Today's office the seat next to me was tough. I always say to female friends on bindi and its importance.
The Religious Significance of the Bindi
Since the bindi is placed between the eyebrows, it does correspond to where you will find the sixth chakra. Within the Hindu culture, this is believed to be the location where concealed wisdom is found. When adhering to Tantric practices, it is this chakra that is thought to be where kundalini energy flows. The bindi is said to ensure an increased level of concentration and energy retaining is achieved. When wearing a bindi, it is believed that there is no loss in energy. It is also viewed as spiritual protection, as well as considered lucky against harm or demons.
http://www.unexplainable.net/artman/publish/article_5127.shtml
May people after reading this take their own path.
Leg Rings.
Every culture is unique on its own way. Indian culture is also one among them. Although it has old and richest culture, even today we persuade the rites and rituals. Its instinct that women decorate themselves with jewels to glorify. Apart from adorning them, they got in-depth reasons to wear. Olden days, women used to walk on the street heading downwards, so it gave them constant remembrance that they should not derail from the family path.
On the other chance, when men happened to sight toe rings in her leg, it made his mind to kill the lust on her. In great Indian epic called 'Ramayana' toe ring plays a vital role. When Seethe was abducted by Ravana, on the way, she throwed her toe ring (kaniazhi) as the identification for lord Rama.This shows that metti is used from ancient time .
There's a common belief that clashing sound of toe rings chase away evil spirit and brings wellness for the family members. It's made of silver. Though gold is valuable and expensive than silver, gold ornaments are not used under waist as it has been considered as 'pure metal' for ages.
When we go medical insight in wearing toe ring is that it regularizes the menstrual cycle of married women. Particular nerve from the second toe connects uteruses and passes thru heart. While walking, friction is caused on this nerve and gives energy to reproductive organs. Silver energy is also good conductor of polar energy. It absorbs energy from the earth it passes to body and refreshes the system.
http://www.helium.com/items/1094177-the-significance-of-toe-rings-in-indian-culture
May lord vishnu bless them all.
Thursday, January 28, 2010
Changing patterns.
Hello friends,
Back with you to share few things. As usual today morning went to office and opened rediff.com to see if some news is there. I found this article url in the news.
http://movies.rediff.com/slide-show/2010/jan/27/slide-show-1-look-at-the-brides-for-rahul-mahajan.htm
I said good. Changing times. He was postered as a person who had drugs taken in overdose and his fathers secretary died because of overdosage of drugs etc. Then marriage broke unfortunately with his pilot lover who was with him for almost 10 years as a friend but then marriage broke with remarks he bet me, abused me etc etc. Today he is the hot cake again with girls wanting to marry him putting lot of things like career, money etc etc at stake.
Its not long back that rakhi swayamvar has happened and the result is known on her website.
http://rakhi-sawant.com/430/elesh-parunjanwala-is-not-my-man-says-rakhi-sawant/
Then comes the lavish engagement of Tennis Star Sania Mirza with her childhood friend.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ye-d2inkiho&feature=related
Hardly anytime the news broke today
http://www.ndtv.com/news/sports/sania_mirza_calls_off_engagement.php
Changing india. careers and professions dominate.
http://www.infocera.com/Mahesh_Bhupathi_blamed_for_Sania_Mirza_engagement_break_up_7703.htm
What can anybody say.
Let us look at it positively. People have started valuing their lives. Good for country. What more can anybody say. Effects of these things on society will not be known immediate, but who has time for tomorrow. We need immediate results. When it comes to pay let somebody else pay.
Everybody has his own way of life.
Personally I feel this is not a good trend. But today movies show breakup parties and people feel it is good and say what is wrong in that.
I think it is better i live with my values which prefer a greater bondage over these.
May lord vishnu bless all in what ever they do.
Back with you to share few things. As usual today morning went to office and opened rediff.com to see if some news is there. I found this article url in the news.
http://movies.rediff.com/slide-show/2010/jan/27/slide-show-1-look-at-the-brides-for-rahul-mahajan.htm
I said good. Changing times. He was postered as a person who had drugs taken in overdose and his fathers secretary died because of overdosage of drugs etc. Then marriage broke unfortunately with his pilot lover who was with him for almost 10 years as a friend but then marriage broke with remarks he bet me, abused me etc etc. Today he is the hot cake again with girls wanting to marry him putting lot of things like career, money etc etc at stake.
Its not long back that rakhi swayamvar has happened and the result is known on her website.
http://rakhi-sawant.com/430/elesh-parunjanwala-is-not-my-man-says-rakhi-sawant/
Then comes the lavish engagement of Tennis Star Sania Mirza with her childhood friend.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ye-d2inkiho&feature=related
Hardly anytime the news broke today
http://www.ndtv.com/news/sports/sania_mirza_calls_off_engagement.php
Changing india. careers and professions dominate.
http://www.infocera.com/Mahesh_Bhupathi_blamed_for_Sania_Mirza_engagement_break_up_7703.htm
What can anybody say.
Let us look at it positively. People have started valuing their lives. Good for country. What more can anybody say. Effects of these things on society will not be known immediate, but who has time for tomorrow. We need immediate results. When it comes to pay let somebody else pay.
Everybody has his own way of life.
Personally I feel this is not a good trend. But today movies show breakup parties and people feel it is good and say what is wrong in that.
I think it is better i live with my values which prefer a greater bondage over these.
May lord vishnu bless all in what ever they do.
Thursday, January 14, 2010
Happy Sankranthi 2010.
Wishing all friends and readers of the blog a happy 2010. May lord vishnu bless you and your families with happiness and joy.
Every year as it sets the time for calender ahead this year also I have identified few areas to work upon.
1. As parents have become old, this year top priority goes into becoming a good son. This is the need of hour and with the present job as free time is less i had decided to get most of it to be a good son. Lot of things put on to make work.
2. This is the year of VishnuVallabh solutions. The first employment to be rolled out. This was carried forward from previous year where it was supposed to start on oct 23rd of 2009 now to pushed to my birthday of 2010 and expected to provide a employment for 3 by july 2010 and god willing 5 by the year end. This brings in the dream to come true though delayed.
3. On personal front with the new role at office would like to do justice to it with full sincerity.
4. 2009 was a year of bad health and i had accepted it. Its time health is given its share of importance in 2010. This year health will be given its priority on the list for without it the above will become redundant. Need to get BP down to normals, Control diabetes and return to the stage where I had no arguments with anybody.
5. As ususal with every year commitments push the legal things to closure though few closed in 2009, 2010 should see closure of all.
6. Restructure the friends/wellwishers/cotarie to get equal wavelength people more close and close off few relations for the betterment of life and demands.
May lord vishnu bless me to deliver these thing in personal and professional life to have a great 2010.
Every year as it sets the time for calender ahead this year also I have identified few areas to work upon.
1. As parents have become old, this year top priority goes into becoming a good son. This is the need of hour and with the present job as free time is less i had decided to get most of it to be a good son. Lot of things put on to make work.
2. This is the year of VishnuVallabh solutions. The first employment to be rolled out. This was carried forward from previous year where it was supposed to start on oct 23rd of 2009 now to pushed to my birthday of 2010 and expected to provide a employment for 3 by july 2010 and god willing 5 by the year end. This brings in the dream to come true though delayed.
3. On personal front with the new role at office would like to do justice to it with full sincerity.
4. 2009 was a year of bad health and i had accepted it. Its time health is given its share of importance in 2010. This year health will be given its priority on the list for without it the above will become redundant. Need to get BP down to normals, Control diabetes and return to the stage where I had no arguments with anybody.
5. As ususal with every year commitments push the legal things to closure though few closed in 2009, 2010 should see closure of all.
6. Restructure the friends/wellwishers/cotarie to get equal wavelength people more close and close off few relations for the betterment of life and demands.
May lord vishnu bless me to deliver these thing in personal and professional life to have a great 2010.
cost of past
An intresting debate i had put across and the compiled reasons from lot of readers found worth while. While there can be past for everybody what is the cost was debate.
I thought about this question for a while and compiled many reasons to why this is a super bad idea. Below you will find 10 good reasons why this would be harmful OR even fatal top your relationship.
Let me give you the reasons in a list to why:
First. Women know men already have some kind of past, in talking about it, we either do not believe you or, our imaginations will make it more than it was! This can cause pain and misery for you.
Second: Woman never forget any of these details, and will throw it out there next week, month and year, along with the rest of your life. Anytime she feels like throwing it your face, she will! And if your details do not match up to the last time, she will be right on it, and you will be sorry.
Third: what happens if you run into this person down the road, say at a party ,or at a restaurant, and she comes up and starts yap, yap, yapping, you know your wife will do? . Don't get me started on how that will make your life a living hell.
Fourth: no one like to be compared to anyone else, talking about ex's, nothing good is going to come out of that! Your wife might start asking details you do not want to talk about.
Fifth: leave something for yourself, talk about it with your buddy, you can give more juicy details, and make it really more than it was, like most men do! Women do not need to hear the details.
Sixth: She really does not care, she wants you to pay attention to her. If you do want to say something about an ex, trash her.. That will make your lady feel special.
Seventh: If you took your ex on a vacation, or treated her to extravagant things, you are in huge trouble. You better prepare to spend some money.
Eighth: Let her always wonder, a lady likes a little mystery. If she persists in knowing, tell her that it was boring and sad before you met her. That once you met her your life was changed forever! Let her feel that no matter what you chose her. Basically lie.
Ninth: If you ignore the warnings and decide to tell her, be ready, you might get all her details, and unless you are ready for that, do not open that can of worms!
And finally tenth: If you tell her all your past, she may want to become a part of it ,or, your future may become a living hell.
The info shared from viewers on debate are not purely personal but compilation which most agreed and no intention of pointing or reffering to anybody living or dead.
I thought about this question for a while and compiled many reasons to why this is a super bad idea. Below you will find 10 good reasons why this would be harmful OR even fatal top your relationship.
Let me give you the reasons in a list to why:
First. Women know men already have some kind of past, in talking about it, we either do not believe you or, our imaginations will make it more than it was! This can cause pain and misery for you.
Second: Woman never forget any of these details, and will throw it out there next week, month and year, along with the rest of your life. Anytime she feels like throwing it your face, she will! And if your details do not match up to the last time, she will be right on it, and you will be sorry.
Third: what happens if you run into this person down the road, say at a party ,or at a restaurant, and she comes up and starts yap, yap, yapping, you know your wife will do? . Don't get me started on how that will make your life a living hell.
Fourth: no one like to be compared to anyone else, talking about ex's, nothing good is going to come out of that! Your wife might start asking details you do not want to talk about.
Fifth: leave something for yourself, talk about it with your buddy, you can give more juicy details, and make it really more than it was, like most men do! Women do not need to hear the details.
Sixth: She really does not care, she wants you to pay attention to her. If you do want to say something about an ex, trash her.. That will make your lady feel special.
Seventh: If you took your ex on a vacation, or treated her to extravagant things, you are in huge trouble. You better prepare to spend some money.
Eighth: Let her always wonder, a lady likes a little mystery. If she persists in knowing, tell her that it was boring and sad before you met her. That once you met her your life was changed forever! Let her feel that no matter what you chose her. Basically lie.
Ninth: If you ignore the warnings and decide to tell her, be ready, you might get all her details, and unless you are ready for that, do not open that can of worms!
And finally tenth: If you tell her all your past, she may want to become a part of it ,or, your future may become a living hell.
The info shared from viewers on debate are not purely personal but compilation which most agreed and no intention of pointing or reffering to anybody living or dead.
Monday, January 11, 2010
A good friend - i am missing at mumbai.
A Good Friend
In kindergarten your idea of a good friend was the person who let you have the red crayon when all that was left was the ugly black one.
In primary school your idea of a good friend was the person who went to the bathroom with you; held your hand as you walked through the scary halls; helped you stand up to the class bully; shared their lunch with you when you forgot yours on the bus; saved a seat on the back of the bus for you; knew who you had a crush on and never understood why.
In secondary school your idea of a good friend was the person who let you copy their social studies homework; went to that "cool" party with you so you wouldn't wind up being the only freshie there; did not let you lunch alone.
In pre-university your idea of a good friend was the person who gave you rides in their new car; convinced your parents that you shouldn't be grounded; consoled you when you broke up with Nick or Susan; found you a date to the prom or went to the prom with you (both without dates); helped you pick a university and assured you that you would get into that university; helped you deal with your parents who were having a hard time letting you go.
On the threshold of adulthood your idea of a good friend was the person who was there when you just couldn't deal with your parents; assured you that now that you and narender or you and sumalatha were back together, you could make it through anything; just silently hugged you as you looked through blurry eyes at 18 years of memories; and reassured you that you would make it in university as well as you had these past 18 years; and most importantly sent you off to university knowing you were loved.
Now, your idea of a good friend is still the person who gives you the better of the two choices, hold your hand when you're scared, helps you fight off those who try to take advantage of you, thinks of you at times when you are not there, reminds you of what you have forgotten, helps you put the past behind you but understands when you need to hold on to it a little longer, stays with you so that you have confidence, goes out of their way to make time for you, helps you clear up your mistakes, helps you deal with pressure from others, smiles for you when they are sad, helps you become a better person, and most importantly loves you!
Pass this url on to those friends of the past, and those of the future...and those you have met along the way.
Thank you for being a friend.
No matter where we go or who we become, never forget who helped us get there.
There's never a wrong time to pick up a phone or send a message telling your friends how much you miss them or how much you love them
In kindergarten your idea of a good friend was the person who let you have the red crayon when all that was left was the ugly black one.
In primary school your idea of a good friend was the person who went to the bathroom with you; held your hand as you walked through the scary halls; helped you stand up to the class bully; shared their lunch with you when you forgot yours on the bus; saved a seat on the back of the bus for you; knew who you had a crush on and never understood why.
In secondary school your idea of a good friend was the person who let you copy their social studies homework; went to that "cool" party with you so you wouldn't wind up being the only freshie there; did not let you lunch alone.
In pre-university your idea of a good friend was the person who gave you rides in their new car; convinced your parents that you shouldn't be grounded; consoled you when you broke up with Nick or Susan; found you a date to the prom or went to the prom with you (both without dates); helped you pick a university and assured you that you would get into that university; helped you deal with your parents who were having a hard time letting you go.
On the threshold of adulthood your idea of a good friend was the person who was there when you just couldn't deal with your parents; assured you that now that you and narender or you and sumalatha were back together, you could make it through anything; just silently hugged you as you looked through blurry eyes at 18 years of memories; and reassured you that you would make it in university as well as you had these past 18 years; and most importantly sent you off to university knowing you were loved.
Now, your idea of a good friend is still the person who gives you the better of the two choices, hold your hand when you're scared, helps you fight off those who try to take advantage of you, thinks of you at times when you are not there, reminds you of what you have forgotten, helps you put the past behind you but understands when you need to hold on to it a little longer, stays with you so that you have confidence, goes out of their way to make time for you, helps you clear up your mistakes, helps you deal with pressure from others, smiles for you when they are sad, helps you become a better person, and most importantly loves you!
Pass this url on to those friends of the past, and those of the future...and those you have met along the way.
Thank you for being a friend.
No matter where we go or who we become, never forget who helped us get there.
There's never a wrong time to pick up a phone or send a message telling your friends how much you miss them or how much you love them
Advantages and disadvantages of love marriages and arranged marriages.
I am an Indian and when we look into the Indian culture and tradition, its mostly arranged marriage that happens, but now things are changing, old customs are just remaining customs. In arranged marriages, usually the parents or some elderly person comes up with a proposal for marriage and then they go through the horoscopes, educational qualifications, physical, chemistry, biology, family backgrounds / history and all kinds of stuffs and then finally the acceptance from the boy and the girl. Acceptance from girl side was not of high priority in most cases earlier, but now things have started changing. Some are really forced to get married according to the wish of their parents or elders. In fact they have to sacrifice their life for the sake of keeping their parents happy.
In love marriage, when a boy fall in love with a girl who matches his likes or a girl likes a boy and they becomes friend. The friendship may grow more closer and at one stage if they feel comfortable with each other, they may decide to become life partners. In most of the cases, all these happens without the knowledge of their parents. When the stage comes to get married or if a the girl or the boy is forced to get married to another person, these things come out. Some parents may take it positively and may agree to go ahead with the proposal have will end up with a ceremonial wedding. But in most of the cases, they lose the support from their parents and with the help of their friends, they are forced to go for a registered wedding and end up separating from their family.
Advantages of arranged marriage.
Its not always that arranged marriages are successful or love marriage are successful. We see that most of the arranged marriage are successful for some reasons. When its an arrange marriage, the parents do support the relationship and they try their best to keep the relationship live as it is their responsibility too. Arranged marriages are good, if you believe in astrology and horoscope. I have seen that some really grow good, life changes after getting married and some vise versa. In arranged marriage, the boy and girl will be from the same religion and caste, so they have the life style, food and culture. In arranged marriages, the girl is more protected as the parents care for a girl who married according to their wish.
Disadvantages of Arranged Marriages
All of a sudden you start your life with a person with you have hardly spend any time. You don’t know the person or you may even not like the person if you have go married because your parents and elders decided your marriage. Most of the cases the girl is forced to sacrifice their likes and adjust to the reality. Some may just live their life it goes believing its their fate and their parents are happy, but some break up. Some start their love life after the wedding and really enjoy and are happy.
Advantages, Advantages of Love Marriage
Love marriage is a legal right for two individuals who care and love for each other to live together and go ahead with their life. In love marriage, you know each other well, you are not going to be with any stranger or you may not have much problems if you know about the person well before you decide to spend your life together. A love marriage can become un-successful, if you had a very short time time know each other and just decided to get married. If you are knowing each other well and you are sure that you can get along with each other without any problems then you can decide to get married. In short the advantage of going for a love marriage is that you are going to live your life with a person who you know well and you are sure that you can get along well.
Its not easy to go for a love marriage. You need to first fall in love with someone and that person should like you as well. It takes time to know each other and both of you should feel comfortable with each other. Decide to get married to a person who loves you more than you love that person. In many cases I have seen that one person is badly in love with the other person, but not vise versa. Never force somebody to love you and get married, you should give sufficient time to the other person whom you love to know you more and you should take sufficient time to learn your partner well before you both come to a decision to live together.
In my opinion, nobody can be sure that he or she will fall in love with a person and even if he or she falls in love with somebody, that person will fall in love in return. If you don’t fall in love or not get a right person, then you can think of arranged marriages. Even in arranged marriages you can know the person well before you decide to get married. You should make sure that your proposed partner likes you as well and is not agreeing for the wedding because of any pressure from her / his parents or any other reasons.
In love marriage, when a boy fall in love with a girl who matches his likes or a girl likes a boy and they becomes friend. The friendship may grow more closer and at one stage if they feel comfortable with each other, they may decide to become life partners. In most of the cases, all these happens without the knowledge of their parents. When the stage comes to get married or if a the girl or the boy is forced to get married to another person, these things come out. Some parents may take it positively and may agree to go ahead with the proposal have will end up with a ceremonial wedding. But in most of the cases, they lose the support from their parents and with the help of their friends, they are forced to go for a registered wedding and end up separating from their family.
Advantages of arranged marriage.
Its not always that arranged marriages are successful or love marriage are successful. We see that most of the arranged marriage are successful for some reasons. When its an arrange marriage, the parents do support the relationship and they try their best to keep the relationship live as it is their responsibility too. Arranged marriages are good, if you believe in astrology and horoscope. I have seen that some really grow good, life changes after getting married and some vise versa. In arranged marriage, the boy and girl will be from the same religion and caste, so they have the life style, food and culture. In arranged marriages, the girl is more protected as the parents care for a girl who married according to their wish.
Disadvantages of Arranged Marriages
All of a sudden you start your life with a person with you have hardly spend any time. You don’t know the person or you may even not like the person if you have go married because your parents and elders decided your marriage. Most of the cases the girl is forced to sacrifice their likes and adjust to the reality. Some may just live their life it goes believing its their fate and their parents are happy, but some break up. Some start their love life after the wedding and really enjoy and are happy.
Advantages, Advantages of Love Marriage
Love marriage is a legal right for two individuals who care and love for each other to live together and go ahead with their life. In love marriage, you know each other well, you are not going to be with any stranger or you may not have much problems if you know about the person well before you decide to spend your life together. A love marriage can become un-successful, if you had a very short time time know each other and just decided to get married. If you are knowing each other well and you are sure that you can get along with each other without any problems then you can decide to get married. In short the advantage of going for a love marriage is that you are going to live your life with a person who you know well and you are sure that you can get along well.
Its not easy to go for a love marriage. You need to first fall in love with someone and that person should like you as well. It takes time to know each other and both of you should feel comfortable with each other. Decide to get married to a person who loves you more than you love that person. In many cases I have seen that one person is badly in love with the other person, but not vise versa. Never force somebody to love you and get married, you should give sufficient time to the other person whom you love to know you more and you should take sufficient time to learn your partner well before you both come to a decision to live together.
In my opinion, nobody can be sure that he or she will fall in love with a person and even if he or she falls in love with somebody, that person will fall in love in return. If you don’t fall in love or not get a right person, then you can think of arranged marriages. Even in arranged marriages you can know the person well before you decide to get married. You should make sure that your proposed partner likes you as well and is not agreeing for the wedding because of any pressure from her / his parents or any other reasons.
Vetagadu-NTR-good olden days.
Just now saw the movie Vetagadu of NTR. Saw this movie when i was very young. How good were those days. Why god has taken away that happiness. No fear of anything. A small village podili where my granny used to be there.Raghavendra picture palace cinema hall. goli soda and chakram in the middle of the movie. Bellam mitai a type of sweet which is my all time favourite. I dont know when god can give back those days. God please stop this vengenance on me. I am tired. I dont have energy left out to fight out. Please either take me to you or give me peace and hope to live a peaceful life atleast. This is a sincere request god. I am totally tired.
Sunday, January 10, 2010
Emotional Intelligence (EQ)
Dear friends,
Last night i could not sleep as i was thinking what is that i am missing out. I could get the answer. Yes the topic. Hope it will help you if you are going through any such stages and hope you never come to any of such stage.
Emotional Intelligence (EQ)
Five Key Skills for Raising Your Emotional Intelligence
Emotional intelligence (EQ) is a different type of intelligence. It’s about being “heart smart,” not just “book smart.” The evidence shows that emotional intelligence matters just as much as intellectual ability, if not more so, when it comes to happiness and success in life. Emotional intelligence helps you build strong relationships, succeed at work, and achieve your goals.
The skills of emotional intelligence can be developed throughout life. You can boost your own “EQ” by learning how to rapidly reduce stress; connect to your emotions; communicate nonverbally; use humor and play to deal with challenges; and defuse conflicts with confidence and self-assurance.
What is emotional intelligence?
Emotional intelligence is the ability to identify, use, understand, and manage your emotions in positive and constructive ways. It's about recognizing your own emotional state and the emotional states of others. Emotional intelligence is also about engaging with others in ways that draw people to you.
Emotional intelligence consists of four core abilities:
• Self-awareness — The ability to recognize your own emotions and how they affect your thoughts and behavior; know your strengths and weaknesses; and have self-confidence.
• Self-management — The ability to control impulsive feelings and behaviors; manage your emotions in healthy ways; take initiative; follow through on commitments; and adapt to changing circumstances.
• Social awareness — The ability to understand the emotions, needs, and concerns of other people; pick up on emotional cues; feel comfortable socially; and recognize the power dynamics in a group or organization.
• Relationship management — The ability to develop and maintain good relationships; communicate clearly; inspire and influence others; work well in a team; and manage conflict.
Most of us have learned not to trust our emotions. We've been told emotions distort the more “accurate” information our intellect supplies. Even the term “emotional” has come to mean weak, out of control, and even childish. "Don't be a baby!" we say to the little boy who is crying on the playground. "Leave him alone! Let him work it out!" we admonish the little girl who runs to help the little boy.
On the other hand, our abilities to memorize and problem-solve, to spell words and do mathematical calculations, are easily measured on written tests and slapped as grades on report cards. Ultimately, these intellectual abilities dictate which college will accept us and which career paths we‘re advised to follow.
However, intellectual intelligence (IQ) is usually less important in determining how successful we are than emotional intelligence (EQ). We all know people who are academically brilliant and yet are socially inept and unsuccessful. What they are missing is emotional intelligence.
Emotional development: How to raise your emotional intelligence Most of us know that there is a world of difference between knowledge and behavior, or applying that knowledge to make changes in our lives. There are many things we may know and want to do, but don’t or can’t when we’re under pressure. This is especially true when it comes to emotional intelligence.
Emotional intelligence is not learned in the standard intellectual way; it must be learned and understood on an emotional level. We can’t simply read about emotional intelligence or master it through memorization. In order to learn about emotional intelligence in a way that produces change, we need to engage the emotional parts of the brain in ways that connect us to others. This kind of learning is based on what we see, hear, and feel. Intellectual understanding is an important first step, but the development of emotional intelligence depends on sensory, nonverbal learning and real-life practice.
Developing emotional intelligence through five key skills:
Emotional intelligence consists of five key skills, each building on the last:
• Emotional intelligence (EQ) skill 1: The ability to quickly reduce stress.
• Emotional intelligence (EQ) skill 2: The ability to recognize and manage your emotions.
• Emotional intelligence (EQ) skill 3: The ability to connect with others using nonverbal communication.
• Emotional intelligence (EQ) skill 4: The ability to use humor and play to deal with challenges.
• Emotional intelligence (EQ) skill 5: The ability to resolve conflicts positively and with confidence.
The five skills of emotional intelligence can be learned by anyone, at anytime. But there is a difference between learning about emotional intelligence and applying that knowledge to your life. Just because you know you should do something doesn’t mean you will—especially when you’re feeling stressed. This is especially true when it comes to the skills of emotional intelligence.
Raising your emotional intelligence by engaging your emotions
When you become overwhelmed by stress, the emotional parts of your brain override the rational parts—hijacking your best-laid plans, intentions, and strategies. In order to permanently change behavior in ways that stand up under pressure, you need to learn how to take advantage of the powerful emotional parts of the brain that remain active and accessible even in times of stress. This means that you can’t simply read about emotional intelligence in order to master it. You have to learn the skills on a deeper, emotional level—experiencing and practicing them in your everyday life.
Emotional intelligence (EQ) skill 1: Rapidly reduce stress
When we’re under high levels of stress, rational thinking and decision making go out the window. Runaway stress overwhelms the mind and body, getting in the way of our ability to accurately “read” a situation, hear what someone else is saying, be aware of our own feelings and needs, and communicate clearly.
The first key skill of emotional intelligence is the ability to quickly calm yourself down when you’re feeling overwhelmed. Being able to manage stress in the moment is the key to resilience. This emotional intelligence skill helps you stay balanced, focused, and in control–no matter what challenges you face.
Stress busting: functioning well in the heat of the moment
Develop your stress busting skills by working through the following three steps:
• Realize when you’re stressed – The first step to reducing stress is recognizing what stress feels like. Many of us spend so much time in an unbalanced state that we’ve forgotten what it feels like to be calm and relaxed.
• Identify your stress response – Everyone reacts differently to stress. Do you tend to space out and get depressed? Become angry and agitated? Freeze with anxiety? The best way to quickly calm yourself depends on your specific stress response.
Discover the stress busting techniques that work for you – The best way to reduce stress quickly is through the senses: through sight, sound, smell, taste, and touch. But each person responds differently to sensory input, so you need to find things that are soothing to you. Emotional intelligence (EQ) skill 2: Connect to your emotions
The second key skill of emotional intelligence is having a moment-to-moment awareness of your emotions and how they influence your thoughts and actions. Emotional awareness is the key to understanding yourself and others.
Many people are disconnected from their emotions–especially strong core emotions such as anger, sadness, fear, and joy. But although we can distort, deny, or numb our feelings, we can’t eliminate them. They’re still there, whether we’re aware of them or not. Unfortunately, without emotional awareness, we are unable to fully understand our own motivations and needs, or to communicate effectively with others.
What kind of a relationship do you have with your emotions?
• Do you experience feelings that flow, encountering one emotion after another as your experiences change from moment to moment?
• Are your emotions accompanied by physical sensations that you experience in places like your stomach or chest?
• Do you experience discrete feelings and emotions, such as anger, sadness, fear, joy, each of which is evident in subtle facial expressions?
• Can you experience intense feelings that are strong enough to capture both your attention and that of others?
• Do you pay attention to your emotions? Do they factor into your decision making?
If any of these experiences are unfamiliar, your emotions may be turned down or turned off. In order to be emotionally healthy and emotionally intelligent, you must reconnect to your core emotions, accept them, and become comfortable with them.
Emotional intelligence skill (EQ) 3: Nonverbal communication
Being a good communicator requires more than just verbal skills. Oftentimes, what we say is less important than how we say it or the other nonverbal signals we send out. In order to hold the attention of others and build connection and trust, we need to be aware of and in control of our nonverbal cues. We also need to be able to accurately read and respond to the nonverbal cues that other people send us.
Nonverbal communication is the third skill of emotional intelligence. This wordless form of communication is emotionally driven. It asks the questions: “Are you listening?” and “Do you understand and care?” Answers to these questions are expressed in the way we listen, look, move, and react. Our nonverbal messages will produce a sense of interest, trust, excitement, and desire for connection–or they will generate fear, confusion, distrust, and disinterest.
Part of improving nonverbal communication involves paying attention to:
• Eye contact
• Facial expression
• Tone of voice
• Posture and gesture
• Touch
• Timing and pace
Emotional intelligence (EQ) skill 4: Use humor and play to deal with challenges
Humor, laughter, and play are natural antidotes to life’s difficulties. They lighten our burdens and help us keep things in perspective. A good hearty laugh reduces stress, elevates mood, and brings our nervous system back into balance.
The ability to deal with challenges using humor and play is the fourth skill of emotional intelligence. Playful communication broadens our emotional intelligence and helps us:
• Take hardships in stride. By allowing us to view our frustrations and disappointments from new perspectives, laughter and play enable us to survive annoyances, hard times, and setbacks.
• Smooth over differences. Using gentle humor often helps us say things that might be otherwise difficult to express without creating a flap.
• Simultaneously relax and energize ourselves. Playful communication relieves fatigue and relaxes our bodies, which allows us to recharge and accomplish more.
• Become more creative. When we loosen up, we free ourselves of rigid ways of thinking and being, allowing us to get creative and see things in new ways.
Emotional intelligence (EQ) skill 5: Resolve conflict positively
Conflict and disagreements are inevitable in relationships. Two people can’t possibly have the same needs, opinions, and expectations at all times. However, that needn’t be a bad thing! Resolving conflict in healthy, constructive ways can strengthen trust between people. When conflict isn’t perceived as threatening or punishing, it fosters freedom, creativity, and safety in relationships.
The ability to manage conflicts in a positive, trust-building way is the fifth key skill of emotional intelligence. Successfully resolving differences is supported by the previous four skills of emotional intelligence. Once you know how to manage stress, stay emotionally present and aware, communicate nonverbally, and use humor and play, you’ll be better equipped to handle emotionally-charged situations and catch and defuse many issues before they escalate.
Tips for resolving conflict in a trust-building way:
• Stay focused in the present. When we are not holding on to old hurts and resentments, we can recognize the reality of a current situation and view it as a new opportunity for resolving old feelings about conflicts.
• Choose your arguments. Arguments take time and energy, especially if you want to resolve them in a positive way. Consider what is worth arguing about and what is not.
• Forgive. If you continue to be hurt or mistreated, protect yourself. But someone else’s hurtful behavior is in the past, remember that conflict resolution involves giving up the urge to punish.
• End conflicts that can't be resolved. It takes two people to keep an argument going. You can choose to disengage from a conflict, even if you still disagree.
Last night i could not sleep as i was thinking what is that i am missing out. I could get the answer. Yes the topic. Hope it will help you if you are going through any such stages and hope you never come to any of such stage.
Emotional Intelligence (EQ)
Five Key Skills for Raising Your Emotional Intelligence
Emotional intelligence (EQ) is a different type of intelligence. It’s about being “heart smart,” not just “book smart.” The evidence shows that emotional intelligence matters just as much as intellectual ability, if not more so, when it comes to happiness and success in life. Emotional intelligence helps you build strong relationships, succeed at work, and achieve your goals.
The skills of emotional intelligence can be developed throughout life. You can boost your own “EQ” by learning how to rapidly reduce stress; connect to your emotions; communicate nonverbally; use humor and play to deal with challenges; and defuse conflicts with confidence and self-assurance.
What is emotional intelligence?
Emotional intelligence is the ability to identify, use, understand, and manage your emotions in positive and constructive ways. It's about recognizing your own emotional state and the emotional states of others. Emotional intelligence is also about engaging with others in ways that draw people to you.
Emotional intelligence consists of four core abilities:
• Self-awareness — The ability to recognize your own emotions and how they affect your thoughts and behavior; know your strengths and weaknesses; and have self-confidence.
• Self-management — The ability to control impulsive feelings and behaviors; manage your emotions in healthy ways; take initiative; follow through on commitments; and adapt to changing circumstances.
• Social awareness — The ability to understand the emotions, needs, and concerns of other people; pick up on emotional cues; feel comfortable socially; and recognize the power dynamics in a group or organization.
• Relationship management — The ability to develop and maintain good relationships; communicate clearly; inspire and influence others; work well in a team; and manage conflict.
Emotional Intelligence (EQ) vs. Intellectual Intelligence (IQ)
Most of us have learned not to trust our emotions. We've been told emotions distort the more “accurate” information our intellect supplies. Even the term “emotional” has come to mean weak, out of control, and even childish. "Don't be a baby!" we say to the little boy who is crying on the playground. "Leave him alone! Let him work it out!" we admonish the little girl who runs to help the little boy.
On the other hand, our abilities to memorize and problem-solve, to spell words and do mathematical calculations, are easily measured on written tests and slapped as grades on report cards. Ultimately, these intellectual abilities dictate which college will accept us and which career paths we‘re advised to follow.
However, intellectual intelligence (IQ) is usually less important in determining how successful we are than emotional intelligence (EQ). We all know people who are academically brilliant and yet are socially inept and unsuccessful. What they are missing is emotional intelligence.
Emotional development: How to raise your emotional intelligence Most of us know that there is a world of difference between knowledge and behavior, or applying that knowledge to make changes in our lives. There are many things we may know and want to do, but don’t or can’t when we’re under pressure. This is especially true when it comes to emotional intelligence.
Emotional intelligence is not learned in the standard intellectual way; it must be learned and understood on an emotional level. We can’t simply read about emotional intelligence or master it through memorization. In order to learn about emotional intelligence in a way that produces change, we need to engage the emotional parts of the brain in ways that connect us to others. This kind of learning is based on what we see, hear, and feel. Intellectual understanding is an important first step, but the development of emotional intelligence depends on sensory, nonverbal learning and real-life practice.
Developing emotional intelligence through five key skills:
Emotional intelligence consists of five key skills, each building on the last:
• Emotional intelligence (EQ) skill 1: The ability to quickly reduce stress.
• Emotional intelligence (EQ) skill 2: The ability to recognize and manage your emotions.
• Emotional intelligence (EQ) skill 3: The ability to connect with others using nonverbal communication.
• Emotional intelligence (EQ) skill 4: The ability to use humor and play to deal with challenges.
• Emotional intelligence (EQ) skill 5: The ability to resolve conflicts positively and with confidence.
The five skills of emotional intelligence can be learned by anyone, at anytime. But there is a difference between learning about emotional intelligence and applying that knowledge to your life. Just because you know you should do something doesn’t mean you will—especially when you’re feeling stressed. This is especially true when it comes to the skills of emotional intelligence.
Raising your emotional intelligence by engaging your emotions
When you become overwhelmed by stress, the emotional parts of your brain override the rational parts—hijacking your best-laid plans, intentions, and strategies. In order to permanently change behavior in ways that stand up under pressure, you need to learn how to take advantage of the powerful emotional parts of the brain that remain active and accessible even in times of stress. This means that you can’t simply read about emotional intelligence in order to master it. You have to learn the skills on a deeper, emotional level—experiencing and practicing them in your everyday life.
Emotional intelligence (EQ) skill 1: Rapidly reduce stress
When we’re under high levels of stress, rational thinking and decision making go out the window. Runaway stress overwhelms the mind and body, getting in the way of our ability to accurately “read” a situation, hear what someone else is saying, be aware of our own feelings and needs, and communicate clearly.
The first key skill of emotional intelligence is the ability to quickly calm yourself down when you’re feeling overwhelmed. Being able to manage stress in the moment is the key to resilience. This emotional intelligence skill helps you stay balanced, focused, and in control–no matter what challenges you face.
Stress busting: functioning well in the heat of the moment
Develop your stress busting skills by working through the following three steps:
• Realize when you’re stressed – The first step to reducing stress is recognizing what stress feels like. Many of us spend so much time in an unbalanced state that we’ve forgotten what it feels like to be calm and relaxed.
• Identify your stress response – Everyone reacts differently to stress. Do you tend to space out and get depressed? Become angry and agitated? Freeze with anxiety? The best way to quickly calm yourself depends on your specific stress response.
Discover the stress busting techniques that work for you – The best way to reduce stress quickly is through the senses: through sight, sound, smell, taste, and touch. But each person responds differently to sensory input, so you need to find things that are soothing to you. Emotional intelligence (EQ) skill 2: Connect to your emotions
The second key skill of emotional intelligence is having a moment-to-moment awareness of your emotions and how they influence your thoughts and actions. Emotional awareness is the key to understanding yourself and others.
Many people are disconnected from their emotions–especially strong core emotions such as anger, sadness, fear, and joy. But although we can distort, deny, or numb our feelings, we can’t eliminate them. They’re still there, whether we’re aware of them or not. Unfortunately, without emotional awareness, we are unable to fully understand our own motivations and needs, or to communicate effectively with others.
What kind of a relationship do you have with your emotions?
• Do you experience feelings that flow, encountering one emotion after another as your experiences change from moment to moment?
• Are your emotions accompanied by physical sensations that you experience in places like your stomach or chest?
• Do you experience discrete feelings and emotions, such as anger, sadness, fear, joy, each of which is evident in subtle facial expressions?
• Can you experience intense feelings that are strong enough to capture both your attention and that of others?
• Do you pay attention to your emotions? Do they factor into your decision making?
If any of these experiences are unfamiliar, your emotions may be turned down or turned off. In order to be emotionally healthy and emotionally intelligent, you must reconnect to your core emotions, accept them, and become comfortable with them.
Emotional intelligence skill (EQ) 3: Nonverbal communication
Being a good communicator requires more than just verbal skills. Oftentimes, what we say is less important than how we say it or the other nonverbal signals we send out. In order to hold the attention of others and build connection and trust, we need to be aware of and in control of our nonverbal cues. We also need to be able to accurately read and respond to the nonverbal cues that other people send us.
Nonverbal communication is the third skill of emotional intelligence. This wordless form of communication is emotionally driven. It asks the questions: “Are you listening?” and “Do you understand and care?” Answers to these questions are expressed in the way we listen, look, move, and react. Our nonverbal messages will produce a sense of interest, trust, excitement, and desire for connection–or they will generate fear, confusion, distrust, and disinterest.
Part of improving nonverbal communication involves paying attention to:
• Eye contact
• Facial expression
• Tone of voice
• Posture and gesture
• Touch
• Timing and pace
Emotional intelligence (EQ) skill 4: Use humor and play to deal with challenges
Humor, laughter, and play are natural antidotes to life’s difficulties. They lighten our burdens and help us keep things in perspective. A good hearty laugh reduces stress, elevates mood, and brings our nervous system back into balance.
The ability to deal with challenges using humor and play is the fourth skill of emotional intelligence. Playful communication broadens our emotional intelligence and helps us:
• Take hardships in stride. By allowing us to view our frustrations and disappointments from new perspectives, laughter and play enable us to survive annoyances, hard times, and setbacks.
• Smooth over differences. Using gentle humor often helps us say things that might be otherwise difficult to express without creating a flap.
• Simultaneously relax and energize ourselves. Playful communication relieves fatigue and relaxes our bodies, which allows us to recharge and accomplish more.
• Become more creative. When we loosen up, we free ourselves of rigid ways of thinking and being, allowing us to get creative and see things in new ways.
Emotional intelligence (EQ) skill 5: Resolve conflict positively
Conflict and disagreements are inevitable in relationships. Two people can’t possibly have the same needs, opinions, and expectations at all times. However, that needn’t be a bad thing! Resolving conflict in healthy, constructive ways can strengthen trust between people. When conflict isn’t perceived as threatening or punishing, it fosters freedom, creativity, and safety in relationships.
The ability to manage conflicts in a positive, trust-building way is the fifth key skill of emotional intelligence. Successfully resolving differences is supported by the previous four skills of emotional intelligence. Once you know how to manage stress, stay emotionally present and aware, communicate nonverbally, and use humor and play, you’ll be better equipped to handle emotionally-charged situations and catch and defuse many issues before they escalate.
Tips for resolving conflict in a trust-building way:
• Stay focused in the present. When we are not holding on to old hurts and resentments, we can recognize the reality of a current situation and view it as a new opportunity for resolving old feelings about conflicts.
• Choose your arguments. Arguments take time and energy, especially if you want to resolve them in a positive way. Consider what is worth arguing about and what is not.
• Forgive. If you continue to be hurt or mistreated, protect yourself. But someone else’s hurtful behavior is in the past, remember that conflict resolution involves giving up the urge to punish.
• End conflicts that can't be resolved. It takes two people to keep an argument going. You can choose to disengage from a conflict, even if you still disagree.
Losing someone or something you love is very painful. After a significant loss, you may experience all kinds of difficult and surprising emotions, such as shock, anger, and guilt. Sometimes it may feel like the sadness will never let up. While these feelings can be frightening and overwhelming, they are normal reactions to loss. Accepting them as part of the grieving process and allowing yourself to feel what you feel is necessary for healing.
There is no right or wrong way to grieve — but there are healthy ways to cope with the pain. You can get through it! Grief that is expressed and experienced has a potential for healing that eventually can strengthen and enrich life.
What is grief?
Grief is a natural response to loss. It’s the emotional suffering you feel when something or someone you love is taken away. You may associate grief with the death of a loved one – and this type of loss does often cause the most intense grief. But any loss can cause grief, including:
• A relationship breakup
• Loss of health
• Losing a job
• Loss of financial stability
• A miscarriage
. Death of a pet
• Loss of a cherished dream
• A loved one’s serious illness
• Loss of a friendship
• Loss of safety after a trauma
The more significant the loss, the more intense the grief. However, even subtle losses can lead to grief. For example, you might experience grief after moving away from home, graduating from college, changing jobs, selling your family home, or retiring from a career you loved.
Everyone grieves differently
Grieving is a personal and highly individual experience. How you grieve depends on many factors, including your personality and coping style, your life experience, your faith, and the nature of the loss. The grieving process takes time. Healing happens gradually; it can’t be forced or hurried – and there is no “normal” timetable for grieving. Some people start to feel better in weeks or months. For others, the grieving process is measured in years. Whatever your grief experience, it’s important to be patient with yourself and allow the process to naturally unfold.
Myths and Facts About Grief
MYTH: The pain will go away faster if you ignore it.
Fact: Trying to ignore your pain or keep it from surfacing will only make it worse in the long run. For real healing it is necessary to face your grief and actively deal with it.
MYTH: It’s important to be “be strong” in the face of loss.
Fact: Feeling sad, frightened, or lonely is a normal reaction to loss. Crying doesn’t mean you are weak. You don’t need to “protect” your family or friends by putting on a brave front. Showing your true feelings can help them and you.
MYTH: If you don’t cry, it means you aren’t sorry about the loss.
Fact: Crying is a normal response to sadness, but it’s not the only one. Those who don’t cry may feel the pain just as deeply as others. They may simply have other ways of showing it.
MYTH: Grief should last about a year.
Fact: There is no right or wrong time frame for grieving. How long it takes can differ from person to person.
Are there stages of grief?
In 1969, psychiatrist Elisabeth Kübler-Ross introduced what became known as the “five stages of grief.” These stages of grief were based on her studies of the feelings of patients facing terminal illness, but many people have generalized them to other types of negative life changes and losses, such as the death of a loved one or a break-up.
The five stages of grief:
• Denial: “This can’t be happening to me.”
• Anger: “Why is this happening? Who is to blame?”
• Bargaining: “Make this not happen, and in return I will ____.”
• Depression: “I’m too sad to do anything.”
• Acceptance: “I’m at peace with what happened.”
If you are experiencing any of these emotions following a loss, it may help to know that your reaction is natural and that you’ll heal in time. However, not everyone who is grieving goes through all of these stages – and that’s okay. Contrary to popular belief, you do not have to go through each stage in order to heal. In fact, some people resolve their grief without going through any of these stages. And if you do go through these stages of grief, you probably won’t experience them in a neat, sequential order, so don’t worry about what you “should” be feeling or which stage you’re supposed to be in.
Kübler-Ross herself never intended for these stages to be a rigid framework that applies to everyone who mourns. In her last book before her death in 2004, she said of the five stages of grief, “They were never meant to help tuck messy emotions into neat packages. They are responses to loss that many people have, but there is not a typical response to loss, as there is no typical loss. Our grieving is as individual as our lives.”
Grief is a roller coaster, not a series of stages
It is best not to think of grief as a series of stages. Rather, we might think of the grieving process as a roller coaster, full of ups and downs, highs and lows. Like many roller coasters, the ride tends to be rougher in the beginning, the lows may be deeper and longer. The difficult periods should become less intense and shorter as time goes by, but it takes time to work through a loss. Even years after a loss, especially at special events such as a family wedding or the birth of a child, we may still experience a strong sense of grief.
Common symptoms of grief
While loss affects people in different ways, many people experience the following symptoms when they’re grieving. Just remember that almost anything that you experience in the early stages of grief is normal – including feeling like you’re going crazy, feeling like you’re in a bad dream, or questioning your religious beliefs.
• Shock and disbelief – Right after a loss, it can be hard to accept what happened. You may feel numb, have trouble believing that the loss really happened, or even deny the truth. If someone you love has died, you may keep expecting them to show up, even though you know they’re gone.
• Sadness – Profound sadness is probably the most universally experienced symptom of grief. You may have feelings of emptiness, despair, yearning, or deep loneliness. You may also cry a lot or feel emotionally unstable.
• Guilt – You may regret or feel guilty about things you did or didn’t say or do. You may also feel guilty about certain feelings (e.g. feeling relieved when the person died after a long, difficult illness). After a death, you may even feel guilty for not doing something to prevent the death, even if there was nothing more you could have done.
• Anger – Even if the loss was nobody’s fault, you may feel angry and resentful. If you lost a loved one, you may be angry at yourself, God, the doctors, or even the person who died for abandoning you. You may feel the need to blame someone for the injustice that was done to you.
• Fear – A significant loss can trigger a host of worries and fears. You may feel anxious, helpless, or insecure. You may even have panic attacks. The death of a loved one can trigger fears about your own mortality, of facing life without that person, or the responsibilities you now face alone.
• Physical symptoms – We often think of grief as a strictly emotional process, but grief often involves physical problems, including fatigue, nausea, lowered immunity, weight loss or weight gain, aches and pains, and insomnia.
Coping with grief and loss tip 1: Get support
The single most important factor in healing from loss is having the support of other people. Even if you aren’t comfortable talking about your feelings under normal circumstances, it’s important to express them when you’re grieving. Sharing your loss makes the burden of grief easier to carry. Wherever the support comes from, accept it and do not grieve alone. Connecting to others will help you heal.
Finding support after a loss
• Turn to friends and family members – Now is the time to lean on the people who care about you, even if you take pride in being strong and self-sufficient. Draw loved ones close, rather than avoiding them, and accept the assistance that’s offered. Oftentimes, people want to help but don’t know how, so tell them what you need – whether it’s a shoulder to cry on or help with funeral arrangements.
• Draw comfort from your faith – If you follow a religious tradition, embrace the comfort its mourning rituals can provide. Spiritual activities that are meaningful to you – such as praying, meditating, or going to church – can offer solace. If you’re questioning your faith in the wake of the loss, talk to a clergy member or others in your religious community.
• Join a support group – Grief can feel very lonely, even when you have loved ones around. Sharing your sorrow with others who have experienced similar losses can help. To find a bereavement support group in your area, contact local hospitals, hospices, funeral homes, and counseling centers.
• Talk to a therapist or grief counselor – If your grief feels like too much to bear, call a mental health professional with experience in grief counseling. An experienced therapist can help you work through intense emotions and overcome obstacles to your grieving.
How to support a grieving person
If someone you care about has suffered a loss, you can help them heal by asking about their feelings, spending time just being with them, and listening when they want to talk.
Coping with grief and loss tip 2: Take care of yourself
When you’re grieving, it’s more important than ever to take care of yourself. The stress of a major loss can quickly deplete your energy and emotional reserves. Looking after your physical and emotional needs will help you get through this difficult time.
• Face your feelings. You can try to suppress your grief, but you can’t avoid it forever. In order to heal, you have to acknowledge the pain. Trying to avoid feelings of sadness and loss only prolongs the grieving process. Unresolved grief can also lead to complications such as depression, anxiety, substance abuse, and health problems.
• Express your feelings in a tangible or creative way. Write about your loss in a journal. If you’ve lost a loved one, write a letter saying the things you never got to say; make a scrapbook or photo album celebrating the person’s life; or get involved in a cause or organization that was important to him or her.
• Look after your physical health. The mind and body are connected. When you feel good physically, you’ll also feel better emotionally. Combat stress and fatigue by getting enough sleep, eating right, and exercising. Don’t use alcohol or drugs to numb the pain of grief or lift your mood artificially.
• Don’t let anyone tell you how to feel, and don’t tell yourself how to feel either. Your grief is your own, and no one else can tell you when it’s time to “move on” or “get over it.” Let yourself feel whatever you feel without embarrassment or judgment. It’s okay to be angry, to yell at the heavens, to cry or not to cry. It’s also okay to laugh, to find moments of joy, and to let go when you’re ready.
• Plan ahead for grief “triggers”. Anniversaries, holidays, and milestones can reawaken memories and feelings. Be prepared for an emotional wallop, and know that it’s completely normal. If you’re sharing a holiday or lifecycle event with other relatives, talk to them ahead of time about their expectations and agree on strategies to honor the person you loved.
When grief doesn’t go away
It’s normal to feel sad, numb, or angry following a loss. But as time passes, these emotions should become less intense as you accept the loss and start to move forward. If you aren’t feeling better over time, or your grief is getting worse, it may be a sign that your grief has developed into a more serious problem, such as complicated grief or major depression.
Complicated grief
The sadness of losing someone you love never goes away completely, but it shouldn’t remain center stage. If the pain of the loss is so constant and severe that it keeps you from resuming your life, you may be suffering from a condition known as complicated grief. Complicated grief is like being stuck in an intense state of mourning. You may have trouble accepting the death long after it has occurred or be so preoccupied with the person who died that it disrupts your daily routine and undermines your other relationships.
Symptoms of complicated grief include:
• Intense longing and yearning for the deceased
• Intrusive thoughts or images of your loved one
• Denial of the death or sense of disbelief
• Imagining that your loved one is alive
• Searching for the person in familiar places
• Avoiding things that remind you of your loved one
• Extreme anger or bitterness over the loss
• Feeling that life is empty or meaningless
The difference between grief and depression
Distinguishing between grief and clinical depression isn’t always easy, since they share many symptoms. However, there are ways to tell the difference. Remember, grief is a roller coaster. It involves a wide variety of emotions and a mix of good and bad days. Even when you’re in the middle of the grieving process, you will have moments of pleasure or happiness. With depression, on the other hand, the feelings of emptiness and despair are constant.
Other symptoms that suggest depression, not just grief:
• Intense, pervasive sense of guilt.
• Thoughts of suicide or a preoccupation with dying.
• Feelings of hopelessness or worthlessness.
• Slow speech and body movements
• Inability to function at work, home, and/or school.
• Seeing or hearing things that aren’t there.
When to seek professional help for grief
If you recognize any of the above symptoms of complicated grief or clinical depression, talk to a mental health professional right away. Left untreated, complicated grief and depression can lead to significant emotional damage, life-threatening health problems, and even suicide. But treatment can help you get better.
Contact a grief counselor or professional therapist if you:
• Feel like life isn’t worth living
• Wish you had died with your loved one
• Blame yourself for the loss or for failing to prevent it
• Feel numb and disconnected from others for more than a few weeks
• Are having difficulty trusting others since your loss
• Are unable to perform your normal daily activities
There is no right or wrong way to grieve — but there are healthy ways to cope with the pain. You can get through it! Grief that is expressed and experienced has a potential for healing that eventually can strengthen and enrich life.
What is grief?
Grief is a natural response to loss. It’s the emotional suffering you feel when something or someone you love is taken away. You may associate grief with the death of a loved one – and this type of loss does often cause the most intense grief. But any loss can cause grief, including:
• A relationship breakup
• Loss of health
• Losing a job
• Loss of financial stability
• A miscarriage
. Death of a pet
• Loss of a cherished dream
• A loved one’s serious illness
• Loss of a friendship
• Loss of safety after a trauma
The more significant the loss, the more intense the grief. However, even subtle losses can lead to grief. For example, you might experience grief after moving away from home, graduating from college, changing jobs, selling your family home, or retiring from a career you loved.
Everyone grieves differently
Grieving is a personal and highly individual experience. How you grieve depends on many factors, including your personality and coping style, your life experience, your faith, and the nature of the loss. The grieving process takes time. Healing happens gradually; it can’t be forced or hurried – and there is no “normal” timetable for grieving. Some people start to feel better in weeks or months. For others, the grieving process is measured in years. Whatever your grief experience, it’s important to be patient with yourself and allow the process to naturally unfold.
Myths and Facts About Grief
MYTH: The pain will go away faster if you ignore it.
Fact: Trying to ignore your pain or keep it from surfacing will only make it worse in the long run. For real healing it is necessary to face your grief and actively deal with it.
MYTH: It’s important to be “be strong” in the face of loss.
Fact: Feeling sad, frightened, or lonely is a normal reaction to loss. Crying doesn’t mean you are weak. You don’t need to “protect” your family or friends by putting on a brave front. Showing your true feelings can help them and you.
MYTH: If you don’t cry, it means you aren’t sorry about the loss.
Fact: Crying is a normal response to sadness, but it’s not the only one. Those who don’t cry may feel the pain just as deeply as others. They may simply have other ways of showing it.
MYTH: Grief should last about a year.
Fact: There is no right or wrong time frame for grieving. How long it takes can differ from person to person.
Are there stages of grief?
In 1969, psychiatrist Elisabeth Kübler-Ross introduced what became known as the “five stages of grief.” These stages of grief were based on her studies of the feelings of patients facing terminal illness, but many people have generalized them to other types of negative life changes and losses, such as the death of a loved one or a break-up.
The five stages of grief:
• Denial: “This can’t be happening to me.”
• Anger: “Why is this happening? Who is to blame?”
• Bargaining: “Make this not happen, and in return I will ____.”
• Depression: “I’m too sad to do anything.”
• Acceptance: “I’m at peace with what happened.”
If you are experiencing any of these emotions following a loss, it may help to know that your reaction is natural and that you’ll heal in time. However, not everyone who is grieving goes through all of these stages – and that’s okay. Contrary to popular belief, you do not have to go through each stage in order to heal. In fact, some people resolve their grief without going through any of these stages. And if you do go through these stages of grief, you probably won’t experience them in a neat, sequential order, so don’t worry about what you “should” be feeling or which stage you’re supposed to be in.
Kübler-Ross herself never intended for these stages to be a rigid framework that applies to everyone who mourns. In her last book before her death in 2004, she said of the five stages of grief, “They were never meant to help tuck messy emotions into neat packages. They are responses to loss that many people have, but there is not a typical response to loss, as there is no typical loss. Our grieving is as individual as our lives.”
Grief is a roller coaster, not a series of stages
It is best not to think of grief as a series of stages. Rather, we might think of the grieving process as a roller coaster, full of ups and downs, highs and lows. Like many roller coasters, the ride tends to be rougher in the beginning, the lows may be deeper and longer. The difficult periods should become less intense and shorter as time goes by, but it takes time to work through a loss. Even years after a loss, especially at special events such as a family wedding or the birth of a child, we may still experience a strong sense of grief.
Common symptoms of grief
While loss affects people in different ways, many people experience the following symptoms when they’re grieving. Just remember that almost anything that you experience in the early stages of grief is normal – including feeling like you’re going crazy, feeling like you’re in a bad dream, or questioning your religious beliefs.
• Shock and disbelief – Right after a loss, it can be hard to accept what happened. You may feel numb, have trouble believing that the loss really happened, or even deny the truth. If someone you love has died, you may keep expecting them to show up, even though you know they’re gone.
• Sadness – Profound sadness is probably the most universally experienced symptom of grief. You may have feelings of emptiness, despair, yearning, or deep loneliness. You may also cry a lot or feel emotionally unstable.
• Guilt – You may regret or feel guilty about things you did or didn’t say or do. You may also feel guilty about certain feelings (e.g. feeling relieved when the person died after a long, difficult illness). After a death, you may even feel guilty for not doing something to prevent the death, even if there was nothing more you could have done.
• Anger – Even if the loss was nobody’s fault, you may feel angry and resentful. If you lost a loved one, you may be angry at yourself, God, the doctors, or even the person who died for abandoning you. You may feel the need to blame someone for the injustice that was done to you.
• Fear – A significant loss can trigger a host of worries and fears. You may feel anxious, helpless, or insecure. You may even have panic attacks. The death of a loved one can trigger fears about your own mortality, of facing life without that person, or the responsibilities you now face alone.
• Physical symptoms – We often think of grief as a strictly emotional process, but grief often involves physical problems, including fatigue, nausea, lowered immunity, weight loss or weight gain, aches and pains, and insomnia.
Coping with grief and loss tip 1: Get support
The single most important factor in healing from loss is having the support of other people. Even if you aren’t comfortable talking about your feelings under normal circumstances, it’s important to express them when you’re grieving. Sharing your loss makes the burden of grief easier to carry. Wherever the support comes from, accept it and do not grieve alone. Connecting to others will help you heal.
Finding support after a loss
• Turn to friends and family members – Now is the time to lean on the people who care about you, even if you take pride in being strong and self-sufficient. Draw loved ones close, rather than avoiding them, and accept the assistance that’s offered. Oftentimes, people want to help but don’t know how, so tell them what you need – whether it’s a shoulder to cry on or help with funeral arrangements.
• Draw comfort from your faith – If you follow a religious tradition, embrace the comfort its mourning rituals can provide. Spiritual activities that are meaningful to you – such as praying, meditating, or going to church – can offer solace. If you’re questioning your faith in the wake of the loss, talk to a clergy member or others in your religious community.
• Join a support group – Grief can feel very lonely, even when you have loved ones around. Sharing your sorrow with others who have experienced similar losses can help. To find a bereavement support group in your area, contact local hospitals, hospices, funeral homes, and counseling centers.
• Talk to a therapist or grief counselor – If your grief feels like too much to bear, call a mental health professional with experience in grief counseling. An experienced therapist can help you work through intense emotions and overcome obstacles to your grieving.
How to support a grieving person
If someone you care about has suffered a loss, you can help them heal by asking about their feelings, spending time just being with them, and listening when they want to talk.
Coping with grief and loss tip 2: Take care of yourself
When you’re grieving, it’s more important than ever to take care of yourself. The stress of a major loss can quickly deplete your energy and emotional reserves. Looking after your physical and emotional needs will help you get through this difficult time.
• Face your feelings. You can try to suppress your grief, but you can’t avoid it forever. In order to heal, you have to acknowledge the pain. Trying to avoid feelings of sadness and loss only prolongs the grieving process. Unresolved grief can also lead to complications such as depression, anxiety, substance abuse, and health problems.
• Express your feelings in a tangible or creative way. Write about your loss in a journal. If you’ve lost a loved one, write a letter saying the things you never got to say; make a scrapbook or photo album celebrating the person’s life; or get involved in a cause or organization that was important to him or her.
• Look after your physical health. The mind and body are connected. When you feel good physically, you’ll also feel better emotionally. Combat stress and fatigue by getting enough sleep, eating right, and exercising. Don’t use alcohol or drugs to numb the pain of grief or lift your mood artificially.
• Don’t let anyone tell you how to feel, and don’t tell yourself how to feel either. Your grief is your own, and no one else can tell you when it’s time to “move on” or “get over it.” Let yourself feel whatever you feel without embarrassment or judgment. It’s okay to be angry, to yell at the heavens, to cry or not to cry. It’s also okay to laugh, to find moments of joy, and to let go when you’re ready.
• Plan ahead for grief “triggers”. Anniversaries, holidays, and milestones can reawaken memories and feelings. Be prepared for an emotional wallop, and know that it’s completely normal. If you’re sharing a holiday or lifecycle event with other relatives, talk to them ahead of time about their expectations and agree on strategies to honor the person you loved.
When grief doesn’t go away
It’s normal to feel sad, numb, or angry following a loss. But as time passes, these emotions should become less intense as you accept the loss and start to move forward. If you aren’t feeling better over time, or your grief is getting worse, it may be a sign that your grief has developed into a more serious problem, such as complicated grief or major depression.
Complicated grief
The sadness of losing someone you love never goes away completely, but it shouldn’t remain center stage. If the pain of the loss is so constant and severe that it keeps you from resuming your life, you may be suffering from a condition known as complicated grief. Complicated grief is like being stuck in an intense state of mourning. You may have trouble accepting the death long after it has occurred or be so preoccupied with the person who died that it disrupts your daily routine and undermines your other relationships.
Symptoms of complicated grief include:
• Intense longing and yearning for the deceased
• Intrusive thoughts or images of your loved one
• Denial of the death or sense of disbelief
• Imagining that your loved one is alive
• Searching for the person in familiar places
• Avoiding things that remind you of your loved one
• Extreme anger or bitterness over the loss
• Feeling that life is empty or meaningless
The difference between grief and depression
Distinguishing between grief and clinical depression isn’t always easy, since they share many symptoms. However, there are ways to tell the difference. Remember, grief is a roller coaster. It involves a wide variety of emotions and a mix of good and bad days. Even when you’re in the middle of the grieving process, you will have moments of pleasure or happiness. With depression, on the other hand, the feelings of emptiness and despair are constant.
Other symptoms that suggest depression, not just grief:
• Intense, pervasive sense of guilt.
• Thoughts of suicide or a preoccupation with dying.
• Feelings of hopelessness or worthlessness.
• Slow speech and body movements
• Inability to function at work, home, and/or school.
• Seeing or hearing things that aren’t there.
When to seek professional help for grief
If you recognize any of the above symptoms of complicated grief or clinical depression, talk to a mental health professional right away. Left untreated, complicated grief and depression can lead to significant emotional damage, life-threatening health problems, and even suicide. But treatment can help you get better.
Contact a grief counselor or professional therapist if you:
• Feel like life isn’t worth living
• Wish you had died with your loved one
• Blame yourself for the loss or for failing to prevent it
• Feel numb and disconnected from others for more than a few weeks
• Are having difficulty trusting others since your loss
• Are unable to perform your normal daily activities
Saturday, January 9, 2010
A good lesson from a simple sales guy.
Hello Friends,
Today I was strolling down the building. I met this sales guy. sharp should be in mid 20's. The lesson that I learnt from him was simple. Dont waste time and energy on deals which are not likely to happen. The example given was very simple. He proposed a price to customer, the customer on the bargain note has asked for a price. The sales guy came down to some extent where he has to even justify himself to his superiors. The customer was not ready to raise his quote. In such case the guy says it is better he start addressing other customer as the chance of deal getting striking is remote. Second even if he strikes the deal , the customer will make it so public that he will be forced to get that to list price for others too.
The last line from him was the best puncher. Sir we say personal life or professional life, but truth is what goes in professional goes in personal too. I said u are smart and moved forward.
May lord vishnu bless that boy with success for his lesson opened eyes of mine in professional and personal manners.
Today I was strolling down the building. I met this sales guy. sharp should be in mid 20's. The lesson that I learnt from him was simple. Dont waste time and energy on deals which are not likely to happen. The example given was very simple. He proposed a price to customer, the customer on the bargain note has asked for a price. The sales guy came down to some extent where he has to even justify himself to his superiors. The customer was not ready to raise his quote. In such case the guy says it is better he start addressing other customer as the chance of deal getting striking is remote. Second even if he strikes the deal , the customer will make it so public that he will be forced to get that to list price for others too.
The last line from him was the best puncher. Sir we say personal life or professional life, but truth is what goes in professional goes in personal too. I said u are smart and moved forward.
May lord vishnu bless that boy with success for his lesson opened eyes of mine in professional and personal manners.
Jab we met- review.
Hello Friends,
This is one movie which is close to heart. I used to love the song nagada nagada when driving to office in car and never new that the song was part of this movie. Second song kareena song on ice haa koyi tho patha song. the third song rang rangeli rup chamei song. 4th haa hum to chale ahahha song. so it was just like 4 songs in one movie given out as a special dish.
Its not only the songs but also few delicate story points which make it close to heart. The way he treats his mother. He draws truce and says you are as much part of this company as I am and in the victory of the company lies your victory too. The emotional speech he gives to employees is second one which i had personally picked up. The third thing was the force he uses on kareena kapoor when she is at hostel alone. that was turning point of the movie to continue. He exerts force on that funloving girl who becomes serious and has lost her touch. It was good that girl knows that this person will not cause harm and believes him so that story moves forward to pleasant ending.
All in all a good movie to pick up some lessons which can be applied in life. The best part was the girl leaves her 'zid or ego or hard stance' that i will not come out of hostel which makes life good for her. It is a lesson that things should be pulled only upto some extent which is subtly conveyed.
I hope all of you have seen this movie if not enjoy it its worth watch. I watched it 3 times in chd.
may lord vishnu bless us all.
This is one movie which is close to heart. I used to love the song nagada nagada when driving to office in car and never new that the song was part of this movie. Second song kareena song on ice haa koyi tho patha song. the third song rang rangeli rup chamei song. 4th haa hum to chale ahahha song. so it was just like 4 songs in one movie given out as a special dish.
Its not only the songs but also few delicate story points which make it close to heart. The way he treats his mother. He draws truce and says you are as much part of this company as I am and in the victory of the company lies your victory too. The emotional speech he gives to employees is second one which i had personally picked up. The third thing was the force he uses on kareena kapoor when she is at hostel alone. that was turning point of the movie to continue. He exerts force on that funloving girl who becomes serious and has lost her touch. It was good that girl knows that this person will not cause harm and believes him so that story moves forward to pleasant ending.
All in all a good movie to pick up some lessons which can be applied in life. The best part was the girl leaves her 'zid or ego or hard stance' that i will not come out of hostel which makes life good for her. It is a lesson that things should be pulled only upto some extent which is subtly conveyed.
I hope all of you have seen this movie if not enjoy it its worth watch. I watched it 3 times in chd.
may lord vishnu bless us all.
Two good lessons from cricket captains in last one week i learned.
Hello Friends,
In the last week I learned two good lessons from the captains which can be applied to personal and professional life too. The first one was Pakistan playing against Australia. pakistan should have easily won the game as per cricket pundits as they needed to score just around 150 runs with time on their side. The team got packed for less than that and lost the game. as usual the cermony and captains being called for their chats. The commentator asked a question. The answer from pakistan caption ' ALL QUESTIONS DONT HAVE ANSWERS'. He was good to play down any further questions which could affect the moral of the team. The commentator in now way is going to come and help the team in any way. It is the captain who has to go to the drawing board to set things right. More over the commentator will push him to such levels where he will be forced to say bowling was not good , then who has not bowled well, why have u not brought your bowler in this over etc etc which does no good to team. I loved this answer because he is serious of a good performance to come back.
The second one was the srilanka versus bangladesh match. Bangladesh lost the match. The captain was called. He was asked how does he feel after losing third match in a row. Me and my team gave 100% but we lost as the other team's 100% was more than ours. yes his team gave 100%. Not even a single noball or wide, no run outs while batting. Pressed hard for singles to two's when batting. If i compare it as a race between maruti and merc on the mumbai pune high way. Maruti being bangladesh, he has given 100% he has pressed accelarator total and did not waste time to change gears etc. If we see the mileage consumed maruti would beat merc, if you look at average time the car was at throttle speed maruti would beat merc.
So the lesson is friends even if we loose either in personal or professional life as long as we are giving 100% we are on right track. Winning and losing is part of life. Understanding that it is you who have to deliver it is better not to waste time in answering things again which leads to new questions and finally they will say you have contradicted your first answer etc. It is better we go to drawing boards and come back strong.
May lord vishnu bless us all with happiness.
In the last week I learned two good lessons from the captains which can be applied to personal and professional life too. The first one was Pakistan playing against Australia. pakistan should have easily won the game as per cricket pundits as they needed to score just around 150 runs with time on their side. The team got packed for less than that and lost the game. as usual the cermony and captains being called for their chats. The commentator asked a question. The answer from pakistan caption ' ALL QUESTIONS DONT HAVE ANSWERS'. He was good to play down any further questions which could affect the moral of the team. The commentator in now way is going to come and help the team in any way. It is the captain who has to go to the drawing board to set things right. More over the commentator will push him to such levels where he will be forced to say bowling was not good , then who has not bowled well, why have u not brought your bowler in this over etc etc which does no good to team. I loved this answer because he is serious of a good performance to come back.
The second one was the srilanka versus bangladesh match. Bangladesh lost the match. The captain was called. He was asked how does he feel after losing third match in a row. Me and my team gave 100% but we lost as the other team's 100% was more than ours. yes his team gave 100%. Not even a single noball or wide, no run outs while batting. Pressed hard for singles to two's when batting. If i compare it as a race between maruti and merc on the mumbai pune high way. Maruti being bangladesh, he has given 100% he has pressed accelarator total and did not waste time to change gears etc. If we see the mileage consumed maruti would beat merc, if you look at average time the car was at throttle speed maruti would beat merc.
So the lesson is friends even if we loose either in personal or professional life as long as we are giving 100% we are on right track. Winning and losing is part of life. Understanding that it is you who have to deliver it is better not to waste time in answering things again which leads to new questions and finally they will say you have contradicted your first answer etc. It is better we go to drawing boards and come back strong.
May lord vishnu bless us all with happiness.
How to dodge personal questions at work
Picture this: You're sitting with colleagues and having a nice chat during lunch. It's a pleasant conversation about nothing in particular and you're participating freely. But then, you see the conversation flowing in your direction! Before you know it, one of your colleagues asks you a very personal question. Now this could be about your family, relationships, health or your (non-professional) equation with another colleague. With all eyes on you, you feel obliged to answer. So what do you do to escape this tricky situation?
If something like this happened anywhere else, say, at a party or any other informal social gathering, you could probably get away with saying that you couldn't answer. Even if your audience thought of this as rude, it wouldn't stay with them too long and the conversation would smoothly venture into another zone. But at work, being rude just isn't an option, especially when someone asking the question is a senior colleague.
So, here are some easy ways of avoiding these prying questions, without damaging your reputation at work. For the sake of simplicity, let's call this nosy colleague the 'firer'.
Cross question
This is a very convenient and age-old formula for bouncing back those prying questions. Whenever you are asked a question that you wouldn't like to answer, just ask very casually, "Why do you want to know?" The other person is now obliged to answer and this gives you a chance to change the topic or move the conversation in another direction
Upfront honesty
Sometimes, you just need to be honest no matter how uncomfortable it may make others around you. But be careful when you tread these waters. Politeness is the key. When faced with the question, smile and tell the person directly that you appreciate the concern, but you had rather not discuss the matter at that time or in that place.
Huh?
Hopefully, our 'firer' will get the message and quit prodding. Vaidehi Shah*, who works at a radio channel, says, "I would rather be honest than make any excuses. I think people are mature enough to realise that there are certain questions I wouldn't like to answer and honesty is always appreciated."
Excuse me, please!
This works best if (like in the previous situation) there are a lot of people around. There will be several people talking at the same time and you can ignore the question altogether. Keep in mind that this does take a lot of acting skills on your part. The person may be inclined to repeat the question. Another way to avoid it is to pretend you didn't understand the question
The politician's choice
If you're the tactful kind, blessed with the gift of the gab, this is the way to go. Whenever politicians are asked an embarrassing question that can't be escaped, they beat it with a simple ploy. It's called beating around the bush. Answer the questions but in extremely vague terms. Don't directly answer, but vaguely touch upon the topic at hand. This will satisfy the Pryor for a while giving you some time to think and move the conversation to a point where you are more comfortable.
If you share a light-hearted relationship with this colleague and if you are in a situation where it is possible to do so, make a joke and brush the question aside.
Laugh it off
This is probably the safest way to avoid sounding rude as well as remaining in your comfort zone.
Devyani Purohit*, who has only recently started working, says this method works best for her. "I wouldn't ever lie, but if I am really cornered, I'll try to make a little joke about it and direct the conversation away from me."
Everyone has secrets, or just things they had rather not discuss at work. Nevertheless, there will be people who want to know everything about everyone and being faced with one of their prying questions is just not the social situation you hope for. But armed with presence of mind and a little bit of tact, you should be able to find a way out.
May lord vishnu bless us all.
If something like this happened anywhere else, say, at a party or any other informal social gathering, you could probably get away with saying that you couldn't answer. Even if your audience thought of this as rude, it wouldn't stay with them too long and the conversation would smoothly venture into another zone. But at work, being rude just isn't an option, especially when someone asking the question is a senior colleague.
So, here are some easy ways of avoiding these prying questions, without damaging your reputation at work. For the sake of simplicity, let's call this nosy colleague the 'firer'.
Cross question
This is a very convenient and age-old formula for bouncing back those prying questions. Whenever you are asked a question that you wouldn't like to answer, just ask very casually, "Why do you want to know?" The other person is now obliged to answer and this gives you a chance to change the topic or move the conversation in another direction
Upfront honesty
Sometimes, you just need to be honest no matter how uncomfortable it may make others around you. But be careful when you tread these waters. Politeness is the key. When faced with the question, smile and tell the person directly that you appreciate the concern, but you had rather not discuss the matter at that time or in that place.
Huh?
Hopefully, our 'firer' will get the message and quit prodding. Vaidehi Shah*, who works at a radio channel, says, "I would rather be honest than make any excuses. I think people are mature enough to realise that there are certain questions I wouldn't like to answer and honesty is always appreciated."
Excuse me, please!
This works best if (like in the previous situation) there are a lot of people around. There will be several people talking at the same time and you can ignore the question altogether. Keep in mind that this does take a lot of acting skills on your part. The person may be inclined to repeat the question. Another way to avoid it is to pretend you didn't understand the question
The politician's choice
If you're the tactful kind, blessed with the gift of the gab, this is the way to go. Whenever politicians are asked an embarrassing question that can't be escaped, they beat it with a simple ploy. It's called beating around the bush. Answer the questions but in extremely vague terms. Don't directly answer, but vaguely touch upon the topic at hand. This will satisfy the Pryor for a while giving you some time to think and move the conversation to a point where you are more comfortable.
If you share a light-hearted relationship with this colleague and if you are in a situation where it is possible to do so, make a joke and brush the question aside.
Laugh it off
This is probably the safest way to avoid sounding rude as well as remaining in your comfort zone.
Devyani Purohit*, who has only recently started working, says this method works best for her. "I wouldn't ever lie, but if I am really cornered, I'll try to make a little joke about it and direct the conversation away from me."
Everyone has secrets, or just things they had rather not discuss at work. Nevertheless, there will be people who want to know everything about everyone and being faced with one of their prying questions is just not the social situation you hope for. But armed with presence of mind and a little bit of tact, you should be able to find a way out.
May lord vishnu bless us all.
Thursday, January 7, 2010
Good one on rediff. thought to have it on my blog as i am not sure how long rediff will have it.
12 relationships resolutions for 2010
http://getahead.rediff.com/slide-show/2009/dec/31/slide-show-1-specials-relationship-resolutions-for-2010.htm#contentTop
It's the same old story every year, isn't it? In January, you meet 'The one'. And by December of that same year, he's 'The son of a --' er, etcetera.
So this time around, what with resolutions floating around and all that, here's a list of relationship resolutions to ensure you're with the same partner next New Year's too!
Resolution No 1: I shall not be over-possessive
Yup, that's right. No 'So why is he asking you out for coffee?' or 'Who the hell is that girl who just called, are you having an affair?' Your partner can have friends of the opposite sex, you know -- it's only normal! And it doesn't mean s/he loves you less for it. In fact, there's a reason why your partner chose you over all the other people s/he knows. It's called 'love'!
Resolution No 2: I shall not sneak through his/ her SMSes and e-mails
It's ratty, sneaky and implies lack of trust. So don't do it! No matter how tempted you are! It's just not cool. You can try the feeble 'we share everything' angle when people ask why you have your partner's email password or are going through his/her cellphone, but everyone knows what you're really up to -- keeping tabs! It casts you in a bad light, portraying you as clingy and suspicious -- and it's demeaning for your loved one.
And just a heads-up -- if s/he was going to cheat, it is possible to open an e-mail address you don't even know about!
Resolution No 3: I shall not cuss out his/ her ex
Stop the comparisons! Some people just can't get over their partner's exes. 'Are his arms better than mine?' 'She's got a slimmer waist than I do...God, I hate that b****!' What happened with your partner is in the past and s/he is with you now. So get over it, please!
Be confident of yourself and even if the break-up with the ex was acrimonious, remember, there are always two sides to every story. So focus on your story and leave the history where it belongs -- in the past.
Resolution No 4: I shall not be clingy or needy
This one works like a repulsion magnet. Want to dump your partner? Become a leech. But aah, if you want to hold on to him/ her, the trick is not to show how desperate you are -- even if you are desperate!
You could be good-looking, wealthy, the catch of the century -- but if you start hanging on for dear life, you're going to get the boot. Nobody wants a shadow you just can't shake!
Resolution No 5: I shall not whine when s/he wants to have a boys'/ girls' night out
Girls like to gossip at pyjama parties, guys like to hang out watching the game. So just because you're stuck at home and bored out of your mind, don't cancel out your partner's rare plan of catching up with friends! That's just plain selfish and it's good to give each other some space once in a while.
Give each other a chance to miss the other once in awhile.
Resolution No 6: I shall make my peace with porn
This one is mainly for the ladies. Look, most guys like to watch porn. And it's not that they don't think you're hot, they do, but porn is second nature to them. So just make your peace with it or pretend to turn a blind eye. Just don't make it an issue, because it's not -- as incredible as it sounds, their love of porn has nothing to do with you.
If you can accept it, it'll make you even more appealing in their eyes. 'My girlfriend is one cool chick, she's okay with me watching porn!'
And, ahem, boys? Girls like to watch porn too, so if yours does, don't faint of shock and go into the 'decent girls just don't indulge in this kind of behaviour' speech -- what's good for the goose is good for the gander!
Resolution No 7: I shall not use my tears as a weapon
Again, mainly for the ladies. Guys can't handle a woman's tears and it's very easy to get them to do what they don't want if you well up. Which, to them, is a form of emotional blackmail. 'I don't want to watch this movie, why don't you go with your girlfriends?' 'Bawl! Sob! When will you start paying attention to my needs! Why can we never do what I want!' See how ridiculous it sounds? Not happening.
As for guys who bring on the waterworks at the drop of a hat -- stop being sissies before you get dumped! The sentimental soul angle only works sometimes!
Resolution No 8: I shall not ruin friendships for my partner
This is one we've all been guilty of at some point or the other. It's inevitable -- you start spending too much time with your lover and your friends feel ignored. Or the best friend and said lover would like to drive a stake through each other's hearts when you're not looking.
Play the game, strike a balance and lay down the law -- they have to get along because they're both an important part of your life. No sacrificing one for the sake of the other!
Resolution No 9: I shall refrain from commenting on my partner's appearance
Especially in public.
Yes, sometimes people's fashion choices do go wrong -- it happens to everyone at some point or the other, right? Even Angelina Jolie has been dissected for a couple of red carpet bombers. So you can give your opinion delicately and in private -- don't chastise your partner in front of others.
"See na, I told him this jacket makes him look fat, but he wouldn't listen!' Don't go down this road -- unless your lover looks like a Christmas decoration or worse, a Halloween reveler.
Resolution No 10: I will try my best to get along with my potential in-laws
Even if you have the ma-in-law from hell. At least give it a shot (and we don't mean shoot her, even if you'd like to!). Try to make a favourable impression, it will mean a lot to your partner. It shows you're serious about being part of his/ her family and accepting them as your own. We're not saying be a pushover, just make the little extra effort.
Most times, it pays off really well. And learn how to tackle difficult personalities. Even if your girlfriend's mother has despised all her previous boyfriends, there's always a first time. Let that first time be you.
Resolution No 11: I shall not be dramatic in public!
No:
Storming out of restaurants.
Throwing your cellphone during an argument on a date.
Getting into a screaming match when there are people around.
Screeching the car to a halt and walking down the road at 3 am in a huff.
Get the picture? It's embarrassing, so don't make an ass of yourself in public -- it's also humiliating for your partner. If you disagree about something when you're out, put it on hold till you're alone. Because if you create a scene, the fight won't be about what you were fighting about anymore -- it'll be about the spectacle you created in front of other folks. It's as simple as that.
Resolution No 12: I shall not be taken for granted
This last one is all about loving yourself (and we all know how that works out -- pretty good!). Don't bend over backwards in any relationship to impress anyone. Be yourself, and if it's meant to happen, it will. If you force it into happening, you won't be enjoying yourself quite as much as you imagined -- because trying too hard means being a put-on -- someone you're not.
And don't let the one you love walk all over you in the name of love. Give in when it's needed and compromise when you must, but stand up for yourself if you're being taken advantage of.
Happy New Year!
http://getahead.rediff.com/slide-show/2009/dec/31/slide-show-1-specials-relationship-resolutions-for-2010.htm#contentTop
It's the same old story every year, isn't it? In January, you meet 'The one'. And by December of that same year, he's 'The son of a --' er, etcetera.
So this time around, what with resolutions floating around and all that, here's a list of relationship resolutions to ensure you're with the same partner next New Year's too!
Resolution No 1: I shall not be over-possessive
Yup, that's right. No 'So why is he asking you out for coffee?' or 'Who the hell is that girl who just called, are you having an affair?' Your partner can have friends of the opposite sex, you know -- it's only normal! And it doesn't mean s/he loves you less for it. In fact, there's a reason why your partner chose you over all the other people s/he knows. It's called 'love'!
Resolution No 2: I shall not sneak through his/ her SMSes and e-mails
It's ratty, sneaky and implies lack of trust. So don't do it! No matter how tempted you are! It's just not cool. You can try the feeble 'we share everything' angle when people ask why you have your partner's email password or are going through his/her cellphone, but everyone knows what you're really up to -- keeping tabs! It casts you in a bad light, portraying you as clingy and suspicious -- and it's demeaning for your loved one.
And just a heads-up -- if s/he was going to cheat, it is possible to open an e-mail address you don't even know about!
Resolution No 3: I shall not cuss out his/ her ex
Stop the comparisons! Some people just can't get over their partner's exes. 'Are his arms better than mine?' 'She's got a slimmer waist than I do...God, I hate that b****!' What happened with your partner is in the past and s/he is with you now. So get over it, please!
Be confident of yourself and even if the break-up with the ex was acrimonious, remember, there are always two sides to every story. So focus on your story and leave the history where it belongs -- in the past.
Resolution No 4: I shall not be clingy or needy
This one works like a repulsion magnet. Want to dump your partner? Become a leech. But aah, if you want to hold on to him/ her, the trick is not to show how desperate you are -- even if you are desperate!
You could be good-looking, wealthy, the catch of the century -- but if you start hanging on for dear life, you're going to get the boot. Nobody wants a shadow you just can't shake!
Resolution No 5: I shall not whine when s/he wants to have a boys'/ girls' night out
Girls like to gossip at pyjama parties, guys like to hang out watching the game. So just because you're stuck at home and bored out of your mind, don't cancel out your partner's rare plan of catching up with friends! That's just plain selfish and it's good to give each other some space once in a while.
Give each other a chance to miss the other once in awhile.
Resolution No 6: I shall make my peace with porn
This one is mainly for the ladies. Look, most guys like to watch porn. And it's not that they don't think you're hot, they do, but porn is second nature to them. So just make your peace with it or pretend to turn a blind eye. Just don't make it an issue, because it's not -- as incredible as it sounds, their love of porn has nothing to do with you.
If you can accept it, it'll make you even more appealing in their eyes. 'My girlfriend is one cool chick, she's okay with me watching porn!'
And, ahem, boys? Girls like to watch porn too, so if yours does, don't faint of shock and go into the 'decent girls just don't indulge in this kind of behaviour' speech -- what's good for the goose is good for the gander!
Resolution No 7: I shall not use my tears as a weapon
Again, mainly for the ladies. Guys can't handle a woman's tears and it's very easy to get them to do what they don't want if you well up. Which, to them, is a form of emotional blackmail. 'I don't want to watch this movie, why don't you go with your girlfriends?' 'Bawl! Sob! When will you start paying attention to my needs! Why can we never do what I want!' See how ridiculous it sounds? Not happening.
As for guys who bring on the waterworks at the drop of a hat -- stop being sissies before you get dumped! The sentimental soul angle only works sometimes!
Resolution No 8: I shall not ruin friendships for my partner
This is one we've all been guilty of at some point or the other. It's inevitable -- you start spending too much time with your lover and your friends feel ignored. Or the best friend and said lover would like to drive a stake through each other's hearts when you're not looking.
Play the game, strike a balance and lay down the law -- they have to get along because they're both an important part of your life. No sacrificing one for the sake of the other!
Resolution No 9: I shall refrain from commenting on my partner's appearance
Especially in public.
Yes, sometimes people's fashion choices do go wrong -- it happens to everyone at some point or the other, right? Even Angelina Jolie has been dissected for a couple of red carpet bombers. So you can give your opinion delicately and in private -- don't chastise your partner in front of others.
"See na, I told him this jacket makes him look fat, but he wouldn't listen!' Don't go down this road -- unless your lover looks like a Christmas decoration or worse, a Halloween reveler.
Resolution No 10: I will try my best to get along with my potential in-laws
Even if you have the ma-in-law from hell. At least give it a shot (and we don't mean shoot her, even if you'd like to!). Try to make a favourable impression, it will mean a lot to your partner. It shows you're serious about being part of his/ her family and accepting them as your own. We're not saying be a pushover, just make the little extra effort.
Most times, it pays off really well. And learn how to tackle difficult personalities. Even if your girlfriend's mother has despised all her previous boyfriends, there's always a first time. Let that first time be you.
Resolution No 11: I shall not be dramatic in public!
No:
Storming out of restaurants.
Throwing your cellphone during an argument on a date.
Getting into a screaming match when there are people around.
Screeching the car to a halt and walking down the road at 3 am in a huff.
Get the picture? It's embarrassing, so don't make an ass of yourself in public -- it's also humiliating for your partner. If you disagree about something when you're out, put it on hold till you're alone. Because if you create a scene, the fight won't be about what you were fighting about anymore -- it'll be about the spectacle you created in front of other folks. It's as simple as that.
Resolution No 12: I shall not be taken for granted
This last one is all about loving yourself (and we all know how that works out -- pretty good!). Don't bend over backwards in any relationship to impress anyone. Be yourself, and if it's meant to happen, it will. If you force it into happening, you won't be enjoying yourself quite as much as you imagined -- because trying too hard means being a put-on -- someone you're not.
And don't let the one you love walk all over you in the name of love. Give in when it's needed and compromise when you must, but stand up for yourself if you're being taken advantage of.
Happy New Year!
Wednesday, January 6, 2010
Misunderstandings, differences, disputes, in life partners, husband wife (-spouses) couples
Misunderstandings, differences, disputes, in life partners, husband wife (-spouses) couples, OR significant others :
Often tender bonds between life partners, couples, husband-wife (-spouses) or significant others become weaker due to following reasons.
This is written specifically for my friend from oracle who called and i thought i will share this which may do some good if god willing.
1. When you feel misunderstood or you are being taken advantage of in your relationship.
2.Lack of accordance with your partner.
3.Your partner dominates you at all the time.
4.If you feel that whatever you say is misinterpreted and not taken as you meant it.
5. You find yourself weak and impotent while confront your partner.
6. You suspects character or moral of your partner, knowingly or unknowingly.
7. Aversion to have sexual relations with your partner.
8. You have a fear that your significant other is being disloyal, deceptive or misleading you.
9. Either your partner or you or both of you find jealous, malice, hatred or envy for each other.
10. Certain pressure or obligation makes you speechless before your partner.
11. It seems like you have made bad choices in relationships and now it has developed disgust feeling about partner's habits.
12. You find your wavelength cannot be tuned to your partner's.
13. You find yourself weak in communication and often get the wrong impression when you try to communicate with your partner or colleague.
14. You find your relations are worsened and surplus of fighting over the period.
Following are the probabilities of how those misunderstandings, differences, disputes, in life partners, husband wife (-spouses) couples, OR significant others would end:
Although low self-esteem and submissiveness are at times an integral part of a healthy marriage relationship, there are many life events where a dominating person puts another person's happiness ahead of their own at all costs. A person preferring adjustable nature believes that, if you want a relationship to endure and nourish, you have to give in and act as if that your better half is "absolutely right!" and you are (-as always) "perfectly mistaken!" Such attitudes often result in a long, unhappy existence with loved one (?) that usually ends on a very unsatisfying note.
Persistent misunderstandings between couples leads to psychological separation and ultimately divorce. It is a multi-year process that begins when one or both mates feels that they had choose the wrong person to wed, for the wrong reason/s, at the wrong time! Disturbances in the thought field (mental make-up) cause imbalance in the energy system, which triggers a sequence of physiological activities (body) that culminates in ill-health or unhealthy body and mind condition.
Years of increasing stress, frustration, distrust, declining respect, ineffective communication, and disillusionments between mates debilitate tender marriage bonds. Pre-divorce period also include attempts to heal the marriage with various remedies, including counseling. Seeing a counselor about relationship definitely has its benefits. A counselor can sometimes help both partners to identify the situations that have caused misunderstanding and disagreements and ask them to modify their thinking processes. But it can't always easily help them in eliminating the inner cause; apart the process can be quite uncomfortable and challenging. Either of the partner might also be reluctant to go with other, making it a one-sided intervention offering little real help in changing the relationship for the better. Sometimes the problem with counseling is that it is often a long, costly and painful process and sometimes creates a dependent relationship with the counselor. Once again, unless both partners are willing to attend and take responsibility for change, the success rate can be disappointing.
This phase ends with one mate moving out or calling a lawyer.
The second phase (-divorce phase) may last several years spanning a mix of reconciliation tries, mediations, and legal battles which amplify spouses' weariness, distrusts, disrespects, and often adds new stressors like legal bills;
The last phase of a divorce starts with a legal decree, and may last for many years, until all adults and children affected by the family reorganization have grieved and reached full mental, emotional, and spiritual acceptance of their many losses, dispelled all significant shame and guilt associated with "failing" and genuinely forgiven themselves and each other.
The psychological impacts of divorce can result in a new sequel of unwise future remarriage and stepfamily decisions.
In early stages, one can overcome frequent recurrences of misunderstandings and prestige issues by re-shaping his (or her) behavioral traits causing such problems and get rid of the causes of unnecessary fighting and misunderstandings.
Co-relation between our Innate Negative emotions and those misunderstandings, differences, disputes, in life partners, husband wife (-spouses) couples, OR significant others.
Often the causes of "Differences between partners, couples, husband wife spouses or significant others" are more mental than physical. A bad relationship, ego, arrogance, unnecessary pride, poor self image, a history of abuse, stress, frustration and many other factors can change your overall attitude towards life which may directly impede your overall performance. Such tendencies are deep-rooted in mind and nurtured by excessive Negative Emotions.
It is needless to mention that these negative emotions are tremendously powerful. They can debilitate lives extremely quick by causing disparity in energy system, which triggers a sequence of emotional imbalance (i.e. frustration, melancholia, persistent agony, mental instability, uncontrolled anger, inferiority complex etc.), which ultimately culminates in ill health.
Lessen "Negative Emotions" in psyche. (i.e. frustration, uncontrolled anger, bitterness, excessive shame, guilt, arrogance, envy, jealousy, greed, fear, suspicious nature, inferiority complex, persistent agony or melancholy, mental instability, escapism or shilly-shallying tendencies, communication apprehension, poor will power, low grasping, absentmindedness, sloth, laziness, dawdling, dodging etc.) boost latent inner ability Mold the inherent behavior in accordance with the existing circumstances and surrounding conditions get rid of worries, tensions and sufferings achieve peace of mind and bring the Ultimate Happiness!
"Balancing Emotions" will purge Negative Emotions in psyche and shape your innate behavior in a way to face every life challenge by avoiding pessimistic approach towards life; whilst you will be able to derive maximum life pleasure from whatever resources are available with you!
Reigning behavioral negativities --like frustration, guilty feeling or jealousy-- which accumulate at the core of our psyche over a duration of time --as in the form of "negative emotions"-- and incessantly make us "emotionally imbalanced", are considered to be the root cause of all our sufferings.
According to Bach Flower Therapy, often any ailment or ill-health condition --at most of the time and in majority of the cases-- is the result or expression of persistent "emotional imbalance" that takes place at the core of your psyche and persists over a period of time due to gradual accumulation of numerous Negative Emotions, those originates either from your mind itself or from your surrounding circumstances. As soon as your mental state improves the physical trouble disappears. Therefore a person --which implies his overall nature, his general attitude towards life and his inimitable surrounding circumstances-- is more important than his disease or ill-health condition.
Please find out what is causing the problem and try to fix it for it could be helpful.
May god bless us all with positive vibes and positive energy.
Often tender bonds between life partners, couples, husband-wife (-spouses) or significant others become weaker due to following reasons.
This is written specifically for my friend from oracle who called and i thought i will share this which may do some good if god willing.
1. When you feel misunderstood or you are being taken advantage of in your relationship.
2.Lack of accordance with your partner.
3.Your partner dominates you at all the time.
4.If you feel that whatever you say is misinterpreted and not taken as you meant it.
5. You find yourself weak and impotent while confront your partner.
6. You suspects character or moral of your partner, knowingly or unknowingly.
7. Aversion to have sexual relations with your partner.
8. You have a fear that your significant other is being disloyal, deceptive or misleading you.
9. Either your partner or you or both of you find jealous, malice, hatred or envy for each other.
10. Certain pressure or obligation makes you speechless before your partner.
11. It seems like you have made bad choices in relationships and now it has developed disgust feeling about partner's habits.
12. You find your wavelength cannot be tuned to your partner's.
13. You find yourself weak in communication and often get the wrong impression when you try to communicate with your partner or colleague.
14. You find your relations are worsened and surplus of fighting over the period.
Following are the probabilities of how those misunderstandings, differences, disputes, in life partners, husband wife (-spouses) couples, OR significant others would end:
Although low self-esteem and submissiveness are at times an integral part of a healthy marriage relationship, there are many life events where a dominating person puts another person's happiness ahead of their own at all costs. A person preferring adjustable nature believes that, if you want a relationship to endure and nourish, you have to give in and act as if that your better half is "absolutely right!" and you are (-as always) "perfectly mistaken!" Such attitudes often result in a long, unhappy existence with loved one (?) that usually ends on a very unsatisfying note.
Persistent misunderstandings between couples leads to psychological separation and ultimately divorce. It is a multi-year process that begins when one or both mates feels that they had choose the wrong person to wed, for the wrong reason/s, at the wrong time! Disturbances in the thought field (mental make-up) cause imbalance in the energy system, which triggers a sequence of physiological activities (body) that culminates in ill-health or unhealthy body and mind condition.
Years of increasing stress, frustration, distrust, declining respect, ineffective communication, and disillusionments between mates debilitate tender marriage bonds. Pre-divorce period also include attempts to heal the marriage with various remedies, including counseling. Seeing a counselor about relationship definitely has its benefits. A counselor can sometimes help both partners to identify the situations that have caused misunderstanding and disagreements and ask them to modify their thinking processes. But it can't always easily help them in eliminating the inner cause; apart the process can be quite uncomfortable and challenging. Either of the partner might also be reluctant to go with other, making it a one-sided intervention offering little real help in changing the relationship for the better. Sometimes the problem with counseling is that it is often a long, costly and painful process and sometimes creates a dependent relationship with the counselor. Once again, unless both partners are willing to attend and take responsibility for change, the success rate can be disappointing.
This phase ends with one mate moving out or calling a lawyer.
The second phase (-divorce phase) may last several years spanning a mix of reconciliation tries, mediations, and legal battles which amplify spouses' weariness, distrusts, disrespects, and often adds new stressors like legal bills;
The last phase of a divorce starts with a legal decree, and may last for many years, until all adults and children affected by the family reorganization have grieved and reached full mental, emotional, and spiritual acceptance of their many losses, dispelled all significant shame and guilt associated with "failing" and genuinely forgiven themselves and each other.
The psychological impacts of divorce can result in a new sequel of unwise future remarriage and stepfamily decisions.
In early stages, one can overcome frequent recurrences of misunderstandings and prestige issues by re-shaping his (or her) behavioral traits causing such problems and get rid of the causes of unnecessary fighting and misunderstandings.
Co-relation between our Innate Negative emotions and those misunderstandings, differences, disputes, in life partners, husband wife (-spouses) couples, OR significant others.
Often the causes of "Differences between partners, couples, husband wife spouses or significant others" are more mental than physical. A bad relationship, ego, arrogance, unnecessary pride, poor self image, a history of abuse, stress, frustration and many other factors can change your overall attitude towards life which may directly impede your overall performance. Such tendencies are deep-rooted in mind and nurtured by excessive Negative Emotions.
It is needless to mention that these negative emotions are tremendously powerful. They can debilitate lives extremely quick by causing disparity in energy system, which triggers a sequence of emotional imbalance (i.e. frustration, melancholia, persistent agony, mental instability, uncontrolled anger, inferiority complex etc.), which ultimately culminates in ill health.
Lessen "Negative Emotions" in psyche. (i.e. frustration, uncontrolled anger, bitterness, excessive shame, guilt, arrogance, envy, jealousy, greed, fear, suspicious nature, inferiority complex, persistent agony or melancholy, mental instability, escapism or shilly-shallying tendencies, communication apprehension, poor will power, low grasping, absentmindedness, sloth, laziness, dawdling, dodging etc.) boost latent inner ability Mold the inherent behavior in accordance with the existing circumstances and surrounding conditions get rid of worries, tensions and sufferings achieve peace of mind and bring the Ultimate Happiness!
"Balancing Emotions" will purge Negative Emotions in psyche and shape your innate behavior in a way to face every life challenge by avoiding pessimistic approach towards life; whilst you will be able to derive maximum life pleasure from whatever resources are available with you!
Reigning behavioral negativities --like frustration, guilty feeling or jealousy-- which accumulate at the core of our psyche over a duration of time --as in the form of "negative emotions"-- and incessantly make us "emotionally imbalanced", are considered to be the root cause of all our sufferings.
According to Bach Flower Therapy, often any ailment or ill-health condition --at most of the time and in majority of the cases-- is the result or expression of persistent "emotional imbalance" that takes place at the core of your psyche and persists over a period of time due to gradual accumulation of numerous Negative Emotions, those originates either from your mind itself or from your surrounding circumstances. As soon as your mental state improves the physical trouble disappears. Therefore a person --which implies his overall nature, his general attitude towards life and his inimitable surrounding circumstances-- is more important than his disease or ill-health condition.
Please find out what is causing the problem and try to fix it for it could be helpful.
May god bless us all with positive vibes and positive energy.
Tuesday, January 5, 2010
Existence versus living.
Hello Friends,
Few days back an intresting topic was brought to my notice. What is existence and what is living.
Existence related to both living and nonliving. Stones exist in this world. Animals exist in this world. people without any emotions( coma state) exist in this world. People without any feelings exist in this world. Living things can turn into existence objects( dinosaurs). In simple words existance is a state. Lot of us just exist( for we have lost factors like laugh , cry everything). I can count as a person who just exists for the person who brought this topic to me. I dont consider myself on living side. But one good thing that is with me is that people who come towards this existance had great life for this existance object keeps on telling if u dont live you will become like me.
Living on other hand is a pleasent experience. people who have great family. people who have great friends. People who relish the food they eat. People who sleep peaceful. people blessed with good health. People blessed with good things in life. people blessed with kids. people blessed with good pets. the list can go on. The person who reffered this discussion is lucky to have most of them.
The only thing that i can put forward is if you have life, live it rather than becoming into existing objects. For the existing objects I can tell one thing, you are like those peices of wood which could help other fire the light of life in them. you too have a value if seen in right angle.
May god bless us people who have life with great extension of the same and existances to be used by better people for better results.
Few days back an intresting topic was brought to my notice. What is existence and what is living.
Existence related to both living and nonliving. Stones exist in this world. Animals exist in this world. people without any emotions( coma state) exist in this world. People without any feelings exist in this world. Living things can turn into existence objects( dinosaurs). In simple words existance is a state. Lot of us just exist( for we have lost factors like laugh , cry everything). I can count as a person who just exists for the person who brought this topic to me. I dont consider myself on living side. But one good thing that is with me is that people who come towards this existance had great life for this existance object keeps on telling if u dont live you will become like me.
Living on other hand is a pleasent experience. people who have great family. people who have great friends. People who relish the food they eat. People who sleep peaceful. people blessed with good health. People blessed with good things in life. people blessed with kids. people blessed with good pets. the list can go on. The person who reffered this discussion is lucky to have most of them.
The only thing that i can put forward is if you have life, live it rather than becoming into existing objects. For the existing objects I can tell one thing, you are like those peices of wood which could help other fire the light of life in them. you too have a value if seen in right angle.
May god bless us people who have life with great extension of the same and existances to be used by better people for better results.
Unrest mind today.- refreshed daag ache hoteh hai.
Hello Friends,
Today mind was very much unrest after I saw the paper and saw 3 kids in mumbai killing themselves. Being a father i felt very bad as the photograph showed one of the father crying unconsolobly. How movies can create bad impression. One of the kid who watched the movie 3 idiots on trot found it is his inability to read or perform to kill himself. The problem is lying with us as parents. How much time are we giving to kids. Especially IT. We never think that little hearts also need us. Giving money or putting ayia is not going to help. I was thinking what is that a person can have as the best asset. I kept on thinking for a long time. I found the answer a person who can respond to him. We see fighting couples what is that they are trying to prove. Will that fights do any good to kid. Intelligent person will do things in a manner in which everybody gets good. what we can win-win situation. How many times have u played with your kids and made him win or taught him how to win. think with your hands on heart.
After coming home, i had put the tv on. the ad surf ka daag ache hoteh hai where a kid plays like a dog for his teacher made my mind alive. Yes life is different. It has no age barriers. Emotions are the best thing that god has given. Unfortunately every body is not blessed and I am one among them. My love for kids never translated into reality for reason which most of you know.
Arushi case what is that court wants to prove. The parents are literally deadwoods. The judiciary in india should change where it should atleast think of kids cases and dont drag them for decades. I feel bad and hurt totally in heart when i read these things. i dont have blood left out to bleed but still it pains deep and very deep in heart.
Let every kid be blessed with the way he wants to live and grow.
May lord vishnu bless all.
Today mind was very much unrest after I saw the paper and saw 3 kids in mumbai killing themselves. Being a father i felt very bad as the photograph showed one of the father crying unconsolobly. How movies can create bad impression. One of the kid who watched the movie 3 idiots on trot found it is his inability to read or perform to kill himself. The problem is lying with us as parents. How much time are we giving to kids. Especially IT. We never think that little hearts also need us. Giving money or putting ayia is not going to help. I was thinking what is that a person can have as the best asset. I kept on thinking for a long time. I found the answer a person who can respond to him. We see fighting couples what is that they are trying to prove. Will that fights do any good to kid. Intelligent person will do things in a manner in which everybody gets good. what we can win-win situation. How many times have u played with your kids and made him win or taught him how to win. think with your hands on heart.
After coming home, i had put the tv on. the ad surf ka daag ache hoteh hai where a kid plays like a dog for his teacher made my mind alive. Yes life is different. It has no age barriers. Emotions are the best thing that god has given. Unfortunately every body is not blessed and I am one among them. My love for kids never translated into reality for reason which most of you know.
Arushi case what is that court wants to prove. The parents are literally deadwoods. The judiciary in india should change where it should atleast think of kids cases and dont drag them for decades. I feel bad and hurt totally in heart when i read these things. i dont have blood left out to bleed but still it pains deep and very deep in heart.
Let every kid be blessed with the way he wants to live and grow.
May lord vishnu bless all.
Saturday, January 2, 2010
PSN in action.
Hi friends,
Please find the link below. use real player.
http://cid-bf1e10c6165f8a62.skydrive.live.com/self.aspx/Public/2010-01-02%2005-03-25.406.flv
1 day ago Raj Pochiraju commented on PETLURI SRINIVASA NARASIMHA KUMAR's file telangana.flv
"Very well made case. I don't undestand why people not getting these kind of ideas to begin with. I always respect your analysis my friend."
Dear friends Raj, worked with me at Indosoft and Microsoft. One of the most respected person in industry. Coming a word from him has given more value to the last audio video. raj comment is on live.com
May god bless us all.
Please find the link below. use real player.
http://cid-bf1e10c6165f8a62.skydrive.live.com/self.aspx/Public/2010-01-02%2005-03-25.406.flv
1 day ago Raj Pochiraju commented on PETLURI SRINIVASA NARASIMHA KUMAR's file telangana.flv
"Very well made case. I don't undestand why people not getting these kind of ideas to begin with. I always respect your analysis my friend."
Dear friends Raj, worked with me at Indosoft and Microsoft. One of the most respected person in industry. Coming a word from him has given more value to the last audio video. raj comment is on live.com
May god bless us all.
Effective Leadership.
Hi friends,
Today Andhra Pradesh knows the value of effective leadership. All said and done Dr.Rajasekhar reddy made sure that the state is run effectively. Today the change is that there are too many leaders and no followers. Everybody is a leader there today. I think the lesson shown in the movie 'paa' should be applied here and the media should be shown its place. The media has been projecting every useless fellow as a leader. And every leader feels he is the important and he will not have his pie if he doesnot speak of telangana.These are all unnecessary interventions in the smooth functioning of government.
Even in families we see people who have nothing become very important the moment they see an opportunity. These are the guys who lead to the downfall of the family and will disappear after the family falls down. Similarly all these political leaders will disappear once they see no honey left out.
Develop strong leadership at your house.
May lord vishnu bless us all.
Today Andhra Pradesh knows the value of effective leadership. All said and done Dr.Rajasekhar reddy made sure that the state is run effectively. Today the change is that there are too many leaders and no followers. Everybody is a leader there today. I think the lesson shown in the movie 'paa' should be applied here and the media should be shown its place. The media has been projecting every useless fellow as a leader. And every leader feels he is the important and he will not have his pie if he doesnot speak of telangana.These are all unnecessary interventions in the smooth functioning of government.
Even in families we see people who have nothing become very important the moment they see an opportunity. These are the guys who lead to the downfall of the family and will disappear after the family falls down. Similarly all these political leaders will disappear once they see no honey left out.
Develop strong leadership at your house.
May lord vishnu bless us all.
Friday, January 1, 2010
Movie- 'APNE'
Hi friends,
yes the continuation of yesterday. Today with the movie APNE. This movie is close to heart as it has 'HyderabadI' type song. Mehfooz kartha hu tumseh mere ishq ka fasana. yes. Beautiful words and picturization to start with. Then comes second hyderabadi touch 'DEKHU TUJHE THO PYAR AYEH'. The movie is close to my heart for it depicts good love and affection of brothers. The elder brother who owns responsibility. The wife of dharmendra character who says i will fight for u jhi mujhe sikhav. he is lucky to have such a better half. i wish in life everybody has such better halves. Similarly the friend character who is always with dharmendra. Luckily I am blessed with such a friend 'VASU'. I am not undermining other friends in anyway. VASU because he is with me right from school bad days.
The one character if i dont say i will be doing the wrong to this post is shilpashetty character. The role of a daughter in law is very dignified role played. Every house should have such a daughter in law who understands the needs of the house and keeps the values of house at high esteem. I sincerly wish your better halves to have a look at movie and pick atleast this one quality house will be heaven.
Bobby deol is as usual. His character to take up boxing and then keeping the fathers pride high is a fantastic one. the role played by katrina kaif to keep him fit is a good one.
In life also friends there are lot of people who leave us thinking that they will get everything by just switching sides like the person who changes his coach and finally ends at loss.
Lot of us are lured but one who stays focussed is one who wins is the lesson of this movie.
Happy to share something good with you friends. Hope these finding can be implemented and house becomes heaven.
may lord vishnu bless all houses with happiness.
yes the continuation of yesterday. Today with the movie APNE. This movie is close to heart as it has 'HyderabadI' type song. Mehfooz kartha hu tumseh mere ishq ka fasana. yes. Beautiful words and picturization to start with. Then comes second hyderabadi touch 'DEKHU TUJHE THO PYAR AYEH'. The movie is close to my heart for it depicts good love and affection of brothers. The elder brother who owns responsibility. The wife of dharmendra character who says i will fight for u jhi mujhe sikhav. he is lucky to have such a better half. i wish in life everybody has such better halves. Similarly the friend character who is always with dharmendra. Luckily I am blessed with such a friend 'VASU'. I am not undermining other friends in anyway. VASU because he is with me right from school bad days.
The one character if i dont say i will be doing the wrong to this post is shilpashetty character. The role of a daughter in law is very dignified role played. Every house should have such a daughter in law who understands the needs of the house and keeps the values of house at high esteem. I sincerly wish your better halves to have a look at movie and pick atleast this one quality house will be heaven.
Bobby deol is as usual. His character to take up boxing and then keeping the fathers pride high is a fantastic one. the role played by katrina kaif to keep him fit is a good one.
In life also friends there are lot of people who leave us thinking that they will get everything by just switching sides like the person who changes his coach and finally ends at loss.
Lot of us are lured but one who stays focussed is one who wins is the lesson of this movie.
Happy to share something good with you friends. Hope these finding can be implemented and house becomes heaven.
may lord vishnu bless all houses with happiness.
Non post corrective actions.
Dear Friends,
The article that I am writing today is quite debating and there will be brickbats on this filling into email box. I thought of whether to write or not for 3 days and thought will write.
Myself and friend sanjay went to subway as he wanted to have something to eat. Then he wanted to have a sandwich so we went to upside coffee day. We ordered and sat. We saw a small girl who was mentally challenged. Believe me i could not control my anger seeing her mother.
I dont know why these females today are so career oriented that they are ready to sacrifice their next genertion. I hate especially the IT career woman who take the stress into the womb without their knowledge. The pressures of the job mental and physical moving on womb. Parties eating junk food for the sake of company once again affecting the kids in the womb. Missed lunchs for the sake of time lines etc. Ultimately the outcome is clear. I know there are lot of females who will say this is against natural rights when men can work why cant women abc to hell. I dont think it is worth to even answer them for you cannot fight with a fool who knows what he is doing is wrong and still wants to fight.
If you ask that female was she not knowing that what she was doing wrong at the time of job, the answer is I know it. Lot of these females have this mind set I know, but i will not apply my mind. she was from well to do family from the car etc. but to what use.
Its a bad feeling. When i said same to sanjay he said one word 'PSN today's females are ready to let go anything'. At one time we had a leader and a follower at house. today we have all leaders and no followers at house. crumbling indian family structure. Even god cannot save because you know the reason.......
May god bless who have to come into this world.
The article that I am writing today is quite debating and there will be brickbats on this filling into email box. I thought of whether to write or not for 3 days and thought will write.
Myself and friend sanjay went to subway as he wanted to have something to eat. Then he wanted to have a sandwich so we went to upside coffee day. We ordered and sat. We saw a small girl who was mentally challenged. Believe me i could not control my anger seeing her mother.
I dont know why these females today are so career oriented that they are ready to sacrifice their next genertion. I hate especially the IT career woman who take the stress into the womb without their knowledge. The pressures of the job mental and physical moving on womb. Parties eating junk food for the sake of company once again affecting the kids in the womb. Missed lunchs for the sake of time lines etc. Ultimately the outcome is clear. I know there are lot of females who will say this is against natural rights when men can work why cant women abc to hell. I dont think it is worth to even answer them for you cannot fight with a fool who knows what he is doing is wrong and still wants to fight.
If you ask that female was she not knowing that what she was doing wrong at the time of job, the answer is I know it. Lot of these females have this mind set I know, but i will not apply my mind. she was from well to do family from the car etc. but to what use.
Its a bad feeling. When i said same to sanjay he said one word 'PSN today's females are ready to let go anything'. At one time we had a leader and a follower at house. today we have all leaders and no followers at house. crumbling indian family structure. Even god cannot save because you know the reason.......
May god bless who have to come into this world.
2001-2010
Hi friends,
This is for all those lucky kids who could see a digit moving towards left. Yes all kids born in 2001 has seen their first digit moved to left. It is a good feeling. My sisters son falls into same category. Same with few others kids one kid at chandigarh, one kid at gujrat, one at pune, 2 at chennai, 2 at blr i know who fall into same category. if you find any kid of that year just thrill him. spreading joy makes world a happy place to live in.
May lord vishnu bless all those kids with happiness and joy.
This is for all those lucky kids who could see a digit moving towards left. Yes all kids born in 2001 has seen their first digit moved to left. It is a good feeling. My sisters son falls into same category. Same with few others kids one kid at chandigarh, one kid at gujrat, one at pune, 2 at chennai, 2 at blr i know who fall into same category. if you find any kid of that year just thrill him. spreading joy makes world a happy place to live in.
May lord vishnu bless all those kids with happiness and joy.
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