She wants a counsellor, to listen to her problems and help her deal with their emotional impact.
2. Show Respect
A good exercise for every husband is to try to show your wife respect. This dovetails with my previous point, but goes beyond that specific situation.
A major part of showing respect is to avoid the trap of being hyper-critical. Don’t criticize the way your wife dresses, cooks meals, parks the car or walks the dog. You might think you are instructing your wife, but you are actually showing disrespect for the decisions you make.
Actions are just as important as words. Don’t make decisions that normally a married couple makes together. This shows you have no respect for her opinion.
Also, try to avoid certain intonations with your wife, the kind that can be described as “talking down” to her. A woman can pick up on these as well or better than a man can. These tell her you have contempt for whatever is she’s doing, that you are treating her like a child or even your pet. Showing a lack of respect is one of the surest ways to poison a marriage.
3. Avoid Judgment
When you live with someone every day, it’s hard not to build up resentments and overanalyze your partner’s every move. But no one is going to stand up to that level of scrutiny. Try not to sweat the little stuff, because it has a way of becoming big rather quickly. If you judge every action or opinion your wife has, that’s going to come through in your words and actions.
Your wife is different from you. Of course she isn’t going to perceive things the way you do. She’s had different life experiences than you, not the least of which is the general experience of living life as a woman. She won’t always like what you like. She won’t behave like a man does. Apart from sexual needs and having children, that’s one of the reasons men get into a relationship. We feel the need for a woman’s companionship.
4. Don’t Bring Your Own Issues Into the Marriage
As I mentioned earlier, being in a marriage is being part of a team. This means you sometimes have to put your wants or needs second to those of the team.
All of us have emotional baggage. When we marry, we bring that emotional baggage into the marriage. But when your wife comes to you for support, that isn’t the time to open up that emotional baggage. There are times when you can unload this stuff on your wife, but not when she needs your support.
It’s common for a man to internalize all her problems and make them our own. But if you do this, you are losing sight of why she confided in you in the first place. Don’t be selfish when you are supposed to be supportive. I mean, all of us tend to process information through our own filter. But that doesn’t mean our opinions are always useful to the problem.
5. Know When to Make it About You
Of course, it can’t always be about her or the marriage. There are times when your needs should be met. That’s the definition of a give-and-take partnership, which is what a marriage should be about.
Tell her how you feel, but don’t put her in a defensive position. This means you describe to her how something she does affects you without making your feelings accusatory. When you talk about issues in your marriage, tell her about how it affects you instead of what it is about her that bothers you. Good communication is one of the keys of a healthy marriage; good communication requires you to tell her how you are affected.
If your wife does something that hurts you, tell her exactly that you are hurt. Don’t focus on her actions, but on the consequences of those actions. If you simply accuse her of undermining you or being insensitive, it automatically puts her on the defensive. When she’s defensive about her actions, good communication becomes all but impossible.
6. Be Affectionate
I know guys don’t like being cuddly. Being affectionate after sex takes time and it doesn’t make us feel manly, but women need affection sometimes. If you only give them that stuff to get to bed, your wife is going to notice and think it’s insincere.
Of course, this goes beyond the bedroom. If you show your wife spontaneous affection occasionally, it reassures her of the love bond.
7. Be Willing to Get Outside Help
There’s the common joke about men refusing to ask for directions. Men throughout history have needed to be self-sufficient. That’s one of the characteristics which make men successful. When we were out in the wilderness hunting for food, we couldn’t stop at the convenience store to ask where the herd was.
That being said, self-reliance can only take us so far. A smart man has to realise when he can’t do it all himself. One of those cases is the man whose marriage is in trouble. It’s very standard for a man to refuse to go to a marriage counselor.
A man would prefer to buy a map than ask for directions. In the same way, he would rather read how-to guides on how to save his marriage than ask for professional help. In a lot of cases, getting good advice is enough. Modifying our attitudes and the subsequent behaviors those attitudes cause can have profound effects on a failing marriage. But sometimes the problems run deeper. That’s when a man has to give into his wife’s request that they speak to a counselor.
Professional marriage counselors help to reinforce the points I’ve made above. They are instructors in how to listen, how to show respect, how to avoid judgment, how to be a part of the team, how to express our feelings and how to be more affectionate. In short, when a man finds that his best efforts to improve his marriage skills fail, he needs a trained instructor to work on those skills.
Monday, March 8, 2010
Husband and wife relationship
The wife husband relationship can be a complicated one. Many marriages fail because one or both partners dont really understand the dynamic of the relationship . If even one person has a basic understanding of it, the marriage is bound to be stronger. But if both people understand how a wife husband relationship works, then it has the best chance of being a good marriage.
One of the keys to understanding the wife husband relationship is to realize just how different men and women really are. Aside from the obvious physical differences, the sexes are different emotionally and mentally, too.
When faced with a problem, for instance, men and women tend to approach it from completely different angles. Women are more likely to discuss it with other people. They might get advice and input from a few friends. Its not uncommon for women to talk about the problem at length.
Thats because women solve problems when they talk about them. They explore all the angles of the issue and how they feel about it, and often in doing so a solution appears.
Men, on the other hand, tend to be more tight-lipped about problems. They think about it more than they talk about it. Its more common for a man to ponder a problem and say little until hes figured out the solution.
In the wife husband relationship this difference in problem solving can itself be a problem. He might think that shes talking it to death when she should be trying to figure it out herself. And she might think hes not even worried about something because hes not talking about it .When in reality, its on his mind all the time and hes just not pointing it out.
Women also have the tendency of not discussing the real issue. They simply want to find someone to express their feelings and thoughts. Or in shorter terms, they only want an emotional outlet. When a man discusses it with somebody, he is already referring the problem to find the solution.
Women can take some feelings off them by just being together with friends and sharing their problems to them. Her friends may not tell her what to do but can still support her by being sympathetic.
When a man states his opinion it is natural that his words are short and direct. A woman wants to bring about a conversation to discuss things and may think that her husband is just saying things to end their conversation.
Of course, not every wife husband relationship will happen exactly like these examples. Some men will talk out a problem and some women will be tight-lipped about it. But in general, the sexes can be expected to follow these typically patterns.
Understanding those patterns can help you stop yourself before you do something thats natural to you. You can think about what your partner needs from you instead, and do that .Your wife husband relationship will be much stronger and happier because of it.
may lord vishnu bless all couples.
One of the keys to understanding the wife husband relationship is to realize just how different men and women really are. Aside from the obvious physical differences, the sexes are different emotionally and mentally, too.
When faced with a problem, for instance, men and women tend to approach it from completely different angles. Women are more likely to discuss it with other people. They might get advice and input from a few friends. Its not uncommon for women to talk about the problem at length.
Thats because women solve problems when they talk about them. They explore all the angles of the issue and how they feel about it, and often in doing so a solution appears.
Men, on the other hand, tend to be more tight-lipped about problems. They think about it more than they talk about it. Its more common for a man to ponder a problem and say little until hes figured out the solution.
In the wife husband relationship this difference in problem solving can itself be a problem. He might think that shes talking it to death when she should be trying to figure it out herself. And she might think hes not even worried about something because hes not talking about it .When in reality, its on his mind all the time and hes just not pointing it out.
Women also have the tendency of not discussing the real issue. They simply want to find someone to express their feelings and thoughts. Or in shorter terms, they only want an emotional outlet. When a man discusses it with somebody, he is already referring the problem to find the solution.
Women can take some feelings off them by just being together with friends and sharing their problems to them. Her friends may not tell her what to do but can still support her by being sympathetic.
When a man states his opinion it is natural that his words are short and direct. A woman wants to bring about a conversation to discuss things and may think that her husband is just saying things to end their conversation.
Of course, not every wife husband relationship will happen exactly like these examples. Some men will talk out a problem and some women will be tight-lipped about it. But in general, the sexes can be expected to follow these typically patterns.
Understanding those patterns can help you stop yourself before you do something thats natural to you. You can think about what your partner needs from you instead, and do that .Your wife husband relationship will be much stronger and happier because of it.
may lord vishnu bless all couples.
Sunday, March 7, 2010
The Foolish Lion and the clever rabbit
Once upon a time there lived a ferocious lion in the forest. It was a greedy lion and started killing animals in the forest indiscriminately. Seeing this, the animals gathered and decided to approach the lion with the offer of one animal of each species volunteering itself to be eaten by the lion everyday. So every day it was the turn of one of the animals and in the end came the rabbits' turn. The rabbits chose a old rabbit among them. The rabbit was wise and old. It took its own sweet time to go to the Lion. The Lion was getting impatient on not seeing any animal come by and swore to kill all animals the next day.
The rabbit then strode along to the Lion by sunset. The Lion was angry at him. But the wise rabbit was calm and slowly told the Lion that it was not his fault. He told the Lion that a group of rabbits were coming to him for the day when on the way, an angry Lion attacked them all and ate all rabbits but himself. Somehow he escaped to reach safely, the rabbit said. He said that the other Lion was challenging the supremacy of his Lordship the Lion. The Lion was naturally very enraged and asked to be taken to the location of the other Lion.
The wise rabbit agreed and led the Lion towards a deep well filled with water. Then he showed the Lion his reflection in the water of the well. The Lion was furious and started growling and naturally its image in the water, the other Lion, was also equally angry. Then the Lion jumped into the water at the other Lion to attack it, and so lost its life in the well. Thus the wise rabbit saved the forest and its inhabitants from the proud Lion.
MORAL: Wit is superior to brute force.
The rabbit then strode along to the Lion by sunset. The Lion was angry at him. But the wise rabbit was calm and slowly told the Lion that it was not his fault. He told the Lion that a group of rabbits were coming to him for the day when on the way, an angry Lion attacked them all and ate all rabbits but himself. Somehow he escaped to reach safely, the rabbit said. He said that the other Lion was challenging the supremacy of his Lordship the Lion. The Lion was naturally very enraged and asked to be taken to the location of the other Lion.
The wise rabbit agreed and led the Lion towards a deep well filled with water. Then he showed the Lion his reflection in the water of the well. The Lion was furious and started growling and naturally its image in the water, the other Lion, was also equally angry. Then the Lion jumped into the water at the other Lion to attack it, and so lost its life in the well. Thus the wise rabbit saved the forest and its inhabitants from the proud Lion.
MORAL: Wit is superior to brute force.
A Friend in need...
Once upon a time there lived four friends in a forest. They were very different from each other; yet, they were best friends and always came to each other's aid when required. The friends were: a mouse, a crow, a deer, and a tortoise. This is a story of how these friends, who ordinarily would have been natural enemies helped each other against their biggest enemy - Man, who was a hunter.
One-day, the mouse, crow, and deer were gossiping under a tree. They suddenly heard a scream. It was their friend, the tortoise! He was trapped in a hunter's net.
"Uh oh!" exclaimed the deer fearfully, "what do we do now?"
"Do not despair" said the mouse, "I have a plan" and the tree friends huddled together and decided on their plan of action.
The deer ran towards the hunter who was close to the tortoise caught in the net. He reached their without the knowledge of the hunter, and lay down in his path as though dead. The crow flew towards the deer and acted as though he were pecking at the deer. The hunter picked up the net and started walking home, when he suddenly laid eyes on the wondrous sight of a dead deer. "Hey, here is a deer, all ready for me" He thought and put down his net and walked towards the deer. The crow continued circling the deer, and flapping his wings furiously whenever the hunter tried to push him away. In the meantime, the mouse hopped to the tortoise and started chewing the threads of the net. As the crow kept the hunter at bay, the mouse freed the tortoise. As soon as the crow saw that the tortoise was free, he let out a loud caw and flew away. The deer suddenly got up and ran! The hunter stood stunned and decided to go back to the tortoise, only to see that his net was torn, and the tortoise had escaped. "If only I hadn't been so greedy" he thought.
The four friends met again under the tree, and could not stop laughing at the trick that they had played on the hunter. Oh! What good friends they were, always their for each other!
One-day, the mouse, crow, and deer were gossiping under a tree. They suddenly heard a scream. It was their friend, the tortoise! He was trapped in a hunter's net.
"Uh oh!" exclaimed the deer fearfully, "what do we do now?"
"Do not despair" said the mouse, "I have a plan" and the tree friends huddled together and decided on their plan of action.
The deer ran towards the hunter who was close to the tortoise caught in the net. He reached their without the knowledge of the hunter, and lay down in his path as though dead. The crow flew towards the deer and acted as though he were pecking at the deer. The hunter picked up the net and started walking home, when he suddenly laid eyes on the wondrous sight of a dead deer. "Hey, here is a deer, all ready for me" He thought and put down his net and walked towards the deer. The crow continued circling the deer, and flapping his wings furiously whenever the hunter tried to push him away. In the meantime, the mouse hopped to the tortoise and started chewing the threads of the net. As the crow kept the hunter at bay, the mouse freed the tortoise. As soon as the crow saw that the tortoise was free, he let out a loud caw and flew away. The deer suddenly got up and ran! The hunter stood stunned and decided to go back to the tortoise, only to see that his net was torn, and the tortoise had escaped. "If only I hadn't been so greedy" he thought.
The four friends met again under the tree, and could not stop laughing at the trick that they had played on the hunter. Oh! What good friends they were, always their for each other!
Saturday, March 6, 2010
Tirupathi
Tirupati is one of the most famous pilgrimage centers for Hindus. It is visited by thousands of pilgrims each day throughout the year. It is located on the Eastern Ghats in Andhra Pradesh on a range called the Seven Hills. The deity in Tirupati is also known as Balaji, Srinivasa, or the Lord of Seven hills. He has a dark complexion with four hands. He holds a discus (a symbol of power) and a conch s hell (a symbol of existence) in the upper hands. The lower hand is extended for blessing his devotees who surrender to him in faith. The image of Lord Venkateswara has the attributes of both Vishnu and Shiva.You can have darshan of the icon the Balaji in its original form without any alankaram (decorations) on Friday. The day starts with the suprabhatam and ends with the ekanta seva.The devotees offer cash, jewelry and gold in fulfillment of their vows. Many devotees who visit Tirupati offer their hair to the lord as a symbolic sacrifice of their ego.
Tirupati town is 67 km from Chittoor in Andra Pradesh. Tirupati Tirumala Devasthanams an autonomous body have dedicated themselves to serve the devotees who visit the temple
History of the temple
As per the legends from puranas, Sage Bighu went to Kailasa to find who was the most powerful god among the Trimurthi's. During the course Trimurthi's did not acknowledge the presence the sage Bighu in heaven. This made the sage angry and he kicked Lord Vishnu in the chest. Though Lord Vishnu pacified the sage, Goddess Lakshmi could not tolerate the insult and left heaven. Unable to bear the solitude, Lord Vishnu came down to earth in search of Goddess Lakshmi. He wandered across hills and woods until he came across the beautiful Seshachala hills, now called the Tirumala hills. Finding the place peaceful and serene, he settled down in an anthill and has been worshiped there, ever since as Lord Venkateswara.
The white spot on the chin of the Lord Balaji is "Pacha Karpuram"(camphor balming), the legend behind this is that a disciple of Sri Ramanuja, Sri Ananthazhwar was incharge of garden maintenance. Once the disciple was digging the earth, assisted by his pregnant wife. She got tired and was taking rest. The Lord Balaji took disguise of a child and to help the disciple in place of his wife. But this irritated the disciple and he hit him with a spade on the childs chin. Later when Ananthazhwar went to the Temple to worship, he found the Lord bleeding on his chin. Suddenly he realised his mistake and apologised to the Lord and applied Pacha Karpuram with love.
Brahmotsavam
The Brahmotsavam or annual festival is celebrated for nine days during the month of September -October when the sun enters Kanya Rasi from Aswayuja Shuddha Padyami to. Aswayuja Shuddha Dasami. This utsavam is said to have first celebrated by Brahma himself; hence the name. This is one of the important festivals of the temple and the entire hill is decorated magnificently with colourful lights. The grand festival begins with a Dwajarohanam (a flag with a picture of Garuda) by the highest priest of the temple opposite to the sanctum sanctorum.
Every morning and evening the icon of Balaji is taken round the temple in colourful procession on different Chariots (Vahanams) decorated with flowers and glittering ornaments. The important sevas are the Garudotsavam (Garuda seva) on the fifth day which is popular among his devotees. On that day, the lord is decorated with precious ornaments of his choice and other important seva is the Rathotsavam or Car Festival on the eighth day where the deities would be seated in an exquisitely carved huge wooden chariot and taken round the temple in procession by ardent devotees.
Other places of visit near Tirupathi are Kalahasti an ancient temple of Lord Shiva situated on the banks of river Swarnamukhi, Sri Padmavathi Devalayam, Sri Kalyana Venkateshwara temple and many more.
http://www.tirumala.org/maintemple_main.htm
Tirupati town is 67 km from Chittoor in Andra Pradesh. Tirupati Tirumala Devasthanams an autonomous body have dedicated themselves to serve the devotees who visit the temple
History of the temple
As per the legends from puranas, Sage Bighu went to Kailasa to find who was the most powerful god among the Trimurthi's. During the course Trimurthi's did not acknowledge the presence the sage Bighu in heaven. This made the sage angry and he kicked Lord Vishnu in the chest. Though Lord Vishnu pacified the sage, Goddess Lakshmi could not tolerate the insult and left heaven. Unable to bear the solitude, Lord Vishnu came down to earth in search of Goddess Lakshmi. He wandered across hills and woods until he came across the beautiful Seshachala hills, now called the Tirumala hills. Finding the place peaceful and serene, he settled down in an anthill and has been worshiped there, ever since as Lord Venkateswara.
The white spot on the chin of the Lord Balaji is "Pacha Karpuram"(camphor balming), the legend behind this is that a disciple of Sri Ramanuja, Sri Ananthazhwar was incharge of garden maintenance. Once the disciple was digging the earth, assisted by his pregnant wife. She got tired and was taking rest. The Lord Balaji took disguise of a child and to help the disciple in place of his wife. But this irritated the disciple and he hit him with a spade on the childs chin. Later when Ananthazhwar went to the Temple to worship, he found the Lord bleeding on his chin. Suddenly he realised his mistake and apologised to the Lord and applied Pacha Karpuram with love.
Brahmotsavam
The Brahmotsavam or annual festival is celebrated for nine days during the month of September -October when the sun enters Kanya Rasi from Aswayuja Shuddha Padyami to. Aswayuja Shuddha Dasami. This utsavam is said to have first celebrated by Brahma himself; hence the name. This is one of the important festivals of the temple and the entire hill is decorated magnificently with colourful lights. The grand festival begins with a Dwajarohanam (a flag with a picture of Garuda) by the highest priest of the temple opposite to the sanctum sanctorum.
Every morning and evening the icon of Balaji is taken round the temple in colourful procession on different Chariots (Vahanams) decorated with flowers and glittering ornaments. The important sevas are the Garudotsavam (Garuda seva) on the fifth day which is popular among his devotees. On that day, the lord is decorated with precious ornaments of his choice and other important seva is the Rathotsavam or Car Festival on the eighth day where the deities would be seated in an exquisitely carved huge wooden chariot and taken round the temple in procession by ardent devotees.
Other places of visit near Tirupathi are Kalahasti an ancient temple of Lord Shiva situated on the banks of river Swarnamukhi, Sri Padmavathi Devalayam, Sri Kalyana Venkateshwara temple and many more.
http://www.tirumala.org/maintemple_main.htm
Friday, March 5, 2010
The day dreaming Priest
Once upon a time there lived a priest who was extremely lazy and poor at the same time. He did not want to do any hard work but used to dream of being rich one day. He got his food by begging for alms. One morning he got a pot of milk as part of the alms. He was extremely delighted and went home with the pot of milk. He boiled the milk, drank some of it and put the remaining milk in a pot. He added slight curds in the pot for converting the milk to curd. He then lay down to rest.
He was extremely delighted at the pot of milk he found and started dreaming about the pot of curd while he lay asleep. He dreamt that if he could become rich somehow all his miseries would be gone. His thoughts turned to the pot of milk he had set to form curd. He dreamt on : "By morning the pot of milk would set, it would be converted to curd. I would churn the curd and make butter from it. I would heat the butter and make ghee out of it. I will go to that market and sell that ghee, and make some money. With that money i will buy a hen. The hen will lay may eggs which will hatch and there will be many more hens and cocks. These cocks and hen will in turn lay hundreds of eggs and I will soon have a poultry farm of my own." He kept on imagining.
"I will sell all the hens of my poultry and buy some cows, and open a milk dairy. All the town people will buy milk from me. I will be very rich and soon I shall buy jewellery. The king will buy all the jewellery from me. I will be so rich that I will be able to marry an exceptionally beautiful girl from a rich family. Soon I will have a handsome son. If he does any mischief I will be very angry and to teach him a lesson, I will hit him with a big stick." During this dream, he involuntarily picked up the stick next to his bed and thinking that he was beating his son, raised the stick and hit the pot. The pot of milk broke and he awoke from his sleep. Only then did he realise he was daydreaming.
MORAL: There is no substitute for hard work. Dreams cannot be fulfilled without hard work.
He was extremely delighted at the pot of milk he found and started dreaming about the pot of curd while he lay asleep. He dreamt that if he could become rich somehow all his miseries would be gone. His thoughts turned to the pot of milk he had set to form curd. He dreamt on : "By morning the pot of milk would set, it would be converted to curd. I would churn the curd and make butter from it. I would heat the butter and make ghee out of it. I will go to that market and sell that ghee, and make some money. With that money i will buy a hen. The hen will lay may eggs which will hatch and there will be many more hens and cocks. These cocks and hen will in turn lay hundreds of eggs and I will soon have a poultry farm of my own." He kept on imagining.
"I will sell all the hens of my poultry and buy some cows, and open a milk dairy. All the town people will buy milk from me. I will be very rich and soon I shall buy jewellery. The king will buy all the jewellery from me. I will be so rich that I will be able to marry an exceptionally beautiful girl from a rich family. Soon I will have a handsome son. If he does any mischief I will be very angry and to teach him a lesson, I will hit him with a big stick." During this dream, he involuntarily picked up the stick next to his bed and thinking that he was beating his son, raised the stick and hit the pot. The pot of milk broke and he awoke from his sleep. Only then did he realise he was daydreaming.
MORAL: There is no substitute for hard work. Dreams cannot be fulfilled without hard work.
Thursday, March 4, 2010
Postcard and sms
Hello Friends,
In olden days people used to write post cards to convey a message and used to wait for return message to come. the person who received card used to read it once or twice to understand what info is needed and then used to write. In some cases emotions were reduced due to time interval between these things. But in todays world people send an SMS and expect a reply to come next second. Emotions are heated up if the other person doesnot respond in next second. They go to the extent that they can damage family relationships too. Please make it a habit of not to expect immediate reply so that emotions can be controlled.
May vishnu bless us all with happy life.
In olden days people used to write post cards to convey a message and used to wait for return message to come. the person who received card used to read it once or twice to understand what info is needed and then used to write. In some cases emotions were reduced due to time interval between these things. But in todays world people send an SMS and expect a reply to come next second. Emotions are heated up if the other person doesnot respond in next second. They go to the extent that they can damage family relationships too. Please make it a habit of not to expect immediate reply so that emotions can be controlled.
May vishnu bless us all with happy life.
Wednesday, March 3, 2010
I miss a man in the house.
Hello friends,
http://epaper2.mid-day.com/showtext.aspx?boxid=63731420&parentid=94681&issuedate=03032010&edd123=mumbai
Good one.
May vishnu bless all a safe and peaceful life.
http://epaper2.mid-day.com/showtext.aspx?boxid=63731420&parentid=94681&issuedate=03032010&edd123=mumbai
Good one.
May vishnu bless all a safe and peaceful life.
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